So I was taking a late shower just now when I heard a beep. You know, it's one of those intermittent, replace-the-alarm-battery beeps bullshit that seems to happen at an in opportune time, like in the dead of night.
I dealt with this bullshit one winter when both parents were wintering. I had to play the game called "Where Is The Fucking Beep Coming From?" and realized that the sound of one beep (oh yeah, there were two at this time) wasn't coming from the alarm in the hallway but from the one in my sister's room, spaced maybe six feet apart.
I swear that a human can detect where a beep is coming from, but apparently you can't. I thought it was in the upstairs hallway; it wasn't. I dawdled at the top of the stairs; the beep actually was coming from downstairs. So I grab all the batteries I saved up just for this occasion (save for AAA, and I'll be goddamned if I ever come across a situation where I'll need AAA and don't have them) and went downstairs to begin the hunt.
There is a smoke alarm downstairs, stuck to the ceiling, just outside my parents' room. I looked at it while it beeped, and once it did, I ripped it down and replaced the 9V, then put it back in. But goddammit, it kept beeping and beeping.
Turns out that wasn't where the beep was coming from. I swear that as I was looking at this smoke alarm I could hear its beep go from it to my ears ... but it's not, and that's fucking bullshit. So I'm frantically trying to detect where this fucking beep is before its next audio bullet penetrates my eardrum.
I finally realize that, in fact, it was coming from the CO detector, which was plugged into an outlet next to Father's old radio setup. And this time I know it had to be the case because as I heard it beep, the red "ALARM" light lit up. (I'm smart.) So I pull it out in order to change the batteries. But as soon as I unplug it, that intermittent beep turns into a sustained wail that absolutely fucking hurts my ears. I had to plug it back in so I could be ready to deal with it. The second time I pulled it out I turned it around and saw that I needed a goddamn screwdriver to open the cover, so I had to plug it in again, go upstairs and get my Swiss Army Knife. Jesus fucking Christ, all of this over an alarm!
So I pull the CO alarm a third time and I dash into the laundry room because I didn't want to wake my parents. (Oh, and by the way, throughout all of this, neither of my parents came out to see what was going on. Did they not hear the beeps, or my footsteps coming down the stairs, or the wail from the CO alarm? I don't get it.) I get it open and replace the battery and screw the cover back on and plug it back into the outlet ... and 15 Seconds later I hear a beep. I unscrew it and believe I put the 9 Volt in the wrong way, so I try it again, and plug it in again, and it beeps again. Goddammit!!! What the fuck is going on with this fucking thing?! I got tired of the bullshit at this point, plus it's late at night, so I took out the new battery (it actually might be old; I usually don't toss used-up batteries until I can get it tested to make sure it absolutely is out of juice) and left the alarm unplugged on the ottoman.
So the battery I replaced the old one with may be old itself. Maybe, just maybe I didn't plug it back in right (shrug). I didn't really time it, and if the beep is 30 Seconds apart instead of 15, maybe the alarm has to be thrown away. It is 11 Years old, after all. Or maybe I can't understand how this shit works and I'll need Father to help me.
But the beeping is gone. The ringing continues to ring in my ears, but the beeping is gone.
I dealt with this bullshit one winter when both parents were wintering. I had to play the game called "Where Is The Fucking Beep Coming From?" and realized that the sound of one beep (oh yeah, there were two at this time) wasn't coming from the alarm in the hallway but from the one in my sister's room, spaced maybe six feet apart.
I swear that a human can detect where a beep is coming from, but apparently you can't. I thought it was in the upstairs hallway; it wasn't. I dawdled at the top of the stairs; the beep actually was coming from downstairs. So I grab all the batteries I saved up just for this occasion (save for AAA, and I'll be goddamned if I ever come across a situation where I'll need AAA and don't have them) and went downstairs to begin the hunt.
There is a smoke alarm downstairs, stuck to the ceiling, just outside my parents' room. I looked at it while it beeped, and once it did, I ripped it down and replaced the 9V, then put it back in. But goddammit, it kept beeping and beeping.
Turns out that wasn't where the beep was coming from. I swear that as I was looking at this smoke alarm I could hear its beep go from it to my ears ... but it's not, and that's fucking bullshit. So I'm frantically trying to detect where this fucking beep is before its next audio bullet penetrates my eardrum.
I finally realize that, in fact, it was coming from the CO detector, which was plugged into an outlet next to Father's old radio setup. And this time I know it had to be the case because as I heard it beep, the red "ALARM" light lit up. (I'm smart.) So I pull it out in order to change the batteries. But as soon as I unplug it, that intermittent beep turns into a sustained wail that absolutely fucking hurts my ears. I had to plug it back in so I could be ready to deal with it. The second time I pulled it out I turned it around and saw that I needed a goddamn screwdriver to open the cover, so I had to plug it in again, go upstairs and get my Swiss Army Knife. Jesus fucking Christ, all of this over an alarm!
So I pull the CO alarm a third time and I dash into the laundry room because I didn't want to wake my parents. (Oh, and by the way, throughout all of this, neither of my parents came out to see what was going on. Did they not hear the beeps, or my footsteps coming down the stairs, or the wail from the CO alarm? I don't get it.) I get it open and replace the battery and screw the cover back on and plug it back into the outlet ... and 15 Seconds later I hear a beep. I unscrew it and believe I put the 9 Volt in the wrong way, so I try it again, and plug it in again, and it beeps again. Goddammit!!! What the fuck is going on with this fucking thing?! I got tired of the bullshit at this point, plus it's late at night, so I took out the new battery (it actually might be old; I usually don't toss used-up batteries until I can get it tested to make sure it absolutely is out of juice) and left the alarm unplugged on the ottoman.
So the battery I replaced the old one with may be old itself. Maybe, just maybe I didn't plug it back in right (shrug). I didn't really time it, and if the beep is 30 Seconds apart instead of 15, maybe the alarm has to be thrown away. It is 11 Years old, after all. Or maybe I can't understand how this shit works and I'll need Father to help me.
But the beeping is gone. The ringing continues to ring in my ears, but the beeping is gone.
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