I am still keeping up with the charade that I need Mother to pack me a lunch for work. If I completely drop that, the parents would think I'm hiding something, namely that I really am not working right now. That would open up a whole can of shit that I wouldn't be able to pack back in. Still, I can't just eat a box lunch every single day -- especially since these days she makes this special vegetarian shit meal that's supposed to be a staple for us Buddhists. I'd kill myself if I had to eat the all day. So I have just said yes some days and no on other days; Mother has not been suspicious. Besides, I should look on the bright side: For a guy who doesn't have a whole lot of money, maybe I should be grateful I have free food to eat.
I have nowhere to go with this food, so what I usually do is wake up, eat the lunch that's supposed to be for work, then take the bag and scraps with me when I leave for the afternoon. When I come back for dinner I bring the bag in with me. They're none the wiser.
But I keep forgetting that I keep forgetting. When I got done with the lunch today (Buddhist vegetarian crap included), I told myself don't forget the bag, don't forget the bag. So I throw the bones from the short ribs back in the plastic container, put the container in the bag, and put the plastic chopsticks we use at home (Mother didn't pack in disposable ones) on top. I then made a point to put the bag somewhat close to the door (instead of, say, on the dining room table where I ate, which is on the opposite end of the stairs) so that, as I invariably dash out of the house, I'll see the bag and take it with me.
Y'all can tell I didn't, right? I started remembering me forgetting about this particular plan when I went to the coffeeshop at the mall closest to me. And once I was done, I opened up the trunk, not only to throw in my laptop but to check and see if the bag was there. It wasn't. Of course I left it in the house. Fuck. Me.
I could imagine the scene once I came home. They would go, "What's with the bag? Why did you leave it here before you went to work? And did you already eat it? Say ... you're not working, are you?!?!?!" I could try and bluff and say that I was so hungry I just decided to eat right then and there, but then they'd ask why I just didn't wash the container and chopsticks and instead threw them in the bag. Then I'd stutter and then they'd really find out the truth.
But by the time I knew I had forgotten, it was past 5. They were already home. I might as well get my poker face ready; in the meantime, I'd just go to Target to get some milk and juice like I planned.
What to my surprise did I (not) see once I got home from Target? No minivan! They weren't home!! Hallelujah!!! So I just strolled in and, just to make sure, acted like I brought in my lunch bag first before going back out and getting my laptop. And the 'Rents did not come home immediately after me; it was about half an hour, so I in fact had time to wash the container and chopsticks, and put everything back. And they're still none the wiser.
Well, at least until I forget again and get caught.
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