Take the Jynx, for example. They went 2-1 this week, but no matter. They obviously top this week's list because they bounced back from that defeat, a Game 2 loss at San Antonio in the Western Conference Semifinals on Sunday, by pounding the shit out of the Silver Stars in Game 3 on Tuesday, 85-67. I had the hook-up for the game, but foolishly, I was inclined not to go because I did not want to bear witness to what I was sure would be a choke job by the Jynx. My friend took one of my friend's tickets, and I told him that if he could find someone to go with him, take him or her. But he failed to, and I am not one to waste things, so I decided to go at the last minute. Thank Buddha I did, and thank goodness I was wrong about the Lynx.
So when my same friend got the hook-up for more complimentary tickets for Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals Thursday, I did not hesitate; I said fuck yeah I'll go! And thank God I did not pay for my optimism; the Lynx held the Phoenix Mercury to the same amount of points San Antone scored two days before, but added 10 of their own. In other words, the team crushed Phoenix 95-67.
The team led by as much as, I think, 17 points in the first half before Phoenix cut it to as little as six(?) points in the third. But then, in a sign of loaded championship teams, the Lynx went on a run to put the game away.
The main difference between this team and teams past, I now believe, is injury. The most important ability in basketball, and yet the most nebulous to capture, is the ability to just flat out score. Seimone Augustus and Candice Wiggins have that God-given shooting touch. But both players have been out for significant periods of time in seasons past that have torpedoed good rosters. So, in retrospect, maybe it shouldn't be surprising that the Lynx have gone from bottom-feeder to championship contender in one year. It was just a matter of getting healthy.
Thursday they looked good enough to win Game 2 in Phoenix Sunday afternoon. If they don't, the deciding Game 3 will be at Target Center Tuesday night. Let's cross fingers that they don't blow this.
#-2: Gopher women's soccer (Last Week: -4). Another example of records not meaning anything this week. The distaff footballers won once and tied once this week, and are thus 1-0-1 to begin Big Ten play. But they have dug themselves a big hole in non-conference play, and their overall record stands at 6-5-1. They're not in the Pac-12, so they have a lot of work in-conference to get an invitation to the NCAA Tournament.
Last (Friday) night's victory at Michigan was a wild one. Minnesota scored first, then the Wolverines tied and went ahead before halftime. Then it began The Taylor Uhl Show. The Eden Prairie Freshman Forward rebounded a goal in the 68th minute to re-knot the match. Finally, with 58 seconds left to go, Uhl chipped a shot past Michigan Goalie Haley Kopmeyer to win the match. She has now scored four goals this season.
They continue their three-game road trip early Sunday afternoon at Michigan St. and Thursday at Wisconsin.
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -6). Good news and better news. The good news: Head Coach Jerry Kill did not have a seizure on the sidelines on Saturday! Better news: The Goofs finally won their first game of the season, a 29-23 victory over Miami (OH) at TCF Bank Stadium. They're still third because, at 1-2, they have no shot to win the Mythical National Championship, and they are probably not a good team.
And that's all I've got.
I wonder if I should put the Gopher gridironers in next week's survey. Tonight (Saturday night) they are hosting North Dakota St. in their annual "bodybag" game. But whose body is in the bag? The Gophers have been so awful in recent years that, if you recall, the Bison actually went into the Dome and beat Tim Brewster and Minnesota. I understand why a first-division program would want to play a lower-division squad. But it only makes sense if you're so good that there's no doubt you would lay waste to that sacrificial lamb. In such a scenario, the team gains confidence, the players get playing time, the coaching staff gets a win to pad their resume, the fans get what should be a dominating victory to get shitfaced over, and the program can point to the win as a sign Minnesota's on the way up.
But there's little upside for a program as sucky as Minnesota's to do the same, especially against a close school that travels very well, like North Dakota St. Gopher fans are so apathetic that The Bank is probably going to be half-Bison. There's no chance Minnesota will destroy NDSU. And if the Bison win? That is a serious dagger that could end the honeymoon and maybe even abort the stint of Coach Kill at the U.
There should be a law that at least 12 games have to be against top-flight schools. You can schedule a lower-division team at home in order to generate revenue, but that's a 13th game for your school. Also, a win has no bearing on your BcS standing, but a loss does. That should be enough of an incentive to cut down on the number of these embarrassing "bodybag" games.
#-4: Gopher women's volleyball (Last Week: -2). 2-1 for the week ... but the one loss may expose the pecking order of the Big Ten.
They beat Middle Tennessee St. in three sets and host Marquette in five to win the Marquette Tournament last weekend. But the ninth-ranked Goofs began Big Ten play last (Friday) night hosting third-ranked Illinois and was humbled in five sets, drawing first blood and tying the match by snatching the fourth set. It seems to have been a hard-fought match, but I believe a Top 10 team, and one harboring postseason ambitions, should be able to win such games against excellent opponents at home. Now do you think the U. can win the return match in Champaign October 29?
The squad host Northwestern Sunday afternoon, then being a four-match road trip at Ohio St. Friday.
#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -5). I was at the Metrodome to see the ViQueens' awful, stomach-churning yet predictable second-half choke job against Tampa Bay. And yet I don't think I've ever seen a Vikings team blow halftime leads that large in back-to-back games. But they followed up their second-half no-show in San Diego with a similar disinterested brown-out as the Buccaneers were able to catch them, then move past them with the winning touchdown. There were many low points to fixate over; I think the beginning of the end for the team was when Tampa Bay recovered in onside kick.
For the first time in a long time, Detroit comes in as Vegas' favorite over the Vikes. They're right, and that'll be proven Sunday afternoon.
#-6: Twins (Last Week: -7). Yay, Rene Tosoni drove in the winning run and now the 11-game losing streak is over! I feel a late September surge coming on!! We're coming, we're coming!!!
OK, never mind. They still are, like, seven games behind Kansas City for worst record in the American League Central. They are, far and away, the worst team in the American League. And it looks like they'll get the second pick in the MLB draft because only Houston has a sorrier record this year.
An indicator of the injury bug that has plagued this team for the entire year: On the car caravan to the airport right after that dramatic win, Denard Span rear-ended Danny Valencia and his fiancee. They were benched for tonight's (last night's) loss at Cleveland. You fucking kidding me?
The only thing -- the only thing -- to look forward to the rest of the season is to see the Twinks breaking 100 losses for only the second time in franchise history. They have to go .500, 3-3, to avoid the century mark. Will they do it and avoid a wincing, embarrassing record? They have three games left at Cleveland this weekend (there's a doubleheader Saturday; the day game is a make-up for the rainout on August 14), then they finally finish this Shit Season To Forget with three games at home against Kansas City.
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