I had to leave to dump the leaves in the country compost pile, then get a haircut for an interview today and some lancets for her diabetes testing. As customary, Grandmother called me and asked if I was coming home to eat that night. I don't think we had that talk, so this wasn't a case of me telling her once and then needing to tell her again. I said I will, at about 5:30.
About 15 minutes later I hear my cell vibrate again. Oh no, did Grandmother forget? It was Grandmother alright, but this was a very different-sounding Grandmother, a mad and yelling one. Speaking in Chinese, I think she said something to the effect of, "You son-of-a-bitch, why did you leave when I was walking out the door?! I knew I saw you!"
"Grandmother?"
"I need you go to pick me up and get pork chops and vegetables. I saw you and now I don't see you?" And she hung up.
It's hard not to take it personal. I really wanted to drive back immediately and confront her. But this may be what they call "sundowning," where someone starts to behave erratically come nighttime. It's really shitty that this seems to be worsening the day Daylight Saving Time ended. Or, it's been there for some time and it took Sunday for it, in a way, come into the light.
In the end I decided to wait for the lancets. I wanted to go to the mall real quick, but with Grandmother being bratty I decided I did have to come back around 5:30. When I came into her room I asked her about the call. She did say she called -- the first one, about when I was coming home.
"No, the second one. You were yelling at me for not taking you to the grocery store."
She hesitated for a second. "Oh, that one? Oh, I did ask you if you could take me to the store."
"No, you were yelling at me. Why?"
"I wasn't yelling at you!" Grandmother said, and she then proceeded to defend herself with very animated body language -- waving her arms in a dismissive motion, asking accusatory questions ("Why would I do something like that?") and talking way beyond what my query required. It was as if she was trying to hide the fact that she realized she called the wrong person, or worse, called for no reason.
I need to see the best in her. I want to think that she just remembered and that, indeed, she was only asking me to take her to the grocery store. That's the problem with a second language; I don't always understand the words and the nuances, so I could be wrong. But I swear she was yelling at me for doing something I didn't do.
We left it there. But, as is her wont these days, she walked over to my room eight more times last night asking me different things. At least they weren't the same thing, but one time she said we needed to get pork chops and vegetables tomorrow, when I've told her repeatedly that's not necessary because my parents won't eat anything she buys anymore.
But it's back to reality. Eight times??? She didn't do that over the summer, let alone six months ago, let alone a year ago.
Another time she walked over and asked me where her money was. How in the fuck was I supposed to know? We go over to her bedroom and look all around her bed before she realized she had it in her pajama pants. That's when I showed her the pile of cleaned and dried laundry that I brought up from downstairs. One of her Walks To My Bedroom she wanted me to buy her underwear tomorrow because she thought she hung them out to dry in the deck and the wind just took it away. I showed her her undergarments and threw them on the bed, one by one. She just laughed: "I thought I took them outside!"
And one other time she didn't want anything from me; she wanted to relay a story from yesterday afternoon about her best friend forgetting something and also finding it in her purse or somewhere obvious. I had never seen Grandmother that jovial in a long time. Which is great ... or is a sign of mood swings.
Forgetting where to put the recycling bins ... asking me again and again if I'm coming home to eat or not ... all the walks back and forth to my bedroom ... buying food for the family that they haven't eaten in years ... forgetting to turn off the sink and toaster oven (Father said she's left two things to burn in there this weekend) ... I really wish it weren't so. And maybe it has something to do with her cholesterol, or maybe she's having a really slow stroke. Or, this is the beginning of something bad and painful.
I need to call the doctor and case manager. I hope I'm wrong about this, but at the very least I need to find out, and prepare for the worst.
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