#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). There isn't a whole hell of a lot to be proud of in Twin Cities sports this week. But at least give some dap to the University of Minnesota men's hockey team. After getting humiliated by the U.S.A. U-18 team, they swept Ohio St. at Mariucci last weekend by a combined score of 10-4. It doesn't help them at all in the PairWise, but hey, I don't know if these guys are going to top the survey the rest of the year.
At Wisconsin this weekend.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -3). They beat Detroit before the All-Star Break, but right now, according to Dom L. (he has a long last name) at The Athletic, the Mild have a 30% chance of making the playoffs. In other words, they have no chance.
They're finishing up their "bye week" now, but they'll be back in action for home dates vs. Boston Saturday and Chicago Tuesday.
#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). Marcus Carr hit a Game-winning Three with about three Seconds left to escape Ohio St. with a 62-59 victory Thursday, but then they came back home Sunday afternoon and got slaughtered by Michigan St., 70-52. But things are looking up, however. ESPN.com's Joe Lunardi has the U. in the Play-In Game. They weren't on the board at all before now. And they can improve their stock with the only Game they'll have this screening week, a road contest against Illinois Thursday.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -5). I've said all year that this women's college hockey season will, like last season, boil down to Golden Gophers vs. Wisconsin. I still feel that way, but after getting swept in Madison this past weekend, I think the Badgers, sadly, have an advantage on the U., albeit by half a step.
You see, while the Gophs took a "clean" loss Saturday, 3-0 (ick), they lost just 52 Seconds into the First Overtime of the Friday match, 5-4. You may remember the two-Game series these two clubs had at Ridder Arena in November. That second match, on Sunday, Nov. 3, eventually was won by Minnesota, but only after a Shootout. Once you reach the Second Overtime, both teams earn at least a Point. So, while the road Badgers were able to nick a Point back in November, the road Gophers came back home Pointless this past weekend. That makes me believe that in a winner-take-all title Game, Wisconsin is the better team.
Well, back to beating overmatched programs; they host Minnesota-Duluth for two this weekend.
#-5: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1). Lost at home Sunday night to Ohio St., 22-13. And these guys were once ranked third overall, what a goddamn joke. At the Indiana schools this weekend.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4). Yeah, the wheels have fallen off this team -- and maybe this program -- this week after blowout losses at home to Wisconsin and in Indiana. They are now completely off the tourney grid of Charlie Creme's (ESPN.com) Bracketology. Now they're just trying to cling to the fuckin' WNIT (wanking motion).
This week they're at The Barn for tilts versus Nebraska and Rutgers.
#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). OK, so I thought the Mild's loss recently to Florida was The Worst Loss By A Local Sports Team In Recent Memory. But then on Monday the Timberwolves said, "Hold my overpriced beer."
Since the National Basketball Association began covering such a statistic in the 1996-7 season, a team has never come back to win if that team was down by at least 17 with three Minutes or less left in regulation. There have been 8,378 occasions, and in none of those occasions has the trailing team come back to win.
But history has never met the Minnesota Timberwolves. Just watch this fucking bullshit -- because I can't:
I've been aware of the Woofs since its birth, and this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Franchise History. Moreover, even though I wasn't even alive when the Minneapolis Lakers were here, I will say with certainty that this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Minnesota Professional Basketball History. And, it goes without saying, this is, by far, The Worst Choke Job In NBA History.
They were celebrating the life of Kobe Bryant, who died along with his daughter and seven others the day before. (I was at work, listening to the Maryland-Indiana Game on satellite radio. The Terrapins announcer, who has been there for three decades, announced the crash, though not the death of Bryant. But I immediately went online and Googled it; TMZ may have been first with the announcement, but I saw that Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted his death, and that's when I believed it.) If Black Mamba were alive today and saw this shit, I know he would've done this:
The General Manager is in his first year, so I stick with my principle that all first years by GMs or Head Coaches are mulligans. But for fuck's sake, it's not too much to ask that a team, even as putrid as the Timberpuppies, fucking keep a 17-Point lead with three Minutes left. I hate relocation, but right now, if this team were being taken to Seattle, I'd say, take 'em.
They have Games coming up but blah-blah-blah, they've lost ten in a row and they fucking blow.
At Wisconsin this weekend.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -3). They beat Detroit before the All-Star Break, but right now, according to Dom L. (he has a long last name) at The Athletic, the Mild have a 30% chance of making the playoffs. In other words, they have no chance.
They're finishing up their "bye week" now, but they'll be back in action for home dates vs. Boston Saturday and Chicago Tuesday.
#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). Marcus Carr hit a Game-winning Three with about three Seconds left to escape Ohio St. with a 62-59 victory Thursday, but then they came back home Sunday afternoon and got slaughtered by Michigan St., 70-52. But things are looking up, however. ESPN.com's Joe Lunardi has the U. in the Play-In Game. They weren't on the board at all before now. And they can improve their stock with the only Game they'll have this screening week, a road contest against Illinois Thursday.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -5). I've said all year that this women's college hockey season will, like last season, boil down to Golden Gophers vs. Wisconsin. I still feel that way, but after getting swept in Madison this past weekend, I think the Badgers, sadly, have an advantage on the U., albeit by half a step.
You see, while the Gophs took a "clean" loss Saturday, 3-0 (ick), they lost just 52 Seconds into the First Overtime of the Friday match, 5-4. You may remember the two-Game series these two clubs had at Ridder Arena in November. That second match, on Sunday, Nov. 3, eventually was won by Minnesota, but only after a Shootout. Once you reach the Second Overtime, both teams earn at least a Point. So, while the road Badgers were able to nick a Point back in November, the road Gophers came back home Pointless this past weekend. That makes me believe that in a winner-take-all title Game, Wisconsin is the better team.
Well, back to beating overmatched programs; they host Minnesota-Duluth for two this weekend.
#-5: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1). Lost at home Sunday night to Ohio St., 22-13. And these guys were once ranked third overall, what a goddamn joke. At the Indiana schools this weekend.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4). Yeah, the wheels have fallen off this team -- and maybe this program -- this week after blowout losses at home to Wisconsin and in Indiana. They are now completely off the tourney grid of Charlie Creme's (ESPN.com) Bracketology. Now they're just trying to cling to the fuckin' WNIT (wanking motion).
This week they're at The Barn for tilts versus Nebraska and Rutgers.
#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). OK, so I thought the Mild's loss recently to Florida was The Worst Loss By A Local Sports Team In Recent Memory. But then on Monday the Timberwolves said, "Hold my overpriced beer."
Since the National Basketball Association began covering such a statistic in the 1996-7 season, a team has never come back to win if that team was down by at least 17 with three Minutes or less left in regulation. There have been 8,378 occasions, and in none of those occasions has the trailing team come back to win.
But history has never met the Minnesota Timberwolves. Just watch this fucking bullshit -- because I can't:
I've been aware of the Woofs since its birth, and this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Franchise History. Moreover, even though I wasn't even alive when the Minneapolis Lakers were here, I will say with certainty that this is, by far, The Worst Loss In Minnesota Professional Basketball History. And, it goes without saying, this is, by far, The Worst Choke Job In NBA History.
They were celebrating the life of Kobe Bryant, who died along with his daughter and seven others the day before. (I was at work, listening to the Maryland-Indiana Game on satellite radio. The Terrapins announcer, who has been there for three decades, announced the crash, though not the death of Bryant. But I immediately went online and Googled it; TMZ may have been first with the announcement, but I saw that Adrian Wojnarowski tweeted his death, and that's when I believed it.) If Black Mamba were alive today and saw this shit, I know he would've done this:
The General Manager is in his first year, so I stick with my principle that all first years by GMs or Head Coaches are mulligans. But for fuck's sake, it's not too much to ask that a team, even as putrid as the Timberpuppies, fucking keep a 17-Point lead with three Minutes left. I hate relocation, but right now, if this team were being taken to Seattle, I'd say, take 'em.
They have Games coming up but blah-blah-blah, they've lost ten in a row and they fucking blow.
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