I thought I was ready. I popped the hood open -- for what seems to be the fourth consecutive day -- and dumped some oil in the engine (after washing away the puddle beneath). And for the first time in a long time, and maybe ever, I was proactive in putting in some transmission fluid in my tranny. The loud gurgling noises, the reactive shifting in low gears, and my paranoia finally convinced me to go to a car store and get some fluid, and today, even though I had not properly checked the fluid level, I put in, oh, about a quarter quart. (FYI, BTW: a quart and a liter are just about equal. One of the very rare instances where metric and traditional measurements are the same, kind of like 40 and -40 on the temperature scales.)
I felt like that would keep my car running well and without incident for the day. But as soon as I started up this fucking thing, the huge gurgling noise came back. It was a sucking sound, or a boiling sound, or like a storm was brewing underneath the hood. And as I started accelerating down the road, the goddamn thing had a problem with getting up in gears again. I was having panic attacks again, reliving that time when I was driving to my job downtown, and I was stuck at a light and all of a sudden I felt something stop. And when the light turned green, I put down the gas pedal, and the fucking car wouldn't move. And that is when the transmission busted for the first time. And now I'm thinking that I today, I too would be stopped at a light, and then I would feel that infamous absence of sound, and know that my car is kaput for good.
I had written down plans to shimmy south the two side streets that border my house so I could do the things I want to do -- get money from the ATM, finally buy coolant, pick up a ticket to the Minnesota RollerGirls bout this Saturday, then park early at work at the U. so I can finally "properly" check the level of the transmission. But I was freaking out so much at how my car has turned into this poorly-functioning monster that I knew that my plans for the weekend had to be drastically cut. Can't go to the roller derby bout; that's in St. Paul, and I do not want to be stranded in St. Paul. I also wanted to catch the Gopher women's soccer game Friday night; I think I'll stay home instead. (One thing I am adding to my schedule this weekend: I got picked up for work at the Vikings game. Call time, however, is at 7 a.m. More reason not to go to roller derby and stay out late.) I just made a bee-line for Target, where I got another problem: I was hit in the face with the rank smell of antifreeze. I didn't know I had that much antifreeze in the car. So ... maybe I don't need more antifreeze? No, fuck, I got it anyway.
Bought it, went back to my car, popped the hood, saw nothing that was leaking or breaking, and I finally filled up the coolant overflow tank. And then I took the bottle of tranny fluid I took with me and, even though I hadn't measured and it's possible I might be overfilling it, I poured in another half-quart, just in case the tranny knocking while gear-shifting is telling me that it needed more fluid.
I had no idea if that worked. All I knew at the time was that I fuckin' had to do something. And so, just to make sure, I walked from Target to the AutoZone across the street and two blocks down. No fuckin' way I was going to drive there. The whole time I put my head down and I just walked. I was thinking, except that I wasn't thinking because I had no idea what the fuck to do. How can you analyze something when you the subject is beyond your expertise? That is the worst feeling, knowing you can't find the right answer while knowing that you have to come up with something.
It was at that point that I figured that if the car was still acting up, I would say to hell with my timetable of getting it serviced when my parents are out of town (so I could use their car) and just get it fixed right now. Work this afternoon, work on Sunday, the game Saturday -- fuck it all, this is more important. And when I turned the car on, I heard a sound -- but not the violent, pot-boiling sound before, but another one, one that I actually remember several years ago. It sounded like a bad pump, but I went to the dealership and the guy just chalked it up to the hot weather, even though it wasn't really hot today.
However, after an initial acceleration to fourth gear, the bad shifting was gone. Even after I had to start driving off a four-way stop, the pinging and hesitation was done. And so I hit the intersection, where left means I'm going to work and right means bringing the car in for service.
I needed the MRI work, so I went left. And even though that sucking sound stayed with me the whole drive down there, the bad shifting was gone. I made it to the U. on time, so I finally was able to properly check my transmission fluid level, by parking somewhere level, using the parking brake, shift the car from P to R and all the way down to L and back, and then, without turning off the car, popping the hood and checking the level.
And I will be goddamned, but it says it's full. Three-quarters of fluid and it's full?? The bad shifting has to be because of something else, 'cause it can't be because the transmission is starving for fluid. I wiped the fluid off the dipstick and it was mostly purple -- kind of black, but I think that's alright. It didn't smell burnt. And there are no metallic bits of the gears inside the housing on the dipstick. So what the fuck could it be? I'm growing to throw more tranny fluid in because I'm scared of what would happen if I didn't, even though the check is telling me that I shouldn't. Are my eyes deceiving me??? (Oh, one bad thing -- bigger oil spill than I've seen from my car parked at level ground.)
I took a huge breath after getting back in the car for the ride home. And now I have another fucking problem: I turn the car on and once again it had a very hard time starting. You mean to tell me that the ignition has to be changed now? Goddamn, I just thought the car was leaking all over the place, and now it needs a new transmission and ignition system? I hope I'm just paranoid because this is fucking nuts.
No gurgling sound, instead it had that quieter sucking sound. But again my car threw me for a curve: After a little bit, the sucking sound largely went away. The transmission shifting just fine. In fact, the car ran perfectly on the way home (or at least until I turned the car off on the driveway, and I heard this sizzle underneath the dashboard; this is the same sound that the dealership guy chalked up to the summer heat).
So it's fine. Well, it's not. The worst of this fucking predicament is that I have no goddamn clue whether it's fine, or even if I can run it tomorrow. I have four more days (three if I don't have to use the car Monday) before I can drive it a car shop. I need this car to make it to then. But I don't know if it will -- and I don't know if it's because I waited too long and allowed bad problems to become worse, or because I overreacted and, for example, overfilled and thus destroyed a part of the car. I don't know if the car will be done for good because I did not do something or because I did do something. I have to feel relief at the whims of a machine I love but don't understand. Shit, I could wake up tomorrow and see such a huge oil puddle that I throw up my hands and say, "That's it, I'm taking it across the street, and I don't care."
Honestly, if the problems are piling up on my car, I'm really starting not to care.
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