Sunday, January 16, 2011

More Adventures With Grandmother

So I was up early because the nurse had to visit.  Was totally swamped with stuff, otherwise I would've told her that a) Grandmother must now take insulin shots, b) the assessment nurse came by yesterday, and c) if there was anything from last year in regards to the assessment nurse's visit that I should remember this time around.  But it all came spilling out this morning during our meeting.  Turns out that because the assessment nurse visited yesterday, she shouldn't've come out this morning; she should've waited until the final report from the assessment nurse was sent to her.

However, I did have a ready-made excuse to wake up early this morning: I needed to shovel the driveway and the back deck.  If I didn't have to wake up this morning, I would have needed to do it this afternoon, which would've prevented me from the things I planned to do in the afternoon, namely go to Goodwill, then the mall, then coffee to finish this week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.

I stay out late because, as I've said before, I don't want to be home when my parents come home because I think they're a lot more likely to bitch to me about doing chores around the house.  They really can't do that if I'm not there.  But if I stay out too long, like I did today, I run the risk of getting home late for dinner.  They were probably not in the mood to give me shit about doing work around the house today because Father's still recuperating from his doctor's visit Friday.  I kind of wanted to come home early enough to catch the beginning of the Steelers-Bastard Cleveland Browns playoff game, but I decided facing potential wrath from the 'Rents wasn't worth it.

Wait, wait, wait ... this is supposed to be about my Grandmother.  OK, so I was really tired when I woke up in preparation for the nurse, so I got out and start shoveling the driveway, particularly all the crusty snow at the end that's the result of the plow scraping it off the street to make sure it's clear.  Got partway through that part of the task when the nurse came.  After the visit was over, I had to eat a banana to keep up my strength.  It helped; I was able to finish with the rest of the crusty snow at the bottom of the driveway and the light and fluffy snow accumulating at the top and middle of it.

That's when I started to tire.  I kind of wanted to wait to sweep the deck until after I took a little nap, but I knew that I would be in no mood to do that if I did.  Besides, the sun was shining, and it felt warm and good, and I knew that the sun would be over the other side of the roof come the afternoon.  So I powered my way through it.

At 11 I was done, and that's when I permitted myself time to rest.  But then Grandmother wanted to go to the Chinese food store to get some greens.  This is how she asks me if I could take her to grocery shop, every single time:

"Are you going out?"

"Uh, yeah, but not right now.  Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing ... (long pause) ... it's just that I want to go to the grocery store and pick up some veggies."

Every.  Single.  Fucking.  Time.  I still on occasion blow up on her whenever she goes back to that same damn script, but this time I took a deep breath.  She can't make me take her.  I can do this whenever she wants ... just like she said.  So I decided I really wanted to pass out.  If I wake up at around noon, I'd have 3 1/2 hours, and I don't need that much time, so I'd take her then.

So I turn on the heat, set my alarm, put on my sleep mask and pass out ... only to be woken up by Grandmother, who says from outside my door that she's getting her friend to take her, so I don't have to.  Great.  I feel really tired, so I reset the alarm for an hour later.

Then later -- I don't know how much later, but I did go unconscious -- I heard the door open.  Had a passing thought before I passed out that I wanted to make sure Grandmother didn't slip on the ice, so I got up.  Outside, I saw that she was just opening the door.  She said someone was at the door; when I went to our bay window I saw a guy walking down our driveway.  That was the end of it ... until Grandmother, in that obnoxious way, again used the moment to slip in some news that altered my plans, namely that her friend had to take her car into the shop, so she wouldn't be able to take her to the grocery store -- or that's the story she's telling me.  Sigh.  So I tell her that I still need time to sleep.  I reset my alarm for, like, 45 minutes from then, which was around 12:30 (I think), and fall back to bed.

So now I'm finally ready to get up and start my afternoon.  I go to Grandmother's bedroom and tell her I'm ready to go, but she tells me she doesn't want to go anymore.  She gives me a sorry litany of excuses -- it's too cold, she was told by another friend that the greens are terrible today, let's go tomorrow -- that really started to anger me because she jerked me around again.  But then I thought that maybe my temper made her think twice about asking me to take her grocery shopping.  And then I felt guilty -- and tired.

So I tried going back to sleep, but my mind went through a to-do list of stuff I need to do.  And then I realized I couldn't go back to bed anymore.

---

You wanna know what else I find annoying about my Grandmother?  She always seems to ask me for things when I'm just about to go back to my bedroom or do something.  She may be old, but when she wants to, I'm sure she'll tap into her Bionic Woman ears and hear me retreating to my sanctuary so she knows precisely when she wants to fuck things up for me.

I got done eating dinner well after my parents and Grandmother got done.  Along with watching the game from the big TV in the dining room, I stayed out to clean my plate and chopsticks and take out the garbage.  I got done with all that between the Steelers win and the Falcons-Packers tilt, around 7.  I thought it was time to retreat into my bedroom and watch from there.

And I swear, as soon as I turn off the lights, I hear this shuffling coming from Grandmother's room.  I know she got up to talk to me about something.  So instead of heading for my bedroom, I stood there in the dining room.  I didn't turn on the light, I just stood there, peeved that she probably heard me turn off the TV and thought, "Oh, I'd better catch him before he goes into his bedroom and do things he won't drop just because I asked him to!"

Since I came back too late for the start of dinner, Grandmother ate without taking her insulin.  We discussed earlier that evening whether or not she wanted to take her shots later.  Well, she came storming out of her bedroom to say that she will be eating another dinner and, therefore, will need her insulin.

So I do all that shit for her; I harbor this secret dream where all of a sudden she knows how to do this all by herself.  During the middle of testing her blood for sugar and prepping the syringe, I thought I might as well turn the dining room TV back on and see how the Falcons-Packers game is going.  And after we're done and she puts her supplies away, I say to myself that I'll turn it off and go back to my bedroom at the next commercial break.

But Grandmother, the goddamn hoverer, walks into her bedroom to put away her supplies and comes back out during the game, probably to see what the hell's on the TV, or what else is going in my life that'll save her from her unhappy, lonely existence watching DVD's in her bedroom.  Oh great -- now I can't lock myself in my bedroom because then I'd be a dick who left his granny to fend for herself in a cold house.  So with another sigh, I sit down at the dining room table and watch tonight's/last night's game with Grandmother not understanding much of football.  She lasted until the very last minute of the game.  I could have used the warmth my space heater, and the comfort my bed, could provide.

Oh well: I wanted to watch Saturday Night Live, and I really wanted to see the end of the game, so maybe just staying out in the dining room was a blessing in disguise.  Still ticked off that Grandmother's being so clingy, too.

Oh, and later in the evening she asked me if I saw her glasses.  She couldn't find them.  I saw them in her bedroom.

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