Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -5).  And this is the week where weather rears its ugly head.  Unlike basketball or hockey, which obviously are played indoors and are thus not subject to weather-related postponements, or football, which not only ignores but, at its best, revels in inclement weather, if it's raining or cold in baseball, they just have to shut the whole goddamn thing down.

For the purposes of the WMNSS I'm torn.  I can't project a win or a loss with the postponements, but the cynic in me says that there has to be an effect somehow -- negative or positive.  I can't punish a team for rainouts (or in this week's cases, snowouts ... FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT WAS SNOWING THIS MORNING!!!  ON APRIL 23!!!  THIS GODDAMN WINTER'S NEVER GOING TO END!!!!!!!!!!), but I really can't reward them either.  Can I?

This week with both local baseball teams was a conundrum like this taken to the infinite power.  They had to delay games not once, not twice, but three times this week.  I don't know if this club has had three rainouts since they moved to Target Field.  That's Minnesota weather for ya -- it blows.

So why are they on top?  Well, the overriding factor were the performances of the other teams in the survey.  But look at what the Twinks did when they were actually able to play.  They went undefeated this screening week, 4-0 while having four days off, including three in a row.  I don't know what specifically is the cause for this sudden surge to above .500 beyond the fact that Joe Mauer has shaken off his hitting slump to begin the season and is hitting like the future Hall-of-Famer always has.  The pitching is solid enough.  I don't know, they're just ... winning.

Right now they're making up the game against Miami that was postponed last night because the snow (SNOW, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!) was coming in.  They could pull off a doubleheader, series and season sweep (even if they are only playing two games against the Marlins).  After having Wednesday off, they host the Texas Rangers for the weekend before starting a series in Detroit Monday.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  The Goofs also missed out on three games this week ... but they were all against the same team.  The weekend series against Michigan St. at Siebert Field was completely cancelled.  I noticed in particular the rolling cancellations through the weekend.  They announced Friday's delay early Friday (I think) because we were socked with half a foot of snow that morning.  I wanted to watch Saturday's game, but even though the snow had stopped falling and was in fact melting that day, the school announced they were cancelling Saturday's game early Saturday morning.  And then some time that afternoon they just called the whole thing off.  They were expecting rain on Sunday, which probably influenced them into allowing the Spartans to go back home early without needing to even play a game.  But I for one think that they could have squeezed in a double-header if they really wanted to.  Then again, who knows, maybe Siebert Field doesn't have an underground warming that softens the entire field like Tarzhay does.

It is the first time the U. has lost an entire Big Ten series since weather and field conditions forced them to lose out on an entire series at Michigan six years ago.  So, the only thing I can base this ranking on ... is their 4-1 defeat of local, non-Division I school Augsburg.  That really shouldn't count, but it is a win, and therefore they too went undefeated this week.  Right?

Tomorrow they host North Dakota St.  It will be above 40, but there is a chance of showers in the afternoon, so they could cancel a fourth straight game.  Let's at least hope they get their series in Iowa in this weekend.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Jim Souhan of Minneapolis' Star Tribune had a column after Sunday's disconsolate 4-1 home loss to The Bastard Atlanta Flames criticizing (I think) fans at the Xcel Energy Center for not being enthusiastic.  I say the Mild need to give the fans a reason to be enthusiastic.

As it stood when the sun rose today, the Wild are tied for seventh place in the Western Conference standings, only two (?) points ahead of Detroit, which is in ninth.  Better to be 7th than 9th.  But after this week's 1-2 record, I don't blame Mild fans for sitting on their hands and waiting for the worst.  We are not a fatalistic lot; we are a realistic one.  And if you've followed the Vikings all these years, or gone through the lost nineties with the Twins, or sleepwalked through the Timberwolves post-KG, or missed professional hockey after the North Stars were stolen from us, or watched the Gopher basketball program go through academic and legal scandals for the past four decades, or tried to watch the Gopher football team resurrect itself from complete irrelevance since the fifties, that realism is deserved.  Why stick your neck out when you know the other shoe's about to drop?  So that doesn't make us passionate like the fans in Boston or New York.  Who gives a rat's ass?  We're smarter than them.

Nevertheless they can sew up a spot with wins tonight at home vs. Los Angeles, Friday at home against Edmonton, or Saturday in Colorado against the West-worst Avalanche.  The last two games are against teams eliminated from the playoffs, so the chances are there.  Plus, last time I checked Minnesota was leading.  The crowd will definitely get rowdy if the team finally fucking shakes its offensive doldrums and wins some damn games.

#-4: Swarm (Last Week: -1).  I thought about going to the Smarm's regular season finale against Colorado Saturday night.  But then I thought about all the gas I would have to expend to get to St. Paul ... then I would have to find a scalper for a ticket ... then I would have to endure the methhead DJ changing songs every five seconds ... and then I would probably see the team lose because that's what I've seen them do most of the time I've gone to their games.  Along with My Father going off on me for dinner that day, I decided to see things negatively, and went all the way down to the Megamall instead (before going to My Favorite Stripclub [Non-Cover Division] for the first time in more than a month).

Good thing too.  In front of their largest crowd of the year, the Smarm rewarded them with a 16-14 loss.  The Mammoth won a playoff spot with the win while the Swarm already sewed one up, but the fact that Colorado broke a 9-all tie by winning the fourth quarter 7-5 obviously doesn't show "grittiness" to me.

Well, at least eight of the nine teams in the National Lacrosse League gets to go to the postseason.  But since there are five teams in the Western Conference in the playoffs but only three in the East, the last playoff berth -- Minnesota -- has to migrate eastward and face the top team in the Eastern Conference, and the top team in NLL, Toronto, Sunday afternoon.  Will the Smarm crash and burn as a one-and-done again?

#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  They did finish the regular season with a 108-95 win at San Antonio, a team that probably rested their players for the postseason but are old and sputtering into the postseason.  That means the Woofie Dogs finished with a 31-51 record -- not as much as the 35 I thought was realistic, but at least it's much better than the 20+ wins they were rubbing up against the past few years.

But unfortunately, even with the season-long injury problems this team went through, this team underachieved.  I think making the playoffs was folly after Kevin Love started the season on the injured list, but according to Owner Glen Taylor and General Manager David Kahn, this was a disappointment.  So, they should blow things up -- starting with Kahn.  Personally, I would give these guys another year, but should I expect the same when they themselves said the same wouldn't be good enough?

There is as much angst and anxiety over this club as there was last year.  They have nothing solid besides Ricky Rubio.  Nikola Pekovic is a restricted free agent.  Besides Brandon Roy, who (sadly) probably has to retire for good, the rest of this (mostly white) roster could stay or go.  And what about Head Coach Rick Adelman?  He could be the best thing this organization has, even better than Rubio.  But he might not stick around if his wife continues to suffer from the seizures that forced him to take a leave of absence.  The loss of Adelman would be worse than the virtual lost season from Love.  Who knows?

By the way, not for nothing, but the last time I saw my uncle I spent the time at his besides watching the Wolves play Utah.  Just wanted to say that.

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