The good news: They're going to fix my driver's-side mirror tomorrow. In fact, I should be able to go from the body shop to the store to pick up my parents in a matter of an hour, so I think I could even sleep in. Moreover, it's going to cost me a lot less than I feared. So my parents won't suspect a thing and all will be well.
Except that it's not, and it shouldn't be. I'm still paying, and the money I have to spend on this should be going towards something else. There are other parts of the car that have to be fixed, for example. Or, the money that's going to replace the mirror assembly I could use to, you know, give to strippers.
I've thought about getting a seasonal job now, just to make up for the fact that I'm spending extra money for this. But then I thought, Why should I? Why do I have to make this radical change to my lifestyle because some asshole stole my mirror glass? I shouldn't, and if I do work it'll be because I'm panicking. So no, I won't panic. But having some money would be nice, though.
Anyway, such are the selfish advantages to putting things behind me, assuming nothing goes wrong tomorrow. That finally allows me to move on ... to other things ... like the fucking disaster at work Sunday.
I knew this was going to happen, me coming in all frazzled over the guy I had a run-in with the last time I was there. But, like I always do, I try to mitigate that by openly confessing my fears and loathings, not just to the people I'm working with, but anyone within earshot. So they know I'm crazy.
No, I did not see this asshole Sunday; even though I did feel like walking around and see if I could run into him and maybe pick a fight with him, I couldn't find him. What I did do, however, was screw up when it was gametime. How quickly a person you think's a good guy changes when you fuck up. I was flush and scared of messing up the rest of the game. I got so flustered that I lied when another of my "bosses" asked me a question. Didn't help that the other day players called me out on my lie. I lie when I get flustered, OK? Sue me, goddammit!!!
I have no idea if they trust me anymore. After the game they were all, "Well, we might not come back." That's even worse. Because the team is so bad now, there's a chance a different, lower-ranked crew would come in -- one I haven't worked before. So they might not hire me because they don't know me. And these guys might not hire me again because they think I'm stupid. I'm damned every which way, aren't I? I'm not working with these guys ever again, am I? My dream of being in sports is over, isn't it?
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