Sorry to keep obsessing over my brokedown car, but I can't help but write about my ticket to freedom until at least Tuesday, when I finally get to bring it in.
After its worst day, Wednesday, I was scared as hell to feel what it had in store for me. So, baby steps; all I wanted to do was go to the local Kinko's to make a resume, then dink around the library all afternoon. If it breaks down doing just that, I could go home or bring it to the mechanic around the corner.
I gird myself by "topping off" the oil and transmission. And I hold my breath as I turn the ignition ... and the car starts up fine. OK, another breath as I shift the car into reverse ... and it eases down just fine. And then I drive down the street, heart jumping as it gets fast enough to switch gears ... and it switches gears just fine. There were no loud gurgling or sizzling noises, no "second fan" sound. In fact, even though it was a very short drive to the closest mall and library, it drove perfectly. And I didn't see the car leak even a drop of oil. My car is back!
Nevertheless I have to take the opportunity of having the parents' minivan to bring my vehicle in. I still don't trust the mechanic around the corner, even though he's convenient, because I don't think he understands my concern of refilling the power steering and coolant overflow tanks every third day after I brought it into him to change the timing belt. (Have to say that after suffering near death on Wednesday, that is a concern I set on the backburner.) So, because the car seemed to be going well today, I thought I would at least call this place in Uptown that specializes in imports. I have gone to them several times, the last time to change rear brakes early last year. They are so far away that I need to take the bus home, and they usually have taken longer than they said they would, but they do repairs right. I trust them.
So I call them (after calling their towing service, whoops). I tell them that I want to bring my car in for a second opinion. After getting my information from their records and letting them know what the mechanic around the corner thinks it is, he tells me ... oh my God, this is so hard to accept ... that they won't take it because it's not worth fixing.
Why? First of all, the guy I talked to made me aware of something on their website that I kind of looked askance at but then glossed over: That their statement that they take a look at any car 1996 and younger is essentially a mandate. Second, the guy said they would look it over, but from what I told them, the cost to fix it would be ... ahem ... $2,500. He assumed that is what the mechanic around the corner quoted me. He did not; with the caveat that there may be other leaks they haven't seen, I was given $800 to $1,000. My fucking God; about a week ago that amount would make me mad as a wet rooster. Now, compared to the ballpark quote this import specialist gave me, it's chump change.
But that quote, that huge number, is staying with me long after I hung up. And when I did, I looked at the dashboard of my car (I made the call while sitting in it). And I felt myself slowly ... saying goodbye to it. It's like Grandmother and The Store; what I was in, what I was seeing, was being etched into my memory as quickly as possible, and then slowly fading from my sight, as if I needed my car of 19 years to vanish from in front of me or else I will do something strange, like pay $2,500 to keep it around.
And now, the questions. You (meaning me, I'm talking to myself as I often do in times of personal crisis) know, he is an expert. What if he's right? There is no way that the leaks the mechanic around the corner are the only ones. I think he's going to quote me a similar price, and not only can I not afford that, that is more than the car's worth, and I can't justify that no matter how much I love my car, which is a lot. But I don't have another car, and I actually have interviews coming up. For jobs! Fuck, I had one over the phone this morning. So what happens if I can't afford to get this fixed? And if I just say, Fuck it, I'll just take my chances, what happens if I try to go to work and it fucking conks out on me in the middle of the highway?
Shit, for all I know the car will act up again tomorrow. So what if it ran perfectly today? The sounds and the bad shifting came and went. Maybe these problems come in cycles, or they're totally random and unaffected by anything I do. Sure, I'll pour more fluid into that liquid pit, but I have a bar to go to tomorrow and two jobs (actual jobs) on Sunday. I need to make it, and I have no fucking idea how to make sure of it. And if I don't ... $2,500, really?
Fuck my goddamn life.
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