My Grandmother And Me, Part I

Three frustrating interactions with my Grandmother:

1) Some time last week on a Thursday.  A Thursday?  I don't know, whatever.

She asks me to rake the leaves even though I think there'll be a lot of time to get to the leaves later but there isn't time to paint the shed, which I wanted to do.  But I have to.

And of course Grandmother comes out and meddles.  I want to make sure I do this shit only once, so I'm careful to rake everything.  But she wants to pick up the leaves now!  So even though I do my best to ignore here, she comes in and breaks up the lawn-wide phalanx of leaves and brush I've accumulated through my raking.  She does it by intercepting the next part of leaves I was about to rake and uses, I think, a cereal box to break it up into little piles.

I fucking hate that.  My plan was to slowly and carefully gather one huge pile of leaves.  That way, not only do I have to worry about spots I missed, I'd have to just carry the plastic bags to this pile.  The fucking way my Grandmother did it this day left me to gather up all the leaves -- and it was a fucking small pile; I swear I've eaten food piled on this small -- then go to another part of the lawn and pick up the next pile.  I have no goddamn clue why Grandmother thinks this is the best way to do this.

And I missed some spots!  It's driving me fucking crazy!!

2) This was the conversation she had with me on Friday morning.

(weak tapping on my bedroom door)

I'm going to the Mimi's and getting my hair did!

(groggy) OK.

(minutes later, more weak tapping on my bedroom door)

OK, let's go!

(still groggy) Huh?  Go where??

Mimi's.

Huh?

I need you to take me to Mimi's.

What?!  I thought you said she was picking you up.

No.  Come on, let's go.

This was ten in the morning when I had at least two good hours of sleep to get through.  I swear I didn't hear her incorrectly.  I swear she told me she was going to her friend's.

There's more, but I have to go to work in three hours.  Part II will have to wait.