A Year Of Even More Violent Change

And I thought my 2011 was bad.  I had a feeling it would get worse in 2012, and to be quite honest, it did.  Last year my life was dominated by news of the closing of the family business and efforts to force Grandmother out of the house she's known for the past four decades.  My life this year centered around the furtherance of those two huge topics, mainly the completion of the latter and the impending finish of the former.  It was the same thing, only continuing.

I think about Grandmother, sometimes.  I miss her.  I hope she's doing better, or at least OK.  But then my doubts creep in.  I haven't talked to her over the phone, but I'm afraid that if I do, she'll immediately ask for money, or accuse me of stealing her paychecks.  And the wish that she was still here, with us, will immediately be whisked away with a wipe of the brow and the relief that, yes, shipping her out of here was the right thing to do.  Even worse is the possibility that she might not even remember who I am.

And The Store.  I made it out there today.  Have some beer bottles I need to wash so I can return them to the home brewery.  I killed two birds with one stone: I need to make sure the water pipes don't freeze and burst, so running very hot water through them is something I need to do over the next several days, as the weather turns very, very cold.  It just so happens that running very hot water is the very thing I need to do to wash the bottles.

It's one of the numbered times left I have with The Old Lady.  I need to cherish them.  I want to take care of it.  In particular, I want to wash its floors.  My parents left them dirty, and I understand, but I bought some Pine-Sol just for the sake of wiping the floors, at least one more time.  It deserves it.  One day I'll try and open the door and the locks would have changed.

No, I still don't have a steady job.  No, I still live with my parents.  No, we still fight.  No, I still have no direction.  No, I still haven't gotten laid.  But with the death of The Store and Grandmother being forced out, status quo, as pathetic as it is, is something I don't believe I've had the past two years.  I need things to be the same.  But I'm afraid I'll have nothing but more change I hate in 2013.

I might talk about this more soon.  I need to get shit off my chest.  Because I am still very, very unhappy.