I was having Pizza Hut with My Fucking Father.  These are the times where he starts awkward conversations about The Big Things In Life to which I have no answers.  He started in, for example, on the meeting he had with their long-time accountant and said maybe I should go back to school.  I would roll my eyes if I could.

But then he said: "The other day I went over to the milk company to sign the deal.  Pretty soon, all done."

After that I put down the slice of pizza I was eating, retreated into my room, put my head down and sat for a minute.  And now I'm blogging about this because this blog is serving its purpose of letting me put my feelings into words for all the Internet to see.

I feel like he fucking took a gun and blew a hole through my chest.  I am angry, and I am sad, and I am scared, and I feel helpless, and now my life is changing for good because the rock in this family is going to be cast aside.

I have lost my identity, and I don't know what to do.