Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Sunday, May 31:

• Fucked ****e.  Maybe I shouldn't have done it after getting wanked by ***e*, but I already promised ****e.  I wish I had given myself more time to recuperate.  Total: $120.
• Saturday the 30th ... said HJ from ***e*.  "Responded" perfectly fine.  Total: $120.
• In the afternoon I went to the barber school to get a shave.  Seeing some from high school whom I haven't seen since high school, and I reckon I should clean myself up a bit, even if I'll have a week's worth of stubble on my face.  With tip: $12.
• I then went to Nelson's Cheese for a chicken wrap, a medium corn bacon chowder, and a bottle of RC Cola.  I said that the corn bacon chowder was a diuretic for the ice cream I had the night before, but it was a very tasty diuretic.  It was expensive, so the I gave back all the change from the $20 I handed over, so I spent: $20.
• On Thursday the 28th I went to the Moonwater Gin Bar, specifically for the sushi pop-up.  I'm still on a high from the yellowtail tuna I had.  While I tipped through the receipt, for some reason the restaurant-within-the-restaurant also had fishbowls out asking for tips for both the itamae and the wait staff.  I kind of think it's overkill, but hey, I was totally happy with everybody and everything there, so I tossed in three bucks in both bowls, so the total comes out to: $6.
• Back to Sunday, May 24 ... I first went to Brit's Pub for EPL "Decision Day."  To celebrate the big spectacle (and big crowd), I got two dishes to go along with my Bloody Mary.  With tip: $53.
• I then went to Bebe Zito to grab ice cream.  These guys don't have pennies (I think), so they do the "nearest nickel" thing, and mind rounded up.  With tip -- and golly, that much for ice cream?!: $8.60.
• See, I went to Bebe Zito for ice cream because I wanted to try an affogato by going next door to Caffetto and ordering a double shot of espresso.  Pour the espresso over the ice cream and voila, affogato!  (This wasn't my idea; one day when I went to Caffetto, the barista told me outside food is allowed and in fact told me this hack.)  With tip: $5.
• On Saturday the 23rd I was also at Brit's Pub, this time for the English Championship play-up Game, won by Hull (on a Goal in Second Half Stoppage Time) over Middlesbrough.  I was going to get a second dish if it were going to Extra Time, so that late tally saved me money.  Still, with what I got (a bacon butty [?] and a Bloody Mary), I spent, with tip: $38 (ETA on June 30 at 1:42 a.m. that the actual amount I spent was $32.  Don't know why I said $38.)
• Later that afternoon, I went to the Loons Match.  Then, after the Tie, I went to Bang Brewing.  It's a nice, humble, easygoing place.  They have great pizza (from a different company).  And they are trying to be sustainable with everything they do, including using the grains for their beer.  I charged the pizza, but I paid cash for the Kernza.  With tip: $9.
• And then I saw that they offer products from this Patagonia Provisions line, items from the Patagonia outdoor wear company that also promote sustainability.  I'll bite; I bought crackers and, even though I swore I'd never eat them and think they're gross on pizza, a tin of anchovies.  Total for both: $11.
• Thursday, May 21 -- it was the very first day of the Kickoff To Summer At The Fair, The Minnesota State Fair.  I saw it as an opportunity to get the fair food I always wanted to get but never got around to getting, get the fair food I usually get so I could try other fair food when the actual State Fair rolls around, and eat all of that without the crazy crowds.  Well, the first thing I did was line up at Amish Annie Donut.  What am I doing?  I mean, the chocolate chip donut was great, but why am I replicating the bad part of the State Fair, and first thing?  The fairgrounds itself, a lot of it cordoned off (BTW, there was no Midway because the rides aren't there), was sparse, actually, so there was room to roam without getting bodied up creepily.  (There are limits to crowds for all four days of this pre-Fair Fair; Saturday and Sunday sold out.)  I went back and forth for both food and drinks and using cash and a credit card.  I used cash for the donut (with tip), cheese curds, a small mini donut beer (with tip), and a Minneapple Pie with cinnamon ice cream.  (For my own sake, I want to note here that I used my credit card for a blue raspberry lemonade from Little Prairie Coffee, a pickle pizza from Rick's, and a Big Fat Bacon, something I've always wanted to try.)  Cash total: $44.
• Back to Sunday the 17th, where I spent my afternoon at Art-A-Whirl, eating and drinking while walking around and looking at art.  I was going to have separate bullet points for every food and drink I bought, but I just realized that, like the Minnesota State Fair, there's nothing stopping me from aggregating all the stuff I consume into one bullet point because this was all for one occasion and one "event," albeit a big one.  So, my OCD satisfied and to spare myself a few more seconds of time, I can tell you that the elote, a special beer from Pryes Brewing just for Art-A-Whirl (with tip), and a can of Coke (also with tip) I paid for with cash to the tune of: $19.
• I will separate donations from victuals and libations.  I saw someone carrying a very light-looking safe on her shoulders.  She was getting the word out about a Narcan first aid kit.  She and the person she was with were soliciting donations, so the second time I saw them, I kicked in: $1.
• Friday, May 15: This is when Art-A-Whirl started, and I bought three pieces of art, two of them with cash, and I feel better of I separated them since they are things that, well, I still have.  In front of this art gallery I patronize was this artist selling small pieces of art.  One of them was an egg chair.  It came disassembled in a small plastic case, like a toy you would get when you put in a quarter in a vending machine, you know?  I found it whimsical enough to buy, even though I assembled it real quick and I think this is a chair only for small eggs.  Regardless, it was cheap: $1.
• I took a break from "arting" and went to Stargazer.  This place may be the hippest part of the Twin Cities for food, and I'm glad I hit Stargazer for the first time in a long time.  One drink, a Stargazer Burger (which actually is the size of a slider), pasta and tip came out to: $48.
• A small parking lot was cleared out for a couple art stalls and a couple pop-ups for food and drink.  The pizza and drink I got (both of which I charged) were great.  But I spied a freezer from this company called Chunk Chunk, and I had to get an ice cream sandwich.  Paid: $7.
• I finally bit the bullet, went back to the art gallery I've been going to for decades, and decided I had the money and the courage to buy a piece of art from the owner, another person I've been acquaintances with for decades.  It is a small framed print which I now have at my work desk.  Yeah, I buy art now.  By the way, I don't know if it's just art, but one does not pay sales tax if you can pay with money.  Cost: $35.

Good through May 31.

The Miracle That Helped Me Avoid A Mistake And A Ripoff ... Until

Trying to get the cheapest price for a ticket to a sporting event has become harder than the Riemann hypothesis.  It makes a man go crazy, as I can attest.

Let me take you back to Sunday, March 18.  It was the day after a day I call Conference Championship Saturday, where the six conferences in top-flight men's college hockey all hosted their title games and auto-bids and, in a crucial difference from selecting at-large teams for college basketball, the rest of the field is objectively decided.  I detailed how Minnesota became The Last Team Out through a series of title game results under the Gopher men's hockey entry in this particular Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  Moreover, North Dakota became The Next-To-Last Team Out.  And with this year's Frozen Four (the Final Four in college hockey) being played at the Xcel Energy Center tonight and Saturday, this season's NCAA Tournament lost the two biggest fanbases from the area.

That meant that, at least in my mind, prices on secondary ticket markets, such as StubHub and SeatGeek would crater, or at least be as cheap as they would ever be.  So in the morning, before I was to go get a free birthday mocha at Dunn Bros. and seeing the Adios Utopia exhibit at the Walker (on its last day, no less) and attending the Women's Frozen Four Final, I went to both sites to see what the prices are.

Last time the Frozen Four was at the X, back in 2011, I went to the arena and bought a ticket to both semifinals off the street for $125.  So my big goal was to see if I could get semifinals tickets for less than that.  I figured that people were savvy enough to know that neither the Golden Gophers nor the Fighting Hawks would be in the tourney, so the prices would be cheap.  Well, not as much as I thought they were.  On SeatGeek I saw a seat, second level on one end of the arena for $115.  Not an ideal spot to watch a hockey game -- I've become somewhat of a bougie when it comes to watching hockey games -- but my main focus was to just get in for as cheap a price as possible.

I then went over to StubHub.  The main difference between StubHub and SeatGeek is that on SeatGeek, you can see prices for tickets without or with fees.  You can on StubHub too, but you have to wait until you select a seat.  You know that intermediate step where you are sent to a page where you put in your credit card information?  That's when you get to see the real total for a ticket on StubHub.  Very annoying, I think.

I saw a StubHub ticket that intrigued me, but I wanted to see what the price of the seat with fees was going to run me.  If it was low enough, I'd buy it.  And since I have an account with StubHub, I might as well sign in in case I wanted to buy it.  So I did all that, I selected the ticket, and when I got the "confirm payment" page, I saw that, with fees, the price of this seat, on StubHub, was $123.50.  Well, that's lower than the $125 I paid seven years ago, I thought.  And the prices of these seats are only going to go up once fans know where their teams are playing.  Yet this was more than a fortnight away from the games.  Should I wait and risk the prices edging or skyrocketing higher?  Or should I jump in now and risk seeing the prices shrink or plummet lower?

I was hemming and hawing for a good hour, lying sideways and putting so much weight on my arm that I cramped.  Finally, I felt that the prices of the tickets I saw had already built in the lack of local interest and that they were not going to go any lower.  So with the fees, I thought it was cheap enough for me to buy that ticket.  On StubHub.

Partly as a reflex, I did the Alt + Tab thing ... where I went back to the SeatGeek site ... and saw the ticket I was looking at ... for $115.  Oh.  My.  Fucking.  God.  Unforgivable Wetness, you fucking idiot, you just paid eight bucks more for the same goddamn ticket -- that ticket that was right in front of you!  Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!!!

Man, all I can say is that I got so tortured over whether or not I should buy a ticket or not that I totally forgot that I was looking for tickets in two places, so that when I decided that yes, I will buy, I just jumped in and bought the ticket at the screen I was looking at.  I had forgotten about comparing prices between StubHub and SeatGeek.  That's a weakness of mine.

But wait -- there's more.  Once I realized my mistake, I spiraled into a self-shaming panic.  I had the whole house to myself, my parents were in the other hemisphere, and my heart was pounding through my chest out as if I'm about to get caught murdering somebody.  And in an effort to "make things right," I doubled down on my fuck-up by buying that cheaper ticket at SeatGeek.  So I went from a chance of not purchasing a ticket to purchasing two to the same event at a total fucking cost of $338.50.  My God, I am a fucking mess.

---

Suffice it to say that move or moves colored my whole day.  I really didn't think of going to the Walker, but after I breathed in deeply and realized that I might be out more than $300, I figured what's another ten bucks doing a hour-long drive-by of Cuban protest art?  (Like I said in the previous blog post, I really would prefer to linger and wander through an exhibition, and even though I'm glad I went, I wish I had devoted more time looking at Adios Utopia.)  And while the Women's Frozen Four Final was great, half the time I was just staring at the ice and going, "My God, what the hell did I do?"

As the hours passed I calmed down.  The problem crystallized; I had bought two tickets and I could not cancel either order, so my plan was to sell one at face value (or a few cents above), and if that doesn't work, well, I'll have to eat the difference and hope that I remember this masochistic, self-inflected gunshot wound to my wallet from now on.

Nevertheless, I was going to raise holy hell about these tickets anyway.  So at work the next day, I put up the more expensive ticket I bought on StubHub back for sale.  In the meantime, I was going to talk to customer service to see if I could find a loophole, or some way, to get back my money.  When I got an agent on to chat, I spewed out a bullshit lie about my nephew screwing around on my computer and inadvertently buying this ticket for me.  That didn't work.  Then I looked at the instructions I was given and saw that the StubHub ticket was going to be sent to me through mobile, but only through an account I set up on either the StubHub or TicketMaster app.  I tried that -- at this point I just wanted to get the ticket in order to properly put the ticket up for sale -- but I couldn't download either application because my iPhone is too old.  The next day I went to StubHub chat again with the purpose of complaining that I did not know that I needed to download an app to get a ticket, and as such I would not be able to get the ticket unless they could tell me another way.

That's when something interesting happened.  The agent I spoke to that Monday and the one I spoke to on this occasion (on Tuesday) both said to look through my e-mail for a message, in particular one with a specific Subject Line.  I don't remember what that Subject Line is, but I did not see it.  That's when he asked for my phone number; he said he was going to call me later after notifying the seller about my problem.  (In the meantime I asked again whether I could just get the order cancelled; no dice.  Hey, I have to be persistent, right?)

Someone left me a message on Google Voice; I returned it when I had free time.  The ticket, I have come to understand, was supposed to come through this e-mail both agents told me to look for; there is a button in that message to "accept," and then I am able to get the ticket, via e-mail or another app I could download or, well, something.  Anyway, there should have been an e-mail sent but there wasn't.  And the agent who left me that voicemail said that the reason it was not sent was because of a mistake on the seller's part.  The way it was told to me (if I understand it in the first place) is that the seller entered a Seat Number for transmission to me through that e-mail that was different from the one he or she put up for sale.  That is a discrepancy that StubHub could not automatically overlook.

"So," the agent said, "Are you OK with getting a ticket with a seat number different from the one you agreed to?"

Well shit, here's the loophole from heaven I was looking for!  "Well, since I've said that I don't want this ticket in the first place ... no, I am not OK with buying this ticket!"

"OK," the guy said, and I then I couldn't really understand him because he was mumbling.  But he started the process of issuing me a refund.  I think he said that transactions that, and I quote, "cause confusion" can in fact be stopped and reversed.  I needed to go back to my cubicle and bring the ticket down from selling; and in that process I got disconnected from that agent so I had to call another one after I did take it down.  But I just checked my American Express, and yes, I got a refund.  I got that miracle I needed, and it turns out that it probably would have happened even if I didn't cajole and complain.  Yep, sometimes the breaks go your way!

So I'm off the hook for the more expensive StubHub ticket and am more than willing to pay for the cheaper ticket I found and bought on SeatGeek.  I could download it because it goes to FlashSeats, a ticket app that I do have and that still does work on my iPhone 4.  And I'm all ready and set to go to tonight's games and, hopefully, scalp for a really cheap seat for Saturday's title game!

---

But wait.  There's more.

Ever since I put that episode behind me, I have been looking at SeatGeek and StubHub off and on to look at ticket prices.  I couldn't help it, I was curious.  I had to know if I did the right thing buying so far away from the Frozen Four, or if I made a mistake.

For the record, the prices didn't really change after that Sunday, or really until the tournament began later that week.  After that weekend, when the Frozen Four teams were determined, tickets in general went up a tick.  And they sort of stayed up there through, I believe, this past Sunday or so, which was the last time I looked at those scalper sites.

But before I started this blog post I checked again.  And goddammit, I should have waited.  As of right now, I could get an upper-level, one-end-only ticket for $77.85.  The hockey tournament took the week off to make way for the men's Final Four, so I had no freakin' clue why prices would crater when there were no games going on.  Then I remembered that the NCAA released more tickets on Monday that were allotted tickets returned by the four particpating schools, so maybe there's enough of a glut of supply to depress prices.  Oh, and irony or ironies?  That $78 ticket is on StubHub, the scalper site I went through so much hell with (although, I have to say, both Amir and Jamal treated me really well.  I hope I have their names right, because they helped me get out of this jam of my own making).  Including fees I could have gotten a ticket for $35 less if I just held my piss and waited.  And really, all this ennui from the soul was for naught.

(metaphorically slaps head on table till I bleed)

It is in that vein where I currently am gauging getting a ticket for Saturday's title game.  My thought was to do something similar to what happened in 2011.  When I bought a ticket to the semifinals off the street (for $125), I was offered a ticket to the championship game for, like, $150.  The guy said that once North Dakota, which was playing Michigan in the nightcap, wins, that ticket is going to go up to $250 -- "at least."  I took my chances, and after they got upset by the Wolverines, I milled about on the street and cried out, "Looking for one for Saturday!"  Ten feet away from me, a girl looked in my direction, then tugged at the sleeve of presumably her father.  They were NoDak fans, and they were looking to sell their tickets because they were hightailing it, I assume, back to Grand Forks.  Right place, right time, and hey, I was persistent.  I got one of their tickets for $50.  I still consider it the best on-the-street ticket I've ever bought.

However, as of several minutes ago, there is one ticket -- nosebleed, at one end only -- that is selling on StubHub for, with fees, less than $50.  The delivery system is UPS, so I really have until today to buy it, because if I wait till tomorrow, how is it going to get delivered?  So should I just get it, and risk buying it too high, like with the semifinal ticket?  Or should I stick with my original plan, which is just go to the X tonight, shout that I need a ticket for Saturday, and pray that a disgruntled fan of the losing team sells me one for dirt cheap, and risk not getting one for dirt cheap?

(metaphorically slaps head on table till I go unconscious)

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Monday, January 15:

• Well, the salad and the Papa John's I got on MLK Day I have receipts for, so I will go back to Sunday the 14th, where, because the Vikings game was an afternoon game and my body clock is still adjusted to regular people's time, I had the energy (at least in the morning) to bang out my blog post at Diamonds Coffee, just before I had to go to U.S. Bank Stadium.  Still have a free coffee coming, but I paid for a small mocha to wake me up.  With tip it came to: $5.
• After that crazy finish I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) for the first time in a long time -- like, a month.  Saw Kirah there, which surprised me; I thought the purge swept her away, too.  But it didn't, and with only two girls working the shift that started just as I walked in, I got an LD with her, who was working the previous shift.  And she hit me up for a Grape Ape, which she said cost five bucks when it actually cost $6.25.  Oh, and she got my name wrong, too.  Whatevs, she's still hot.  With the stage tips and coffee for me, the total actually was cheaper than most outings here: $35.
• On Saturday, January 13 I went to The Local for some EPL.  Sandwich, Strongbow and tip: $13.75.
• Friday the 12th -- parked downtown in the afternoon to get my shoes shined.  Estimated it to be more than half an hour, which translated to: $1.25.
• The shiner upped her prices by two bucks, I think, but I gave her the same total: $15.
• And since I didn't face a line to get my Docs shined, I had time on my meter to eat a doughnut real quick from Bogart's at the IDS Center.  With tip: $3.
• Went to exercise that afternoon.  There was a tournament going on in the other rink, and so they opened up the concession stand.  It's uncommon for me to eat there, but since I would be starting work the following week (this week) I figure that I would wreck my exercise by eating a pizza there.  With a donation for the hockey organization: $4.
• Thursday, January 11 ... first morning with my parents home.  There was a snowstorm.  Since my parents got home late, they had no energy to fix me food, so I figured that this would be as good a time as any to wake up in the morning as if I had work and go to this place close by called Roman's, which the site Roadfood touts as a place to get chicken-fried steak and a pancake.  Both of them were very good, and I'm glad I finally got to go to this place.  With tip: $15.
• Then, since I had nothing to do, I wondered what to do.  I went to the library first to work out my next steps.  I thought about working out, but the snow lingered and even intensified, so I thought that staying off the highway was the best thing to do.  So I went to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts that afternoon.  There was no exhibition I thought to catch or anything; I just went to, well, see stuff, get some culture in me.  Donated: $2.
• To Wednesday the 10th, where I went to a party just before I had to pick up my parents.  It was a dud for many reasons: one of the strippers I wanted to see wasn't there; there was no VIP; the one girl who could have been "fun" could not break away from just talking to other people; one of the three girls was new and scared the shit out of me.  I just got two dances from ********a, whose party I went to because I got in for free.  Even though I didn't have the money, I came in flush with cash.  And yet I only spent: $40.
• On Tuesday the 9th I went to see Darkest Hour.  I heard some reviews lauding Gary Oldman's performance as Winston Churchill.  I've also seen some reviews that this movie is less of a masterpiece and more like Oscar bait.  I agree with that, totally.  Wish I could say I was enthralled by Oldman, but I wasn't.  He just put in the time to affect his mannerisms, and the costume designer did the rest.  I feel as though he's still the favorite to win Best Actor at this year's Oscars, but it'll be a way to toss a long-respected actor a bone for his body of work, and not a reward for this particular role.  Grade: B, B-?  Ticket, popcorn, pop: $9.67.
• I finally had the time after the movie to wait in line to get my car washed.  I thought it'd take longer than the 20-5 minutes I waited from the time I got to the end of the line to the time they started vacuuming my car.  Charged the wash, so it's only cash for the tip: $2.
• This stripper who no-showed for the following night's party works as a barista for this coffeeshop relatively close to me.  Or at least I thought she did ... I went over there after the car wash because I wanted to see if she still worked there, and if she did, to see her in civilians clothes in order to get horned out when I saw her the next day naked.  But after seeing her, even though she was very friendly to me, I am not quite sure if she recognized me from the house parties.  Hmmm.  Pourover coffee -- real good -- plus tip: $4.75.
• Raced home because ***e* wanted to move up the time to clean my house.  I told her she could do a quick job, but after seeing how much she skipped, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.  Oh, well; as I write this, Father hasn't complained about the house being dirty.  Paid her the usual: $120.
• Finally, to commemorate my last night before my folks came home, I went to Caffetto to have time to myself.  Apple pie with a small coffee served as my late dinner.  With tip: $6.

Unless I'm missing something, I'm through to MLK, Jr. Day.

Failing To Preserve A Masterpiece

So 2015 is the Minneapolis Institute of Art's 100-year anniversary.  As part of the year-long festivities, they had several surprises up its sleeve which they sprinkled over the year.

In my opinion, the best of these surprises were three "residencies" of masterpieces around the world, the identities of each kept secret until it was displayed for the first time.  After several weeks, they were gone, presumably whisked back to their home museum.  I like to think the local museum's collection is robust, yet I still feel as though the major works of art in the Western canon all belong somewhere else, whether it be New York, London, or continental Europe, so I think we've been graced with greatness from God when I heard of the three paintings that MIA (or "Mia," in its new and lame branding scheme) borrowed for the year.

Didn't matter that I was unfamiliar with all three paintings.  I was familiar with the painters, and that was more than enough for me to stop by and gaze at them for a few minutes.  The three "Mystery Masterpieces" were:

1. "Woman Reading a Letter," by Johannes Vermeer, courtesy of the Rijksmuseum, of Amsterdam;
2. "Madonna of the Pinks," by Raphael, courtesy of the National Gallery, of London; and
3. "Irises," by Vincent van Gogh, courtesy of the Van Gogh Museum, also of Amsterdam.

And I wanted so bad to preserve the memory that these masterpieces were so kind enough to stop by our little town that I took my camera with me so I could enter this special showcase room on the first floor and take a picture.  I learned when I took Advanced Placement Art History to not do that because it damages the painting and it's uncouth.  But as an adult I basically said fuck that, because I want to say that I saw great works of art, and one way to prove that I did to no one in particular is to snap a photo.

What I forgot is that it photography may not be allowed.  These painting are not Mia's, so they just can't allow people to whip out their phones and take as many snaps as they want.  That did not occur to me when I was able to capture the Vermeer, and I wasn't being surreptitious about it.  In fact, I think I took a photo of that with people surrounding me.

I got warned the second time, with the Raphael.  But I think it was a case where the docent said, "Sir?  Sir??" and I made sure I got the photo before I turned my attention towards her, as if I didn't hear her until after I took the photo.  She didn't confiscate my smartphone, but she did make sure I knew such photo-taking was frowned upon.

So I was on notice, and on my toes, for the van Gogh.  But I wanted to get a photo of that.  Hell, I had to get a photo of that, because I got a photo of the other two "Mystery Masterpieces."  Without a picture of "Irises," my collection is incomplete.  I have to commemorate that these three paintings were hung at MIA.

So, what to do?  Well, when I went to the museum, I wanted to see if the security guard who was posted in the room where these works of art were displayed was being lax.  He or she never was, so I didn't dare earn their ire by taking a picture.

My strategy, then, was to go in there as much as possible and hope that the guard is other preoccupied or absent, and then I would quickly snap a photo and be done with it.  I was going to do that, I thought to myself, as soon as I had time.  I was busy that weekend, and the next, but after that, yeah, I'll implement my plan.

What I didn't plan on was figuring out at what date would "Irises" be gone.  I didn't think of looking it up on the museum's website, especially after I started this new job.  So, a few weeks ago, as football season was winding down, I thought about this plan and whether or not the van Gogh was even there.  That's when I finally looked up the date of the painting's residence and, sure enough, it was whisked out of Mia in early October.

So now I feel like such a stupid idiot for not even trying to take a photo of it.  I was plenty busy, but I could have broken away from watching football for a couple hours, just so I could drive down to the museum and see if I could capture a pic.  But I didn't, because I was lazy and didn't keep my eye on the ball, or stick to my plan.  So now I have two of the three "Mystery Masterpieces" on my smartphone camera, but not all three.  Therefore, it feels woefully incomplete, like missing the thumb of your hand.

Expenses Without Receipts

Doing these at least once a month seems like a smart thing to do.  Haven't been able to do it, however.  It's more than about time.  Starting with Tuesday, January 20:

• Well, I didn't spend anything on Tuesday, January 20.  And I charged everything on Monday, January 19.  So we got back to Sunday, January 18.  Woke up very early in the morning.  Thought to spend my morning having mocha and a cookie outside.  With tip: $6.
• Saturday, January 17.  With my car in the shop, spent the day using public transportation to go from one end of the metro area to the other and back.  Not bad, but it reminds me that you need a lot of patience -- and time, and planning -- if you don't have a car.  For example, I was late catching the light rail to go from the Mall of America to downtown to catch the transfer bus back home.  Because of that I missed the last bus I could use this ticket I got 2 1/2 hours.  Therefore, I had to buy yet another ticket, a third.  Consider that a waste.  Maybe I'll ruminate on that further, but I charged that third ticket to my credit card because I ran out of change I used on my first two tickets: $3.50.
• Was up at 7:15 Saturday morning because I wanted to make sure The Real Mechanic Around The Corner had enough time to check out what I think is my engine misfiring while also replacing my flex pipe.  So I was dragging when I made that final trip back home via light rail and bus.  So I went to a Caribou Coffee to get a mocha as a pick-me-up.  With tip: $4.75.
• That evening I went to the Minnesota RollerGirls bout.  Woman had a spare ticket I paid $10 for, which is a buck less than what I would've paid for at the window.  Had a beer, a Lift Bridge Farm Girl.  Kind of like your run-of-the-mill beers like Coors and Miller, therefore it's pretty good!  Total, with beer tip: $18.
• After that I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  The waitress there dances there.  I didn't recognize her with her clothes on.  Don't know if she ever waitressed before, but after counting my change after I gave all the strippers working that shift tips I think she shorted me by a dollar.  I choose not to pick this battle.  With coffee and tip: $12.
• On Friday the 16th I took my car to the wash.  It finally got above freezing, so it was more than time to get it washed, even if I would get it washed the next day by The Mechanic Around The Corner.  I have a receipt for the $14.01 I paid for the wash, but the EWR is for the tip only.  Disappointed that they did not take out the car mats to dry.  Nevertheless I shelled out the same amount in tips I usually give: $2.
• Wednesday, January 14 ... after seeing my shrink I remembered that I wanted to print out a schedule of projects for one of the two test-scoring places I work for.  Want to see what I was and was not selected for when the decision comes down.  One big change from years previous, which I will blog about later, if I remember.  I forgot to print it out last week, and actually walked out of the library before remembering that I hadn't picked it up yet.  Unfortunately printouts at Ramsey County libraries are an expensive: 20 cents.
• I walked to the library from Perkins, where I decided to eat.  Thought it was a good idea to get the printout, which is a web page, before the company decided to take it down.  But I didn't want to drive my car from Perkins to the library because I knew it was a short drive.  It was a long walk, however, especially when I didn't know exactly where the library was.  Tracked through snow, which melted between the treads of my shows and left muddy water on the floor of the library.  Man, I feel bad about that.  Oh, this is about Perkins.  Used a coupon for a burger and fries.  With tip, which should have been only a buck but I couldn't spare to just leave a solitary dollar: $12.26.
• On Monday the 12th I had a bit of a dilemma.  I was able to get out Monday night to watch the College Football National Championship (no longer Mythical, thank Buddha), but the timing was off.  If I went too early I would be at the bar too long for me to eat; if I went too late my parents would get mad at me for leaving so late at a worknight.  So I left early and drove down to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  Waitress gave me the coffee for free because she had to get herself.  Gave her a buck anyway.  With tipping the dancers, over two shifts: $15.
• Then I decided it was time to go to Old Chicago to see the game.  Wow, Ohio St. managed to outrun Oregon at the end there.  A blow for the Big Ten, and for northern schools in general.  Actually had two rounds of food.  Maybe I shouldn't've gotten that pizza; my waitress took a break, and by the time she came back there were five minutes in the game and the Buckeyes had the game in hand.  With tip: $11.25.
• On Sunday the 11th my day was centered around the Gopher women's basketball game.  The game began at 2, but I wanted to leave before that.  So I went to the mall closest to the U. and hung out at a place called Digby's tugging on a beer.  With tip: $4.
• The game ... close one, moral victory, but like I said, they had their chances.  Thank goodness you can still get in free with a student ID.  Where's the program?  Hot dog and Coke equals, I think: $8.25.
• Back to Friday, January 9 -- my friend invited me out to see pro wrestling at First Avenue.  Never done that before.  Good to hang out with him for the first time in a long time.  These guys, well ... as they say, the hits and injuries are real, but this isn't the WWE.  The "kill shot" in the main event was supposed to be a blow to the head from the heavyweight belt, but from my ringside seat it was a miss.  The guy that got "hit" didn't miss falling through the table, however.  Pabst Blue Ribbon was being promoted.  Plus tip for the beer and ticket for the show, which was sold out for the first time, I think: $25.
• After that, and after I said goodbye to my friend and his friends, I figured that since I was downtown I would use a coupon I got at the Minnesota RollerGirls bout some years ago and get a free dessert.  There were only a few people there that saw me drink milk along with the tiramisu.  With tip it comes out to a very value-laden: $3.
• On Thursday the 8th I thought it was about time to hit up this small corner coffeeshop I drive across on my way to and from work.  It's called the Hill Valley Cafe, and when I went to sit and work on my computer for about an hour I saw that they had weird hours that would shorten the following week.  In particular, they would close at 3 for one half of the work week.  Odd, isn't it?  It's like any other coffeeshop, so I could take it or leave it, but I had a bagel and a mocha, and both were good.  With tip: $8.75.
• Wednesday, January 7 ... after seeing my shrink I decided that my post-shrink dinner would be, for a second time, Baker's Square.  Spent my dinner going through my receipts; productive night.  Noticed that there was a big old woman at the table next to me, sitting and eating by herself and reading a book -- just like me.  Didn't feel weird eating alone that night as I wanted to forestall going home any earlier than I had to because my parents awaited me there.  But I did feel less alone.  Thank you, big old woman.  With tip: $14.
• On Tuesday the 6th, My Last Day Of Freedom, I decided to make a night of it.  I first went to Pizza Luce downtown to cash in another coupon I got from attending an MNRG event for a free appetizer.  With beer and tip it came to: $5.
• I then went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  The coffee was free, so I tipped her a buck.  Finally got a dance from Danielle, first time in a long time.  Last time I asked she flaked out on me and just hung out with her friend.  Total: $25.
• Sunday the 4th ... found a dime, somewhere.  An Infusion of: 10 cents.
• Saturday, January 3 was the best time to hit My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version), where I could see my ATF there, Claudia, before my parents come home and makes things weird for me to see her.  I wish I was more, uh, "present" with her this time around; I could tell that she could tell that I wasn't completely there.  Two reasons for that.  One, the hours got to me and I was tired.  Second, I had eaten a cupcake at Cupcake at the Mall of America before going to the strip club and I think I started getting a bowel movement.  Remembered that this isn't the first time that has happened.  Maybe there's something in the grain of those cupcakes that makes me regular.  Not the worst thing; hadn't been regular for some time up till that point.  Managed to hold it in through ten dances with her, so I hope she was happy with that.  With tips and Corona (cover was free because I bought some ramen to donate): $130.
• Friday the 2nd ... this was the day I went to the ethnic restaurant.  With tip: $12.75.
• Then went to a party out in St. Paul.  My ATF, ***e* was there, and we had some discounted sexytime.  But there were three other girls there that I wouldn't have minded getting them to touch my pee-pee, too.  Was coaxed into getting a dance from the host, *a***, and she groped me a few times.  ***e* speculates that she sucks dick, and I remember a previous party she was at where she asked some of the girls if any of them had lotion.  So I tried texting her after the party to see what she was down for and what price.  I'm trying to talk *a*** down from $200 for "one-on-one," but I haven't heard from her since.  Fingers crossed.  With cover: $55.
• After that I went to Caffetto for apple pie and coffee.  With tip it came to: $6.
• January 1, 2015 ... while hanging out at my friends' house the night before I got this sudden e-mail from the Minneapolis Institute of Arts.  In an article highlighting the museum's 100th anniversary there was a tease that something big would be unveiled New Year's Day.  Well, that came overnight and through the e-mail blast because I'm signed up for their bulletins: The collection of one of MIA's late board members, the founder of Regis Corporation, is up for viewing.  Good enough surprise for me to take it in to start the New Year!  I wasn't blown away by the collection, although there was this one painting that was an homage to the painter's mom, whom he hated.  The caption (ETA at 1:52 a.m. on February 6 that I am reading this post to write down my EWRs for January into my Franklin Quest and, lo and behold, I totally forgot to write down an expense.  I have something I could write here, and I still want to, but some other time -- maybe.  Let's just cut to the chase and say I put in a donation: $1.)
• December 31, 2014: As I sometimes do, after I leave my friends' house I go to White Castle to celebrate the end of one year and the start of the next.  The guy who took my order automatically gave me a medium Coke when I specifically asked for a small one.  I talked to the manager, who gave me the difference in change, which sucked, because I devoted that day to not having any monetary transactions besides a credit card.  But I had to because this fucker tried to screw me over.  Not a good start to 2015.  At least I got my money back, an Infusion of: 30 cents.
• Tuesday, December 30: Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Quick trip, tips only: $4.
• Sunday the 28th was the Vikings' last game.  After work I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) where, to celebrate getting through yet another season of yelling, got a dance from Carissa.  With stage tips and a Sprite: $27.
• Then that night I watched the NFL's last regular season game of the year (Pittsburgh over Cincinnati, even though it should've been Carolina vs. Atlanta because that was a win-or-else game, and it doesn't matter that the Panthers blew out the Falcons) at My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  Lasagna plus tip: $13.50.
• Saturday, December 27: When writing the draft of this blog post I had my lunch at Quizno's down as the 28th.  That can't be right because on the morning of the 28th I was at TCF Bank Stadium.  So it had to be Saturday, OK?  With tip: $9.
• That evening, after watching the bowl game downtown, I went to Caffetto to celebrate with a pecan pie and a mocha.  With tip: $7.50.
• Friday the 26th I hit My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  There I hooked back up with ****a, the stripper who massaged me and gave me happy endings, then ditched me.  I can't resist her big tits, fat ass, and willingness to pull my pee-pee.  She's stripping back here, so I had to get a dance from her.  We reconnected after going back-and-forth about arranging a massage Christmas Night.  She told me she needs a day's notice in advance; I'll try and follow that.  Maybe she likes me after all.  With tips and coffee: $31.
• Assuming I charged everything through Christmas Week, we go all the way back to Sunday the 21st, where I worked out that afternoon.  Admission was: $3.
• That evening I enjoyed watching Saturday Night Football at Old Chicago.  Got late-night Happy Hour prices on pizza and fried spicy pickles.  With beer and tip: $11.25.
• I then stored a new quarter in the cup where I put shiny coinage: 25 cents.
• Saturday, December 20: For a reason I don't remember now, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) twice this day -- once in the afternoon, once in the evening.  In the afternoon I got a dance from ****e*, the woman who whacked me off in her car in the club's parking lot about a year-and-a-half ago.  Gotta get back with her to do that shit again.  With tips and coffee: $31.
• I then went to the Hooters at the Mall of America to watch Penn St. beat unseeded BYU in four sets to win the NCAA women's volleyball championship.  I then went back to the club that evening, but just for tips: $8.
• And then after that I went to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  I ate at Hooters, so I went small here: A small salad and onion rings.  Plus tip it came out to: $8.
• Back to Thursday the 18th, where I got a haircut from Great Clips.  Have the receipt for the cut itself (which was heavily discounted -- thank you, Great Clips) so this EWR is for the tip only: $3.
• Wednesday, December 17 ... I have never been good with wrapping gifts, so these days I just pay someone to do it for me, like I do for a lot of things.  After seeing my psychiatrist I went shopping for my niece (have I told you about my niece?) and got her some socks and a hat.  Then I went to the information department to have it wrapped.  Really well done; glad someone else did it.  And it only cost me: $4.50.
• Tuesday the 16th -- don't remember why, but I think there was food that necessitated me getting a Pepsi from the vending machine at work: 75 cents.
• I also found a penny at work, I think.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• That night I went to see Mockingjay Part 1.  I was deeply conflicted as to whether or not I should see it.  On the one hand (and unfortunately I don't remember the details) I really was bored that night and wanted to go out and see, or do, something.  On the other hand I had real trepidation to see the movie because, while I did see the first installment of the three-book trilogy, The Hunger Games, I missed Catching Fire, the second movie, and I did not know if it would make sense to see a continuation of this storyline if I hadn't seen everything before that.  In fact, before I decided to go the movie, I racked my brain to see if there was any movie franchise where I had not seen each of the installments.  If I didn't, I shouldn't go see Mockingjay I.  Well, I didn't, but I went anyway; I was that bored.  Only after I saw the movie did I think of a franchise: The X-Men Series.  To this day I have not seen the first X-Men movie, but I have seen every one since.  Now, those movies aren't adapted from a book series, nor are they one long but continuous story.  Nevertheless, it technically counts.  However, the fact that The Hunger Games series is one long and continuous story made it very difficult for me to understand MI.  Honestly, I was lost in many parts of it.  In retrospect I should not have seen the movie.  Oh well, at least I got a good price for it since I went on a Tuesday.  Ticket, popcorn and pop comes out to: $9.75.
• Finally, on Sunday, December 14, I used a coupon to get a deal at Quizno's.  With tip: $5.75.

Seeing as though I haven't put out an EWR in over a month, I kind of feel good that I'm not missing anything.  Good through Tuesday, January 20.

Weird Tine With Father Again

All I wanted to do was go home and have some cake. But as soon as I enter last night I see Father trodding upstairs with whole milk. He asks me for a favor downstairs, and all of a sudden I'm talking to him -- actually, he's talking at me -- for 45 goddamn minutes. Does he realize that he's talking to me about his paintings and his real estate properties again? That he's saying these goddamn things to me again? I'm not saying they're not important; I'm saying that I'm tired and I don't think I need to hear information you vomited toward me already, especially information I can't do anything with.

He wore me out. I went to bad after that.