Wow, this guy, who technically works above me, seemed to be a mild-mannered guy, if overworked. And all I did, because I thought this was something that needed to be done now, was interrupt him during lunch Friday. And he basically fucking lost it. How was I supposed to know he was there since 6:30? After he got done with eating he came over. I thought he was going to let it slide, but instead he in fact doubled down on yelling at me. Some shit about Human Resources I don't understand. He accepted my apology except that he didn't. All because I asked him for his help during his lunch time.
This blindsided the shit out of me. I still can't fucking believe that happened. To be charitable, however, I have been where he was. If he has been working all day, I can empathize with being tired and constantly bothered. I have gone off when somebody said or did something that I didn't like, or said it with a tone that I found disrespectful. Hell, I grabbed a girl's wrist when I lost my temper. So this might be a case where a guy with a long day and thus a short fuse took what I said the wrong way. That can describe me. Therefore, maybe I need to limit pitying myself. And maybe I shouldn't have used words to the effect of, "You need to help me now."
Yet I still have to worry about how we're going to interact after this, because we will have to. He doesn't seem to be the talkative type, so I don't know if he's going to be one to forgive and forget. I need to say hi to him the first time we pass by each other to gauge his temperature. He could give me the cold shoulder, which means this could be a rocky season. Shit, I tried to say goodbye to him on my way out and he so did not want to be bothered he was listening to his iPhone, first time I ever saw that. Man, this could suck.
The one big thing I'm focusing on is what he said the second time he yelled at me. He said that his bosses can grab him during lunch, but no one else can. To me, that makes me think that he is referring to the company's organizational structure. In other words, he was not going to be bossed around by someone beneath him. Again, I understand that, and I'm sure I have pulled shit like that when I was mad. But right now I have to deal with being an underling, and again, I'm not sure if he's not going to lord this power dynamic over me. Also, if he got angry over my tone, will he wait until he deems that I am sufficiently contrite? If so, he's going to be waiting a fucking long time, because I have a job to do. That's why I marched into the break room.
Fuck this guy. Why do I let him into my brain? Why do I have to fucking blog about assholes like him?
---
I will say this: Although I had this cringing feeling come over me when he came after me the second time, like all the times I was a child and my parents yelled at me to the point where I cried, I am not close to tears. Partially that's because I'm an adult, partially that's because I have done to other people what he did to me. But partially it's also because I need to see if the other shoe is going to drop.
My best friend is in town. I did not tell him about this until after I told him about the alumni club watch party tonight (Saturday night), specifically that key members might be pissed at me. He told me he has never heard me this stressed. I don't think this is stress -- the real bad shit hasn't happened yet. So right now I am not stressed. More like confused. There is a lot of uncertainty of what could happen to me, and yet none of that is under my control at this point. If it all goes sideways, then I have to face the very, very bad consequences of it, and then I would be stressed.
---
So my actual boss (or at least one of the two) stressed me out for one day a couple weeks ago, but otherwise he's been pretty easygoing (whenever he's not been buried in work and didn't say hi to me). Didn't hear it from me, but I heard that my former boss, the guy who got fired at the tail end of last season, hated this guy. And the girl whose wrist I grabbed in anger last season didn't like him either, at least according to another of my co-workers, who also happened to be her boyfriend, at least at the time. They found him to be kind of a dick, and the phrase "piss-poor planning" came up more than once.
But this weird episode where the guy went postal on me illustrates his positive traits, hopefully something that I really, really hope will remain consistent throughout the project. I was hanging out with him for a chunk of Friday and he was trying to joke with me. I was having none of it, mostly because I had other duties to do for my other boss. But what we were doing was something that was delayed for a long time, as well as something that is very, very important that could not be fucked up. If he can still provide some levity despite all of that, well, that's grace under pressure. So maybe he's kind of a slob when it comes to work. Maybe he could have gotten this shit done if he straightened up and flew right. But right now, I would rather have a guy like him, someone who doesn't have his act together but will at least have some perspective on stress and his workload, than a guy who gets the job done but will snap under the weight of the day.
---
Still don't know what's gonna happen come Tuesday.
No comments:
Post a Comment