Sunday, October 23, 2011

Stalking Zoe Voss Instead Of Doing Chores

I had a relatively lazy day that was backloaded for the evening. I'd be busy, but not with work, just a game to watch with other friends. But I was up at 10:30 in the morning and had a day ahead of me to fill.

I thought about the chores I have to, and could, do around the house and yard: Washing the floor, doing the laundry, trying to clean the goddamn clog in the sewer pipe, reading my papers, throwing shit out of my room, and re-painting the shed. I decided that I'll do what My Father said needed to be done this week: Raking the leaves. Since we can't sweep them out to the curb, he said I should rake them into piles and mow over them. I've decided that instead I will bag them and take them the county compost depot.

But first ... I had to go to my MySpace and bang out my college picks for this week. I was too tired to finish them up before I went to bad last night, and when I started doing them, the first wave of games were underway. Shoot.

When I got done and was still nonplussed about going outside to rake the leaves, I started procrastinating and went over to my Internet. Then I saw that a porn star I follow, Zoe Voss, is in town. She had tweeted stuff about Minnesota in the past, but I didn't know for sure if she was from the state. Apparently she is -- and in fact, she tweeted this afternoon that she was getting lunch at a Chipotle 15 minutes north of here. And on top of that, she personally replied to, I believe, two of her "admirers," inviting them to come up and see her some time. Well, shit, how 'bout me? How 'bout me?

So I tweeted Ms. Voss and waited. And she didn't reply. So what to do? It was around lunchtime, and I was going to drive out anyway to McDonald's to buy some more Monopoly pieces. I figured I might as well drive up there and see her. I didn't really have a plan other than driving by and, without parking or even stopping, see her at the window, wave my hand and drive off. But that would not be taking advantage of such a serendipitous tweetup, so I figured I'd go in and at least say, "I'm a big fan of yours, and I'm glad I saw you in person." And it'd be strange as fuck if I did that in front of the people she was having lunch with ... such as her mother, whom she told to make potato hot dish when she arrived in Minnesota.

Alas, I drove up and went into Chipotle, but I didn't see her willowy body, pale skin or pixie haircut. That was time I could have spent working on the backyard (which I did rake, if for only half an hour) or, if I remembered today, Darkness Day, where I line up at the brewery for this locally made, increasingly popular microbrew called Surly, and pick up this special bottle. (I did it two years ago and the beer was, um, distinctive). Instead, after lunch I got home, dinked around the Internet a little more, watched football, raked a bit and took a nap before I started my evening activities.

I hope My Father didn't or doesn't get mad at me for half-assing the raking. I got done with gathering the leaves away from the fence, but that was it. I could imagine him going to the back deck, see the edging done around the perimeter of the backyard and nothing else, and trying to find a way to yell at me as soon as he sees me, which, because of me working and hanging out, will be Monday.

Meanwhile ... Zoe ... Melissa ... I'm so unhappy that I missed you. Hope you have a pleasant stay back at home, and take care.

No comments:

Post a Comment