The Best Commercials Of Super Bowl LIII

I need to do this before Super Bowl LIV.

And it may be because it's been almost (literally) a year, but the reason I haven't done this until now is because I don't remember seeing any good ads during Super Bowl LIII.  I need a refresher, so I went to USA Today's Ad Meter, and even though I don't remember a lot of them, most of the ones I do remember I remember as being very meh.

In the past I have ranked the best five.  I struggled with it, but after taking a second look through a few of them, I think I can come up with five:

5) T-Mobile, "What's For Dinner?"



T-Mobile (my carrier, BTW) advertised four different commercials in last year's Super Bowl, each one touting a perk, each one using texting as their bit. I think this is the funniest of the four just because I sometimes have deleted what I was about to text someone. This goes a bit further, elaborating on an internal monologue a boyfriend has over his girlfriend's obsession with sushi. The way she gets into his head, and how it manifests in re-write after re-write, is clever and relatable.

4) The Washington Post, "Democracy Dies In Darkness"



One of many "message" spots you'll see, but in an age where journalism and the very concept of "facts" are questioned and even mocked at (and, by the way, it's starting to come heavy on the left as well as the right), this is an important one, and, with the help of narrator Tom Hanks, a well-crafted one. Quaint may be the notion that you can appeal to a viewer just by reminding that person of what reporting is, but this ad puts it in stark, but real, terms, including the faces of journalists who lost their lives while reporting, because they were reporters. One of the first things I thought when I saw the ad was, "Golly, I didn't know the Washington Post had enough money to spend for a spot in the Super Bowl." But then I remembered that Jeff Bezos owns the Post. And then I thought, "Cool."

3) Amazon Alexa, "Not Everything Makes The Cut"



Another star-studded ad with a bunch of celebrity cameos. But after the previous year, where Alexa lost her voice, they followed up with another funny spot full of sight gags. This time, it was "revealed" that Alexa had been planned to be put in other devices, but they didn't work. Cue Forrest Whitaker (you don't see him in commercials!) trying to listen to a novel through a toothbrush. Or Harrison Ford (neither him!) telling his dog not to order dog food through his collar. Many other people might be wowed by the production values. Regardless, this was a great spot.

2) Bud Light, "Game Of Thrones"



Of all the Super Bowl ads, I don't think I've seen one with such an out-of-nowhere twist. It's the Bud Light Kingdom (a conceit I'm still going with) and the king and queen are sitting down with Bud Light to enjoy a joust. But the Bud Knight gets knocked off his horse ... and then his opponent appears to gouge his eyes out. Wait, I don't remember Super Bowl ads being this gory. And then this huge dragon descends from the sky and sets the whole place on fire and ... is that the theme song to Game of Thrones? And then they advertise the final season of the legendary HBO series. In retrospect, this was part of the show's massive and hoary cash grab; I mean, if this is the end, might as well as much money off of it as you can. (I think that's why I saw Emilia Clarke at so many sports games near the end of GOT's season.) I'm not sure if something as "high brow" as Game Of Thrones" should deign to mingle with something as "low brow" as a domestic many beer snobs liken to urine. (I'm not one of those snobs.) But at the party I was at, we all went, "What the ... ?" as soon as the Knight lost the joust, and then the spot descended into WTF-ville. So both entities should get credit for The Greatest Blindside In Super Bowl Ad History.

1) NFL, "The 100-Year Game"



Make no mistake: The National Football League has become an entertainment enterprise, not just a football business. Its presence outside of the game is quite impressive, as evidenced by this crazy self-promotion touting the 100th season of the league, one that ends tonight. If you're not a football fan, you won't care about all the legends and the NFL's current greats fighting for a golden football during this banquet-turned-football game. But I am, and it was great to see cameo and after cameo, many of them doing the hits, throws, catches and celebration dances they were known for on the gridiron. The ad is crazy nuts, and it's fantastic. Oh, and after just re-watching it, the re-mix in the background is awesome, too.

Oh, And Now A Plant Is Dying

I just noticed this last night.  My Father has a small plant that has peculiar "leaves" coming out of it.  It was in full bloom when my parents left, and I watered it and it seemed fine.  But what I noticed last night was a bunch of shriveled stems.

I actually downloaded an app to identify the plant.  (It doesn't come free; I have to cancel it by next Saturday or else I'll have to pay.)  I think it's a Dunce's Cap.  This app diagnoses problems, and when I took photos of this sickly plant, the app gave me three diagnoses.  The first two: Underwatering and overwatering.  Well, thanks for narrowing it down!

Plants die whenever I have to take care of it.  I don't know what to do.  I water them, every day, according to My Father's instructions.  And like every year, still at least one of the plants dies.  And unless I have the will to find a solution, or a miracle happens, this one will, too.

I ... I don't know.

Can't Sugarcoat It -- Today's Been A Bad Day

The traitors of the Russia Party in the Senate just voted to not hear witnesses.  The vote was 51-49.  Lamar Alexander of Tennessee said no.  I didn't know I should have been upset about his vote until last night, but there you have it.  There was a very small chance the vote could've gone 50-50, thus punting the decision to Chief Justice John Roberts, but Lisa Murkowski let Roberts off the hook by saying no this morning.  Trump will be acquitted scot-free, and then he'll feel the power to do anything he wants.

Oh, and at 5 o'clock Central Time the United Kingdom officially left the European Union.  The racists and the stupid won ... with the help of Russian interference and, I still believe, vote-rigging.  There are a lot of British who are sad, but I have to be honest: I want the EU to punish the UK for this move - tariffs, delays in shipments, making UK visits wait a long time in EU airports, everything.  (There are already deals in place that essentially keep the same rules as they were when the UK was in the EU, which is bullshit even though both sides want a "smooth transition period" [wanking motion].)  They can't get away with this.  Oh, and Scotland and Northern Ireland should throw a tantrum in order to leave England.

Finally, something personal.  I heard just before I left work that a co-worker was fired.  I liked working with her, even though (circling back to politics) she's a MAGAt.  I was told she was canned because of "attendance issues."  What does that mean?  I saw her at work all the time.

So yeah, today's been a bad day, a very bad one.

Is This Something??

Oh, should talk about this.

At work, when we have morning break (which is just an hour after I come in, oy), I usually just go get coffee, then go to the bathroom and read through the Internet while sitting on the toilet.  Sometimes my bowels need an hour to get going.  It's a good system.

Anyway, for the past, uh, week-plus (?), whenever I've been in the toilet trying to take a dump, I have, no joke, felt, just once, as if a drop of water has fallen on the extreme left side of my left thigh.  In fact, I feel like two drops of water fall, on the same two spots of my extreme left thigh.  I feel those spots after I "feel" the drops, but there is no water, and I look up at the ceiling, and there are no leaks coming from above.  Plus, I only "feel" these drops of water during morning break at work, and nowhere else.

I would check for something like that on WebMD, but it'd say it's, like, sign of a fuckin' stroke or something.  I'm just going to brush it off because it only happens at a specific place, but if it's more than that, well, you know where you heard it here first.

Got to go to work.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8).  There isn't a whole hell of a lot to be proud of in Twin Cities sports this week.  But at least give some dap to the University of Minnesota men's hockey team.  After getting humiliated by the U.S.A. U-18 team, they swept Ohio St. at Mariucci last weekend by a combined score of 10-4.  It doesn't help them at all in the PairWise, but hey, I don't know if these guys are going to top the survey the rest of the year.

At Wisconsin this weekend.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -3).  They beat Detroit before the All-Star Break, but right now, according to Dom L. (he has a long last name) at The Athletic, the Mild have a 30% chance of making the playoffs.  In other words, they have no chance.

They're finishing up their "bye week" now, but they'll be back in action for home dates vs. Boston Saturday and Chicago Tuesday.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Marcus Carr hit a Game-winning Three with about three Seconds left to escape Ohio St. with a 62-59 victory Thursday, but then they came back home Sunday afternoon and got slaughtered by Michigan St., 70-52.  But things are looking up, however.  ESPN.com's Joe Lunardi has the U. in the Play-In Game.  They weren't on the board at all before now.  And they can improve their stock with the only Game they'll have this screening week, a road contest against Illinois Thursday.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -5).  I've said all year that this women's college hockey season will, like last season, boil down to Golden Gophers vs. Wisconsin.  I still feel that way, but after getting swept in Madison this past weekend, I think the Badgers, sadly, have an advantage on the U., albeit by half a step.

You see, while the Gophs took a "clean" loss Saturday, 3-0 (ick), they lost just 52 Seconds into the First Overtime of the Friday match, 5-4.  You may remember the two-Game series these two clubs had at Ridder Arena in November.  That second match, on Sunday, Nov. 3, eventually was won by Minnesota, but only after a Shootout.  Once you reach the Second Overtime, both teams earn at least a Point.  So, while the road Badgers were able to nick a Point back in November, the road Gophers came back home Pointless this past weekend.  That makes me believe that in a winner-take-all title Game, Wisconsin is the better team.

Well, back to beating overmatched programs; they host Minnesota-Duluth for two this weekend.

#-5: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1).  Lost at home Sunday night to Ohio St., 22-13.  And these guys were once ranked third overall, what a goddamn joke.  At the Indiana schools this weekend.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  Yeah, the wheels have fallen off this team -- and maybe this program -- this week after blowout losses at home to Wisconsin and in Indiana.  They are now completely off the tourney grid of Charlie Creme's (ESPN.com) Bracketology.  Now they're just trying to cling to the fuckin' WNIT (wanking motion).

This week they're at The Barn for tilts versus Nebraska and Rutgers.

#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7).  OK, so I thought the Mild's loss recently to Florida was The Worst Loss By A Local Sports Team In Recent Memory.  But then on Monday the Timberwolves said, "Hold my overpriced beer."

Since the National Basketball Association began covering such a statistic in the 1996-7 season, a team has never come back to win if that team was down by at least 17 with three Minutes or less left in regulation.  There have been 8,378 occasions, and in none of those occasions has the trailing team come back to win.

But history has never met the Minnesota Timberwolves.  Just watch this fucking bullshit -- because I can't:



I've been aware of the Woofs since its birth, and this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Franchise History. Moreover, even though I wasn't even alive when the Minneapolis Lakers were here, I will say with certainty that this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Minnesota Professional Basketball History. And, it goes without saying, this is, by far, The Worst Choke Job In NBA History.

They were celebrating the life of Kobe Bryant, who died along with his daughter and seven others the day before. (I was at work, listening to the Maryland-Indiana Game on satellite radio. The Terrapins announcer, who has been there for three decades, announced the crash, though not the death of Bryant. But I immediately went online and Googled it; TMZ may have been first with the announcement, but I saw that Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted his death, and that's when I believed it.) If Black Mamba were alive today and saw this shit, I know he would've done this:



The General Manager is in his first year, so I stick with my principle that all first years by GMs or Head Coaches are mulligans. But for fuck's sake, it's not too much to ask that a team, even as putrid as the Timberpuppies, fucking keep a 17-Point lead with three Minutes left. I hate relocation, but right now, if this team were being taken to Seattle, I'd say, take 'em.

They have Games coming up but blah-blah-blah, they've lost ten in a row and they fucking blow.

The Old Car Is At It Again

With my parents gone, I made a point of using the old car from time to time to make sure it goes through its paces and the engine gets used and the impurities in the oil get burned up.  It's not a great car, and it certainly has had its better days.  But ever since the fateful day five years ago when the head gasket blew up, it has driven pretty well.  I'm not aware of any of the problems that would have stressed me into immediately taking it into a shop, but I am believing that the car drives pretty well.

Well, not lately.

I will tell you this: It may have turned a corner (maybe temporarily, maybe not) about a month or so ago.  Besides acceleration issues and the tachometer not working (have I blogged about that?  No matter), the car gets me around town.  (My parents insisted we take this car when I dropped them off at the airport, and I'm still amazed it survived in one piece.)  However, one afternoon after work I was coming home from the bank.  It's afternoon rush, and I need to make a right turn.  After I nose myself to get a better look at oncoming traffic, I see that the car is just far enough away for me to make a run for it.  So I put the pedal down on the car.  Again, it doesn't accelerate well, but everything else about the car was just fine, so I thought I could push it a bit.

Turns out that seems to have been the wrong thing to do.  Ever since that moment the car has not been acting well.  It does get me around, but the performance has taken a sizable hit.  Not only does it not accelerate well, it appears to begin to shake around second or third gear (which is, like 40-50 mph).  And even though it may just be the cold, the shaking has also spread to uneven idling, which also did not happen (or at least did not happen as badly) before.

Oh, and it is still leaking, and possibly more so now.  Last night I started shoveling the few inches of snow we got and that I didn't bother to shovel just after it fell.  There are drops of ... fluid from old car, and so I made sure I parked it on top of snow so 1) the fluid would not seep into the asphalt driveway and 2) I could see what fluid it was based on the color.  I parked the old car (after getting home from exercising) at a different spot so I could see the drips.  And even though it was night, it looks as though the leak is colored red ... which means transmission ... which I kind of tortured when I accelerated fast in order to beat the oncoming traffic after my trip to the bank.

Wonder if I should tell my parents.  In the meantime, I cross my fingers every time I turn the car on.

Just want to note that for the past couple days, my feet have stunk to high hell.  Don't know how it happened, but they do.  I take off my socks and it's like, "Whew!"

Maybe I should wash my feet, or spray fungicide to my shoes.  Nah, probably won't.

Mmm, Sushi With A Side Of Snot!

Last night, for Chinese New Year's Day, I saw late (like, yesterday morning?) that the Minnesota Whitecaps, defending NWHL/Isobel Cup champions and currently second in the league, is hosting the Boston Pride, who not only are leading the NWHL but are perfect on the season at 19-0.  #2 hosting #1, with a Saturday Game at 6 and plenty of tickets available?  I'll make a night of it!

It was a hell of a match.  The 'Caps scored to take the lead only for the Pride to tie it up not once, not twice, but three times, the last of which in the final Minute of regulation.  But on the ensuing faceoff, a Whitecaps player (sorry, I forget her name!) steamed in and fired a shot that got past the Pride Goalie, and, like, seven Seconds after the Boston tying Goal and with less than 50 Seconds left in the Game, Minnesota went back ahead.  And it was a lead they were able to hold on to: 4-3, your final.

You're not supposed to eat meat for New Year's Day, but since I usually have a hot dog at a sporting event, I followed up that hot dog with another one at Kyatchi on the other side of St. Paul.  It came recommended on a recent story in City Pages.  And it was good ... and then, because I was making a night of it, I followed it with pressed sushi, which I decided to get because the restaurant posted a blurb of its City Pages Best Sushi win from last year between its double doors and it came recommended.  Don't know if I should have; it kind of fell apart when I dunked it in the soy sauce, and now I feel really full this morning.

Oh, and I do this thing where I use all the wasabi given to me, even though you're not supposed to, because I was beaten to thinking I can't waste my food.  And so I dunk the pressed sushi, ate it, and immediately my nostrils flared to the point where I was producing snot like the country needed it for war.  And so I blew my nose and put it aside ... and then, when I was ready to eat the, like, fourth of six pieces, I saw that the snot-filled rag I just blew my nose in was resting perfectly on my plate of pressed sushi, right up against two of the three remaining pieces.  I swear I thought I was putting it on an empty plate that was right above this plate, but I didn't.  And right now I can't stop thinking that I ate two pieces of pressed sushi with snot on it.

I blame the wasabi.  I got so delirious and disoriented and I didn't know where I was throwing my tissue.

I'm going to get sick again.

Maybe I Should Just Turn In My Chinese Card

Just realized this this past week.

So I had that early Chinese New Year's dinner at my aunt and uncle's place, right?  Well, as we were leaving, I said "Happy New Year!" to my aunt in Chinese.

Except that I didn't say it.  Turns out, I realized this past week, I wished my aunt, "Merry Christmas!"

So that's why she hesitated just for a nanosecond before wishing me a Happy Chinese New Year.

My cousin and his (Chinese) friend were there, too.  They knew I fucked up.

I might as well just turn in my Chinese card now.

---

Oh, Merry Christmas Happy Lunar New Year, everybody.

So it's Chinese New Year, and because I want to be a faithful Chinese person, last night I stayed up to look up Chinese New Year's traditions so I know what to do.

So, one thing I am doing is wearing red today.  One thing I am not doing is showering tomorrow, Chinese New Year's.  Which sucks, because I planned on exercising on my day off, and now I can't.

Maybe I'll do it today, when is acceptable.  But I plan on going out tonight and staying up (another thing to do for CNY) I don't know if I can do both.  Plus I'll be tired from work, so I don't know if I'll even have the energy to stay up.

So, yeah, being Chinese is effing with my plans right now.