I thought I was good in resisting temptation by not going for a Coke at halftime of tonight's (very late-starting) women's basketball tournament game.  My reasoning, such as it is: Nebraska had a five-point lead, but it seemed like they were starting to pull away, and I would only buy a drink if the game was close.  Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me.

Neither does eating afterward.  I had a choice once I got back to my car: Go straight back home in time for the musical guest on Letterman or go to my favorite late-night spot to watch SportsCenter and see highlights of the game I watched in person.  Went back and forth for various odd reasons:

• First of all, I'm paranoid enough to think that My Fucking Father, still pissed at me for lying to him last night, would get back at me by throwing all my stuff into his minivan while I'm away.  So that means I need to go home as soon as the game's over so I can check and see if he did  But ... I doubt he'll do that, and besides, if he did, it doesn't matter what time it is, I can check the minivan whether it's 1 or 11.  If he really wants to be sadistic, he'll take it while I'm asleep in the morning.
• I could fully commit to my frugality and my fasting by going straight home ... but it's OK, because I won't be having lunch tomorrow, so I won't be full in the morning ... but I ate dinner about 4 1/2 hours ago, and had an iced mocha (mmm...) three hours before that -- aren't I already full?
• Finally, isn't there a chance that the game won't be on when I'm there?  I mean, although ESPN exclusively covers all the games, wouldn't the highlights show start off with something different?  Is it possible that they'd even bury the tournament till the back segment?  I don't plan on being there all night waiting for it?  And what happens if someone's already there and watching something else?

The deciding factor, I think, was that I just didn't want to go home, not just yet.  I've been sitting at home the past two days, being a good boy, staying quiet and not spending money.  I had to break out, I just had to.  And so, even though I really can't afford it and I wasn't that hungry, I decided to go eat a late-night snack.

I made sure I ate something cheap, so burger and fries for me, please.  Unfortunately, it looked like I fell into the beginning of ESPN's nightly college basketball show.  For men.  And then they went into SportsCenter, where the only women's basketball-related story they reported on was, of course, UConn.  I had been there an hour and it was getting late, so I decided not to stick around.

Why would I think there'd be highlights?  Nebraska won by 13 and it wasn't that dazzling.  Besides, I could see the highlights at home.  Plus I'd be home at a decent time and maybe that would score points with My Fucking Father.  Now I've gained more calories and wasted $6.50 on food I didn't need (although it was good), and I didn't even get to watch what I went to the restaurant to watch.

I can't afford this.  Why am I doing this to myself???

Fuck me, and fuck my life.