#-1: Swarm (Two Weeks Ago: -1). A home-and-home sweep of Colorado have put the local lacrosse team back at .500 after a 1-3 start. They have won three in a row. And most importantly, they go back-to-back on the WMNSS! Their home win of the Mammoth was by a franchise record 10 points. And in the following week's road win, they came back from a 12-11 deficit with two minutes left to go to score the tying and winning goals. Sadly, they play in the much stronger Western Conference and holding on to the fourth playoff spot. They are off for the week -- which means they won't be on top here three times in a row.
#-2: Wrestling (Two Weeks Ago: -5). One game, a victory over Penn St., but the Nittany Lions were 10th in the country, and the Gophers maintained their grip on 5th in the polls. They finish conference play 7-1, but they still are firmly second behind behemoth Iowa for this week's Big Ten Tournament.
#-3: Wild (Two Weeks Ago: -3). The Olympic Break meant the team just got back into the swing of things this week. Good for them; they've only played one game this time period, and it's a 4-0 ass-kicking of the Bastard Atlanta Flames (on the road!) and their shellshocked Goalie, Mikka Kipprusoff, who was made Team USA's bitch in Vancouver. They're still on the outside of the playoff picture, however. In the NHL you're never really out of it, and the Wild are currently about five points away from the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. But there are about four teams standing between them and it, and so the club will have to go through a monster run to surge past the records of all the other teams to claim it. Doubt it'll happen ... and that may be why they traded away Eric Belanger to Washington for a second-round draft pick.
I was looking at the rest of the Wild's schedule while taking a piss. Did you know that for the month of March all the games they play on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday are home games and all the games on Thursday, Friday and Saturday are on the road? The X is very busy hosting high school sports tournaments (though they also have a men's college hockey regional this year, too). They visit Edmonton and Detroit between home games versus the Flames and Florida this week.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: -4). Are they turning their season around? They lost at Ridder to Wisconsin, but since them have ripped off three in a row, culminating in a triple-overtime victory against MSU-Mankato to complete a sweep in the first round of the WCHA Tournament. Unfortunately, that 0-4-1 spell a month ago means that they host the Final Faceoff this week only as the second seed; UMD is first. What happens if they lose to the Bulldogs in the final Sunday afternoon? They'll make the NCAA, they just won't win. Oh, by the way, Defenseman Anne Schleper was named conference Defensive Player Of The Year. Think she'll be able to stop Ohio St. all by herself Saturday?
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: -8). Their 3-1 last four is a minor uptick in their season, an equivalent to a dead-cat bounce. Sure, they swept eighth-ranked Colorado College and beat #11 UMD 3-2 last Friday in Duluth. But they then seemingly exhausted themselves in the rematch Saturday, losing 3-0. They finish Big Ten play hosting Wisconsin for two. However, only the second game will be played in Mariucci, and it's being contested Sunday afternoon instead of its usual time of Saturday night. Why? From what I've heard, Mariucci officials mistakenly booked a synchronized skating (no, not pairs skating, and no, not synchronized swimming ... synchronized skating) this weekend without knowing or remembering that the Gophs were scheduled there. I'm guessing the hockey team decided they could move because they wanted to see if they could bring in more people for a game at the larger Target Center, where they'll be playing tonight (Friday night). I'm also guessing that the crowd will be at least half Badger fans. Just a hunch.
#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -2). A frustrating 2-2 stretch that should leave them out of the Big Dance this year. The blew out Indiana at home, which they had to do. But then they sqandered a prime chance at a statement win, pissing away the lead in the clutch and losing at the Barn to Purdue by a point when their best player, Robbie Hummel, twisted his ankle in the middle of the game. Losing that game provided the juice they needed to start off face and hold off Illinois by two in their statement win ... which suddenly wasn't after their 28-point pooch-screwing at Michigan, giving the Wolverines the season sweep. This is like the NIT-bound Gophers I grew up with. They finish conference play hosting Iowa Sunday evening, then playing a first-round game in the Big Ten Tournament Thursday.
#-7: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!). The Gopher Nine are back! And they're as schizophrenic as ever!! Coach John Anderson is stressing that the club is young, and they are, but I still can't get over a sweep at the hands of three Big East teams. C'mon, the Big East! They're just as overmatched like a mid-major in baseball as we are! But St. John's, UConn and Louisville all defeated the Gophers in the Big East/Big Ten Challenge in Florida last weekend (though, to be completely fair, all but the loss to the Huskies were by 5-4 margins). And with their 13-6 loss to Wisconsin-Milwaukee Wednesday, their losing streak is four, and memories of winning two out of three against Akron to start the season now feels like a figment of your imagination. This weekend marks the return of the Dairy Queen Classic. I was hoping to see the Gophers take on Oklahoma St. Saturday night (I love it when I see college teams and their fans playing games and meets on the campus at the U.), but I'll settle for wins against the Cowboys, Loyola Marymount and Northwestern -- hey, what's a Big Ten school doing here???
#-8: Timberwolves (Two Weeks Ago: -7). Oh, sure, Al Jefferson's DWI wasn't the smartest thing to do. Neither is Corey Brewer "accidentally" hitting and breaking the jaw of Jet Terry, the guard for Dallas. I'd give both of them brakes because, well, they play for the Woofie Dogs. They finished a brutal 1-6 stretch, their only win a thriller coming against Miami, by three, at Miami. This team has officially hit the mental snooze button. By the way, does anyone think Brian Cardinal can still play some good minutes? And how will Wolves fans react to Jefferson when he comes back from his suspension? They play four in a row, three of them at home this week: Houston (without Jefferson), Dallas and Denver. Make it 1-9.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -6). Though their won-lost record won't indicate this, the Gophs are now in last place in the Big Ten for the first time since the Dark Days of Cheryl Littlejohn. A nine-point win at Indiana doesn't eliminate the stench coming from their three-game losing streak: A non-competitive effort at home against Michigan, a 20-point shellacking against Michigan St., and a first-round defeat in the Big Ten Tournament last (Thursday) night to Penn St., a squad they swept during the regular season. That they lost to those same Nittany Lions by 11 points (11!) in a tournament game makes you wonder how much of the blame can be attributed to the competence of the coach or the lethargy of the players. That's it -- season's over. With their 13-17 record, they will not be playing in a postseason for the first time since Littlejohn's last year, 2000-1. Wow, we very well could be settling back down to the bottom of the barrel.
I say hire Lindsay Whalen as new Head Coach. At this point it couldn't hurt.
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