#-1: Swarm (Re-Entry!). The race to avoid the stigma of missing out on the playoffs is getting serious ... if anybody is paying attention. After taking the week off, the Swarm racked up the highest goal total in franchise history in routing the Philadelphia Wings Friday night at the Xcel Energy Center. They got it rolling in the second half, outscoring Philly 15-6 en route to a 20-11 dicksmack.
They have won their first two games in this three-game homestand after dropping three in a row. Nevertheless they sit only a half-game above Colorado for the fourth and final spot in the Western Division playoff race. Their next-to-last home game of the season comes in the first game of the final of three weekends where they play two games. After hosting Buffalo on Saturday they must travel to Philadelphia for a return date with the Wings ... and play Sunday afternoon? The Swarm are going to play another game a mere 17 hours after finishing their first game, and in a different time zone? That doesn't seem fair. In fact, that seems downright fucking insane.
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3). 3-1 for the week. In a milestone that may or may not have much importance, the program won their last game ever in the edifice known as the Metrodome Wednesday over South Dakota St. 5-1. I'm very sure, however, that the team will set aside a game or a series annually or at least once in a while in the new building that will be constructed on the same site of land. They then won two of three in Michigan to start conference play, splitting a doubleheader that was supposed to be games Saturday and Sunday; no explanation given for the impromptu double-dip. Tom Windle went the distance in in Friday's game, striking out a baker's dozen as the U. beat the Wolverines 3-1. For his troubles Windle earned his second Big Ten Pitcher Of The Week honor of the very young season.
This (Tuesday) afternoon marks/marked a special ceremony for the renovated Siebert Field. I wish I could go, but it starts at a quarter past noon and I'll be working. After going to Brookings, S.D. for the reciprocating end of a home-and-home against the Jackrabbits on Wednesday, the team will host the first-ever series at Siebert v.2.0 this weekend, three afternoon tilts vs. Ohio St. I would go on Friday, but it looks like all games (at least for this season) will start smack dab in the afternoon. Series-beginning Friday games used to start at 6:35. Plus, my car's back to going to shit on me.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). Did you know that there are only nine games left in the regular season?? It's come so quickly that it feels like this was a strike- or lockout-shortened one, until you remember that there was a shortened one the year before, but this one was regular-sized.
They went 2-2 this week. Weirdly enough, their two wins were against good teams, Oklahoma City and Boston. Moreover, both wins came on busy sports nights where the other Twin Cities teams lost. On Friday the Wild lost to The Bastard North Stars while the Gopher men's hockey team was busy getting historically upset by Yale in the first round of the NCAA Tournament (more on that below ... way below), but it was the Woofie Dogs, the underachieving, star-crossed Woofie Dogs, that redeemed MSP with a victory over The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics. And then yesterday (Monday) they defeated the Kevin Garnett- and Rajon Rondo-less Celtics for the first time since 2007, the same evening as both the Mild and the Twinks suffered losses. (All three games yesterday were at home, by the way; this is the time of year where sports seasons are in transition, and I marvel at the comings and goings this time of year.)
Unfortunately in this weeklong homestand they lost the other two games in this particular WMNSS (Tuesday's win victory in Detroit would have counted if I completed last week's survey on time), to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers (for, like, the 290th game in a row) and The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies. I just checked this afternoon that they're 11 1/2 games behind the eighth spot in the Western Conference Playoffs. They will go through one-third of the remaining part of the season this screening week: at Milwaukee Wednesday, then back at home versus Toronto and Detroit Friday and Saturday.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: 0). The team ran into serious headwinds this week. The Bastard North Stars ended the team's seven-game winning streak Friday in Dallas, and they were booed off the ice in last (Monday) night's defeat at home against St. Louis. I can even find fault with their two wins: Wednesday's home way over Phoenix was in overtime, and the one Saturday against the defending Stanley Cup champion Los Angeles Kings came in a shoot out. Both wins were also come-from-behind, which may be a bad thing but may be a good thing. They stand tied for third in the Western Conference with Vancouver. Moreover, they are only seven points out of ninth. How will they react to this hiccup this week -- on the road? At San Jose, L.A. and Columbus.
#-5: Lynx (Re-Entry!). It's a week late, forgive me; Taj McWilliams-Franklin, stalwart Center, two-time WNBA champion (one with the Lynx), Mama Taj, and vanquisher of Father Time (seriously, whenever I got the game program sheet I always looked at the TMF's bio line and marvel that she may be the last basketball player in American professional basketball who is older than me -- she's 42 and she can kick my ass!!!) finally made a decision: She told the Lynx she's retiring to become an Assistant Coach with the New York Liberty. Probably couldn't play forever, and she will be working for Bill Laimbeer, Detroit Pistons Bad Boy, former Assistant Coach with the NBA and won a WNBA title as a player with the Detroit Shock when Laimbeer was Head Coach there. She's earned her retirement and new position.
Now, about the Lynx. ... Mama Taj was the starting Center for the team, and she was a defensive rock, blocking shots, collecting rebounds and altering player drives and offensive gameplans. Who will replace her? The signing of Janel McCarville seems to be even more important now. Jessica Adair, Amber Harris and Devereaux have to step up, too.
#-6: Twins (Re-Entry!). Monday's season opener had a high of 35 degrees when the Twins' Vance Worley threw out the first pitch. But totally, baseball is best outdoors. My Chinaman ass. ...
Oh, and the Twinks picked up right where they left off last year, a 4-2 loss to the Detroit Tigers. Justin Verlander was great, but he only lasted 5+ innings, so the team had a chance. But once again this team will be plagued by two things: offense and pitching. They had men on base in the late innings against the Tigers' still-patchy bullpen, but the young'uns couldn't bring 'em home. A Detroit insurance run was more than enough to put this team in the losing ledger.
What are the hopes of this ballclub? Well, 2011 was the wake-up call, where everybody thought they would win the American League Central Division but injuries and pitching deterioration turned into a shocking last-place finish in only their second year in Target Field. There were faint delusion hopes of a revival last year, but reality set in and fans braced themselves for a second consecutive year of 90+ losses.
The starting rotation sucked, absolutely blew donkey balls last year. So the organization rightly fired every single one of them. To rebuild both the major league starting rotation and the farm system, they traded The Next Great Twins Centerfielder, Denard Span, to Washington and, for extra measure, went through Span's replacement as The Next Next Great Twins Centerfielder, Ben Revere, to Philadelphia to get, amongst others, Worley. Obviously the verdict isn't in after one game, but I think everybody knows it's going to be a long season. And we gave this shit team $360 million for a brand-new stadium so they can compete?!
They resume their series against the Tigers tomorrow (Wednesday), play their first road series in Baltimore for the weekend, then start a three-game set in Kansas City Monday.
#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Inexplicable. Just inexplicable ... and absolutely fucking goddamn inexcusable. Yale?!?!?!
I failed to mention last week that the Goofers were the odds-on favorite to win the NCAA Tournament. Although they were officially the second-overall seed in the 16-team field, putative kings of the hill Quinnipiac are from the ECAC, a notoriously soft and weak hockey conference, and has no tournament history or tradition. The U. was loaded for bear -- talented, winning, and injury-free. But then, goddammit, they had to pull a fucking Holy Cross. I shouldn't be surprised, in two ways. One, the lower seed beating the higher seed happens frequently in the Men's NCAA Hockey Tournament; in fact, a 4-seed has beaten a 1-seed in every tournament since 2006 (although all 1-seeds beat all 4-seeds between 2003 and 2005). Two, this loss wasn't a shock to some, who though the club's 2-0 loss to Colorado College in the WCHA Final Five was a sign that this team was relying on their talent, not hard work.
There are also some who thinks this embarrassing upset is also a sign that Head Coach Don Lucia can't get this team to play when it really counts, that they're regular season warriors but tournament chokes. And it's true that this team hasn't won it all since 2003. But wasn't it just last year that they beat North Dakota to reach the Frozen Four? I think all seasons short of winning a title are failures, but last year proved that Lucia isn't a total loser.
So, in this case I would blame the team, many of whom stopped giving a shit about college and are quickly jumping to the pros. First up: Nate Schmidt, awesome scoring Defenseman, who is now going to play for the Washington Capitals as early as Thursday. Lucia and the U. have a great recruiting class coming in, but they always do. The Goofs always get the best players from in-state; it's just motivating them to play and win for the "M" on the front of their jerseys that's been a problem, never moreso than this year. But to some who think a team with so much promise and success were underachievers, maybe they react to Schmidt leaving the team with, "Don't let the door to Mariucci Arena hit you in the ass on your way out!"
Seriously, how the fuck do you lose 3-2 nine fucking seconds into overtime to an Ivy league school with no scholarship players? How??? They needed to get tips from the Gopher women's team.
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