Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Most Interesting Study I'm Ever Been A Part Of

Right now I am currently in a hospital room. I have a needle stuck up my arm, from which nurses have been drawing blood all day, a total of eight times, I think. I got here a bit after 9 this morning, and I will be here till a bit past 9 tonight.

But no, I'm not sick. They are taking my blood and urine after I took a pill when I began my study ... "period" this morning. The plastic jug of piss is chillin' in the mini-fridge. But, besides the dull pain from the injection site, things are good. I'm part of a study monitoring my effluvia after consuming pills. I get paid four figures if I complete the whole study -- five more of these 12-hour visits and a dozen more visits where I take home a plastic jug to pee in overnight to deliver back to them in the morning over a period of the next half-year.

I'm blogging right now on a hospital table that comes right up to my lap. I'm watching free cable right now. Dinner's coming soon. And I'm in my pajamas. All of this -- and I am getting paid to do it!

I've never done something like this before, taking a whole day to hang out at a hospital. I've seen many studies where you can go to a place where they give you drugs and they monitor you overnight, sometimes over a weekend. You can get thousands of dollars for it. I think that's also good work if you can get it, but I don't think my parents would like the fact that I'm a guinea pig. They'll tell me I should use my brain to make money, not my body. Hey, I ain't gettin' blown by some repressed dude. Plus, this is for SCIENCE!!! (Well, it's also probably for some pharmaceutical company to make millions, but this is the power dynamic we live under under capitalism.)

The problem is hiding the jug I have to take home tonight and tomorrow night. Whenever I pee the next 48 hours, I pee into that. I just hope no one in the family gets curious at the bag (I don't know what type I'll put the jug in to make it look innocuous) overnight and opens it. "What the fuck is this??? I just drank your pee!!!"

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