Apparently I Don't Eat Like A Man

Monday is Chicken Night because it's a dollar off at the local grocery store. I got it because my parents were going to be late getting home, as is their wont these days.

So me and My Fucking Father are at the table eating. From out of the goddamn blue, he looks at me and, with that motherfucking expression on his face that's a combination of disgust and pain, he looks at me and says, "Do you have to eat your chicken like that? Why can't you eat it like a man, and not like a baby?"

Occasionally he says that to hurt me. It works. It's usually him getting back at me for some perceived slight I did to him. Today I did none of the sort; I helped him out at The Store, where there was no tension. The only thing that happened was Grandmother did not set up a place setting for herself. After what he did to her last night, I'm shocked he would be so miffed.

What he's really getting at is that last clause: "... and not like a baby?" He's intimating that I look gay eating chicken. I think he says baby because of his limited English and the fact that he didn't really want to accuse me of being gay in front of my face. That's a line of Rubicon that you can't come back from once crossed. But if I may, I will say this again for emphasis: According to My Fucking (Insightful) Father, I look gay eating chicken. For the fucking life of me, I have absolutely no goddamn idea what he means. How in the fuck do you look gay eating chicken?

I knew where this was going, and aided by my certainty that his accusation has completely no basis in fact nor common sense, I said what I thought: "What in the hell are you talking about?"

Normally, he would further intimidate me by using that as an in to start yelling at me about other shit he thought I did to him, like hold him down by living at home. But he sensed my outrage over such a stupid comment and backed down, kind of: "OK, I see nothing," he said, before getting up and uttering, "Just know that you're a man now and not a baby." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to pick another fight. I thought I won, but I'll take a draw.

Maybe he backed down because he realized how stupid he sounded when said that. Or, maybe he just gave up trying to "teach" me something. I just hope that if he tried to cut me down with that comment, he saw that it wasn't working, and that he won't pull that shit ever again.