Oh, Almost There, Almost Done -- Oh, Goddammit!

They've been renovating the kitchen and upstairs bathroom for the past two weekends now.  With so much commotion with the workers there, last weekend we were ushered downstairs to eat fast food both Saturday and Sunday.  For Sunday night dinner Mother went to some social gathering, leaving My Father, these workers, and me.

For the first time in a long time we got -- well, I ordered and carried out -- pizza.  Damn, I miss pizza.  Anyway, this set up an awkward tableau where My Father and I were hunkered in his computer room to just eat.  Far from ideal as a dining room -- there's a footstool I sat on, My Father sat on his desk chair, and we laid the pizza box on a laundry hamper.

I was afraid with us two just sitting by ourselves, My Fucking Father would try to raise the issue of my future.  As usual, I have no answer.  So all this time, eating slice after slice, I'm just waiting for My Fucking Father to launch into, "So, what's your future like?"  I didn't have a good answer for it, I was just emotionally steeling myself.

So we're just sitting there in silence for most of the conversation.  The only thing we say to each other is who wanted the last piece of pizza.  And so I thought, Maybe I can get through this awkward situation without him fucking coming down on me.  Good times!

He was done while I was scarfing down the last of the pizzas, and so he left.  I let my guard.  But then, just as I was about to get up, he comes back in the room:

"Are you working tomorrow?"

Me, lying: "Yeah, in the afternoon, from noon till 5."

Oh-oh -- this is the opening My Fucking Father usually seeks before launching into me: "Why don't you get a full-time job?"

And this is where I had to choose between bad choices.  I could have just not said anything and looked at him stupid, prompting him to harrumph and leave.  Looking back, that would have been than me, for some fucking reason, trying to add levity to the suddenly heavy atmosphere of the room added by My Fucking Father's comment by piggybacking on his comment with something he usually says: "Or maybe I should go back to school!"

"Tcha!  You talk, you never do," My Fucking Father said, in disgust, as he stomped out of the room.

Well, fuck me.  And fuck him, too. That was humiliating to hear.  Partly because he was right.

I don't care, I just wanted no talking during that dinner.  Not too much to ask.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Ho.  Lee.  Shit.  Holy fucking shit.

I really didn't think the Mild would get both Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  Fuck, I thought there was a less-than-5% chance they'd land Suter and maybe, maybe, a 10% chance on Parise.  And honestly, I'd be OK if neither of them came here.  This organization has been bad for so long they've got a bumper crop of prospects: Mikael Granlund, Charlie Coyle, Jonas Brodin, etc.  The future is bright.

And I guess both Parise and Suter saw that as well and decided to get in front of the rocket before it hits paydirt, if that image makes any sense.  They now get to lead and mold what could be, in an ideal world, a Stanley Cup contender for the next decade.

I think getting to play on a team with such potential was a deciding factor.  What appears to be the main factor for taking their talents to Hidden Beach is that they really, really wanted to play together.  I didn't know they were so close.  That would filter out most of the known contenders: Parise's previous team, New Jersey; Suter's previous team, Nashville; Pittsburgh and Chicago.  The only other team that allegedly had enough cap space to go after both is Detroit, and apparently Parise and Suter thought they were on the downslope.  Well, they are now that they decided to come here!

Let's be honest: They have to reach the playoffs next year.  Injuries could happen like they did last year, but do you know what?  Even I will no longer accept that, even if that's beyond the Wild's control.  Furthermore, for as long as those two free agent acquisitions are in Minnesota, they have to, have to win at least on Stanley Cup.

But in some ways the franchise has already won.  Not since Brett Favre, or maybe even George Mikan, that someone of such stature, let alone two, willingly came here.  What also is different is that the Minnesota Wild, and Minnesota, are now Public Enemy No. 1.  The team is now the Miami Heat of the NHL, even if the comparisons aren't totally parallel.  So what the hell, why not embrace the role of villain?  Because being the center of attention, and a sudden contender for a championship, are two things that this state is not used to.  Let's just see how that feels for, oh, the next 13 years?

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  A second consecutive 4-3 week.  I'm actually surprised that the Twinks won a game against the Texas Rangers on Friday.  Losses to Texas Saturday and Detroit to Thursday hurt.  This team is worst in the American League, and so the outlook on a salary dump is a foregone conclusion.  Francisco Liriano will be the most prominent Twin to be traded, but he shouldn't be the last.

They finish in Texas Sunday night.  They then have the All-Star break (well, not Joe Mauer), and then they have a rare two-day break after the All-Star Game.  They resume play Friday, when they host Oakland for a three-game series.

My Fucking Father's at it again, surprising me with important shit happening mere days from now without giving me more time to plan ahead.  Pisses me off.  Now I'll have to delay an experiment I delayed once before already.  And in the meantime I'll have to spend gas on all the trips I'll have to take over the weekend.  Neither thing I planned on doing, and now I'll have to waste money and spend a lot of palm-greasing capital in order to pull all of this off.

And all of this because My Fucking Father didn't have the decency to tell me this important news sooner.  Goddamn him. ...

Addendum To: Found Out About Me On The Dole?

I just went downstairs, just to get a Sierra Mist.  About to head back up, Mother pops out of the master bedroom, eyes narrowly slit from the light I turned on.

"You're still up?" she asked.  This was 12:30.  I mumbled something about not needing to work in the afternoon.

But I have to wonder: Does she now think I don't work?  Did she suspect as soon as she saw my unemployment mail today?  Goddamn, was just trying to get some pop downstairs mean that I've been caught -- and that, gulp, they're going to throw me out?

I just wanted to get some Sierra Mist. ...

Found Out About Me On The Dole?

I was afraid this was going to happen.  Last Friday I tried to get back on the dole online, but I knew that regulations meant the state would send me something through the mail.  Ideally, I would be able to intercept that mail before my parents got to it.

Well, it came today.  And I saw it because they laid it out for me right where they usually leave the mail for me.  Shit.

Maybe they didn't notice.  Oh, come on, me, of course they noticed.  It says "Unemployment Insurance" right in front of both pieces of mail I got!  Goddamn, how can I be so stupid?

You know, it's possible that they didn't pick up the mail when they got home.  Sometimes -- OK, only a few times ever -- they go inside the house without picking up the mail.  What I could have, should have done was checked the mail before I got home.  Maybe then I could have intercepted it, and they would be none the wiser.

No, they got the mail before I even got home.  So why didn't just fucking stay home?  Because I was too scared to just stay home and wait for the mail because I wouldn't know when the 'Rents would come home.  Then I would have to answer questions of, "Why are you home?  Why don't you just go back to school?"  And then My Fucking Father would tell me to help him with some chores that I don't want to do.  I mean, he's virtually redecorating the fucking house.  Why?  It was fine just as it was.

But now, knowing that they've seen the unemployment mail, I regret that I didn't just come home early.  Now I'll have other questions I have to answer -- "What is this?  Unemployment?  Are you back on unemployment?  I thought you were working!"  And the worst question of all: "Are you lying to us?"

And that's the worst: It's the questions I'm not able to answer.  I know that they noticed the letters, and they will ask -- if not tomorrow, then a few months from now, when I've let my guard down, when I thought I was scot-free.  They'll ask and I'll just blabber on, and then there will be one hell of a fight.

Finally Using The Tablet Given To Me For Christmas

I am writing this right now on an HP Touchpad, given to me by my cool brother and my sweet sister-in-law for Christmas.  Feel kind of bad for not even taking it out of the box until a month ago, but I'm stuck in my ways; I didn't feel the need to use it until the battery on my laptop started making a lot of noise.  I finally used it on the 1st to check my e-mail, and now I'm trying to use it to surf the Internet.

Still adjusting to it.  Will file initial thoughts some other time.

I Said It Before And I'll Say It Again -- Only The Best Goddamn Song Ever

And appropriate for today, Independence Day:



No, it's not a patriotic song by any means.  But it's just the motherfucking awesomest song ever.  I said so two years ago, but then I neglected to embed the song (with an accompanying shot of the cover photo of the album it comes from, Soundgarden's Superunknown).  I will correct that mistake now, just in time.

This is so much better than my previous all-time favorite, "Jingle Bells."

Too Fucking Hot

Whoever likes weather this hot can kiss my ass.  This is not funny, this is not fun, this is goddamn dangerous.

This heat wave started ... when, Friday, or Thursday?  (I can never recall what the weather was like the day before, funny. ...)  Temperatures in the 90's, with humidity reaching the 70's starting on Sunday (although it was pretty much hot as hell on Friday when I went to a fitness center in town).  And it's not going to end any time soon; they're predicting it's going to feel like 100+ from yesterday (Monday) through pretty much Friday.  There's a Heat Advisory that will last till 10 p.m. Thursday.  And for Hennepin and Ramsey counties, make that a Heat Advisory Warning because with so much concrete, it's going to be hot as fuck even at night.  Technically I live in Anoka County, but it's extreme south Anoka county, situated between Hennepin and Ramsey, so I'll just believe this shit applies to us as well.

I know it's been this hot for this long before -- even hotter for longer.  But since we're in this now, this is the hottest it's ever been in the Twin Cities.  And goddamn, I hate this shit.  I will take a -20 degree day with a fucking blizzard over this.  Fuck, it's too hot to even watch bikini babes on the beach.

Unemployment Application Fail

Now that I have lost both my scoring center jobs for the season, I am forced to go back on the dole.  But I forgot to do it until Friday, and unfortunately for some odd reason the website is up only from 6 till 6 Monday through Friday.

I am familiar with the application process.  One of the things I remember foremost is that it can be quite involving, and you might need information that you'll need time to look for -- a problem if I want to get this down by the end of this week, the first of my unemployment.  (What I don't know is what will happen if I don't get this done the week of me not having a job.  There's a possibility that I won't get benefits because of that.)  So I needed to get this done Friday afternoon.

But where?  Filling this out means sending over sensitive information, the foremost being my social security number.  I trust the security of my home Internet.  But the goddamn, motherfucking thing remains very spotty.  Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the wires, but lately I haven't been able to get a solid, consistent connection while at home.  Something like that might be deadly when trying to fill out the application.

One other thing: I don't want to be home when my folks get home.  I keep telling them I'm at "work," so I have to be out of the house for at least several hours in the afternoon to maintain the lie.

So I decided to do what I think is mighty dangerous: Fill out the unemployment reapplication at a public space, the library.  I don't want to do it, but in a time crunch and worried about Internet connections, I didn't really have a choice.  Besides, I needed to go to the library to print out some letters for Father because the fucking printer still doesn't work.

The one thing I realize once I get into the application at the library: It's been so long since I applied that I forgot all the information that they want.  So after getting, oh, halfway through, I had to stop because there was no way I could fill it out.  Then I realize that the info I need might be at home.  But then I realize that I can't come home too early.  And then I realize that I need to complete this by 6.  Fuck me.  So I get out of the library at around 5.

I come home to the commotion of workers tearing up the kitchen.  That morning I was woken up to by the sound of chainsaws and general tearing-up noises.  Father didn't tell me he was renovating the kitchen that day.  More on this later.  Anyway, I immediately unpack my laptop, but goddamn, I knew this would happen, the fucking modem is on the fritz.  Maybe this time it's all the (de)construction out in the kitchen that's somehow fucking with Internet.

For about a half-hour I dealt with cut-off connections and waiting for them to reconnect.  I quickly start to lose my mind and my bearings; once I get back on I fill out erroneous information that I have to spend to going back to and correcting.

I'm getting pressed up against the 6 o'clock shutdown date.  I review the application one last time before sending the whole thing in, and with a short and disquieted sigh that doesn't completely believe I'll get money, I hit enter at 5:58 p.m.

I forget that upon sending, even though people have to review it, there is a preliminary estimate as to how much money you'll get per week.  My estimate was too low for a guy who worked a lot.  And then it dawned on me: I forgot my PCA job!  It's only the job that paid me the most.  It's also one that I lost when my folks threw Grandmother into a nursing home two months ago.  And, if I recall correctly, it's one that the state has had problems with figuring out if it needed to be factored into my unemployment.

Not to say this isn't my fault, but I will say that since they have my name on file, they also have a listing of previous occupations I have had and that I've put into previous applications.  If they have those, why don't they have my PCA job?

So I beat the deadline and sent in an incomplete form.  And there's no way to change it -- well, at least not now because it's shut down.  I don't think there's a way to amend the form.  All I can do is wait for them to mail me a determination letter and appeal, throwing myself at the mercy of the state and telling them I totally forgot about the most important job I've had the past six years.  Wish me luck.

Whatever, fuck my life.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Maybe it's me, but even if a baseball team is in a funk, somehow sweeping a doubleheader makes up for it.

Even though I did not work Saturday night's doubleheader-capper, I did see a snippet of the game on TV where the Twinks were well ahead of Kansas City.  (And by the way, the play-by-play guy, Steve Physioc, who is the Royals' main TV announcer, is a great guy.  Had a quick conversation with him once and he never  acted like I was beneath him.)  Cole De Vries turned in a solid start, as did Scott Diamond in the afternoon opener, which are few and far between.  Also, the bats came alive (with home runs seemingly the weapon of choice in the nightcap) as the club beat K.C. Saturday by a combined score of 12-3.

That salvaged the week; the squad finished 4-3.  Surprising that even though they are the worst team in the American League, as of right now they are only 1 1/2 games worse than Seattle, and by winning percentage they are actually better than four teams in the National League (Houston, Colorado, San Diego and, worst in the majors, the Cubs).

Today (Sunday) is the day rosters for next week's All-Star Game are announced.  I'm pretty sure the Twins' rep will be Josh Willingham.  There's an outside shot that Glen Perkins gets in.  And if I'm totally wrong, Joe Mauer gets voted in; is he even anywhere near the top of the voting for A.L. Catchers?  Meanwhile, they finish their series against the Royals this afternoon, then immediately go on the road for the first four-game series of the year (?) against Detroit, followed by a series in Texas.

#-2: Wild (Re-Entry!).  I should have put these guys in last week's WMNSS because of the NHL Draft; mio malo.  I will try and make it up to them by putting these guys ahead of the Wolves just because.

There are two big events that I need to cover.  The more timely situation actually starts at 11 local time: Free agency.  It's considered to be a thin free-agent market, but the Mild have the cash to throw at the two big catches this off-season: Nashville Defenseman Ryan Suter and New Jersey Forward (and Minnesota native) Zach Parise.  The Star Tribune's excellent Michael Russo details what's going on to this very second: Parise is in Toronto, where his agent is, and they are still talking with the Devils.  The guess from me (not from Russo) is that if things don't get hammered down by 11 CDT, Parise is single and looking to mingle.  Meanwhile, Suter is in Wisconsin while his agent is in the hotbed of agency, northern Minnesota.  Suter is testing free agency, but there's no guess from Russo who he's leaning toward.

One other player who picked up noise for the Mild is a street free agent coming out of college: Wisconsin Defenseman Justin Schultz, who was drafted by Anaheim in 2008 but has refused to sign with the Ducks.  Russo said that according to Bob McKenzie of Canada's TSN, Minnesota is one of six teams in the running to sign Schultz.  Unfortunately, also according to Russo, the Mild wound up third choice; Schultz has just decided to

What are the chances that the Mild whiff on all three of them?  Very high.  But let's just enjoy the anticipation and the what-ifs.  There will be time in the next few weeks to judge the organization.

As for the draft, I don't want to make this into a Russo lovefest, but he accurately predicted that the Mild would pick Canadian D-Man Mathew Dumba with the seventh pick in the first round of the NHL Draft.  Think of him as as a guy who plays larger than his physical size.  Draft picks in the NHL are compared to pros so they can illustrate what a prospect's ceiling could be.  Dumba's comparison?  Drew Doughty, the tough and diminutive spark plug for the now-Stanley Cup-champion Los Angeles Kings.  If this guy pans out, he will join Mikael Granlund, Charlie Coyle, Matt Hackett and Jonas Brodin as future players with the potential to be great players for the Wild.  Hope so; like with the Lynx, this team has been so bad for so long that they can't help but stockpile studs that will turn the franchise's fortunes around.

One other thing: Dumba's unfortunate pronunciation of his last name -- Dumb-a.  It's a heckler's dream.  Hope he's talented enough to overcome the name-calling.

#-3: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  Yes, this team's draft falls into this survey's screening week.

They didn't do a whole lot for the NBA Draft, but I think that's a good thing.  Much was made about Utah winning their last game of the regular season because that meant that their first-round pick was outside the protection of the lottery and therefore was traded to the Woofie Dogs (that was the deal for Al Jefferson, The Stoic One).

It wound up being 18th overall, and so many writers went head-over-heels wondering whom the team would pick.  Why would anybody give a shit about the 18th-best player in a draft that, at best, is split between deep and fallow?  Projections leaned towards Shooting Guard because that's the position the organization needed to fill.  The three names bandied about were two Washington guys, Tony Wroten, Jr. and Terrance Ross, and the guy with the most heat, Duke's Austin Rivers.  He made that miracle dagger 3 at the buzzer to beat North Carolina in Chapel Hill, but beyond that he's considered to be a selfish ball hog who will destroy team chemistry.  And this seemed to be the guy more prognosticators thought the Wolves would take.

So thank Buddha that they just traded away the pick.  In a move I derisively thought was initiated by David Kahn but seems to have the imprints of Head Coach Rick Adelman, the pick was traded to Houston in exchange for 2 1/2 tweener Chase Budinger and the rights to some guy playing out in Europe.  Jerry Zgoda of the Strib thought the team would trade the pick to the Rockets, but in exchange for Kevin Martin.  A microwave who could cook from outside on any given night instead of a guy whose attributes are in limbo between two positions?  Sounds right to me.  Still, Adelman believes that Budinger is the 2-guard with the fantastic three-point percentage the Timberwolves need to open up their offense.  And it doesn't hurt that he was drafted in the second round and will make only $942,000 this upcoming season.

So the Woofie Dogs had just the 58th overall pick in Thursday's draft.  They tried moving up, but when that failed, they took a flier on a guy who could have been great until his career got derailed by not one but two ACL injuries, Robbie Hummel out of Purdue.  A few years ago he formed a formidable three-headed monster with Jajuan ... Johnson (?) -- and some other guy?  Anyway, there's a chance that Hummel's once very promising career will end without him even stepping onto an NBA game.  But there's little risk and nothing but potential here if his ACL's are good.

So now to free agency, which started at 11 Saturday night.  Michael Beasley and Anthony Randolph were not offered contracts, so they're gone.  Darko Milicic might be next.  Martell Webster has been resigned, but maybe so he could be moved at a later date.  Maybe to make way for Pau Gasol, which would be very interesting ... but for Derrick Williams?  He seems like a nice guy, but right now Gasol is a much better player.

In the meantime the Woofs are still looking for swingmen, as well as other roster-padders, so according to Zgoda, the following are names Kahn and Adelman are pursuing: Brandon Roy, Jordan Hill, Greg Stiemsma, Nicolas Batum, and Jamal Crawford.