Expenses Without Receipt

OK, picking up from where I left this off on the 15th: The reason why I was confused was because I forgot that I was surprised with a Father's Day buffet, treat by my brother and sister-in-law.  I think I planned on working out that evening, but instead I stuffed my face.  I had no time then except to go to the burlesque show at 10:30.  I could be wrong, but it's been so long, I will take this story as complete.

Moving on:

• Saturday the 16th was the last weekend of this web series I was helping out on.  I had to bug out a little before they wrapped to get to the second-ranked Minnesota RollerGirls special summer bout in which they upset the top-ranked team in the region, Chicago -- awesome game, awesome win ... wait a second ... I just went on their website and it says that right after the bout the officials reviewed the score and determined there was an error made in scoring.  The official score: 155-155, a tie.  As of mid-June, the time of this press release, the sanctioning body, the Women's Flat Track Derby Association, is figuring out what to do.  Anyway, I had a Pabst Blue Ribbon after I got there.  With tip: $6.
• After driving around a little bit, I went to an ice cream place in St. Paul.  I wanted to treat myself.  Expensive ice cream, though -- with tip: $5.25.
• After some more driving around, I decided that even though I had to come in real early for the shoot the next day, it's not every day you can celebrate the most significant win in MNRG history (at least what we thought was a win at the time).  So for the first time ever I went to the roller derby association's afterparty in St. Paul.  Had a Surly on special with tip: $4.
• I tried out a new community center because the one I usually go to has summer hours where they are closed on the weekends.  This fitness room has an admission of: $6.
• My Favorite Coffeeshop (Late-Night Division).  Went all-out and got the most expensive drink there, another iced cream coffee concoction.  With tip: $6.25.
• Saturday the 23rd, I went to another community center.  This one was cheaper, but I had to feed a quarter for a locker.  All told: $4.75.
• Ice cream in Uptown, with tip: $4.25.
• Late-night coffee again.  I was one short of filling up my frequent coffee-drinker card.  Usually you had to fill it up, then cash in on your free drink on your next visit.  But this girl, this babe, she punched my card, then allowed me to use it this time around.  Good thing: I went all out on something expensive, either an ice cream drink or an iced mocha.  Thank you, sweetie!  For that I added an extra quarter to a tip amount I usually give when I cash in on a free drink: $1.25.
• Spent Sunday the 24th at the Nomad World Pub enjoying a Euro tournament game.  They don't serve food, but there was a food truck outside that had great fish tacos and Belgian fries.  I wish I remembered the name.  Anyway, with those items, beer and tips: $18.
• I then got my hair cut.  With, you guessed it, tip: $14.
• Monday the 25th: The Dairy Queen at my local mall has a happy hour: Most drinks and shakes are half off from 2 to 4.  Sweet!  Malt for: $2.35.
• I have switched my allegiances for theaters.  My old one, one I had patronized and racked up some frequent movie-watcher points, early this year raised the prices of their tickets.  I think they did the same thing last year.  It wasn't much of a bargain anymore, even if those prices were the cheapest level you can get.  Meanwhile, one theater on the other side of my house, one that I ignored because I once thought it was expensive for matinee screenings, turned into a bargain.  Day showings are only five bucks.  Moreover (either this was new I never paid any attention to it) Tuesdays they sell small popcorn and pop for $1.50 each.  So on Tuesday the 26th I saw Men In Black 3.  Ticket, popcorn and pop for a very reasonable: $8.
• Afterward I treated myself to more DQ.  This time it was at a different place, one that did not have a happy hour deal.  I bought a small hot fudge sundae, something I have traditionally bought and eaten at DQ ever since I was young.  Cost: $2.67.
• Busy day of fun Thursday the 28th.  So I took out some money I earned as Grandmother's PCA.  An infusion of: $76.
• After going into a tube and getting scanned for only an hour, I went downtown to watch more soccer.  Charged all of it.  Then I went across town for this North Stars reunion which started an hour later than they announced.  In the meantime I was thirsty, so I got a Coke from two vending machines.  It was two because I think the first one was sold out.  I don't really know because it didn't scroll the words "SOLD OUT" on hits 90s screen.  And it didn't return one dime, either, that fucking machine.  It was $1.50, so with that stolen dime: $1.60.
• Drove down to Hooters to watch the NBA Draft.  Wish they turned up the sound.  Anyway, with tip: $16.50.
• I then headed to the Turf Club that evening for a concert by Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons.  Goddamn, these guys are good.  I wanted to buy their new record that came out that week, "Old Believers," but I only had a fifty, and my OCD kicked in and I didn't want to break that fifty.  I did spend money on the cover, a beer and tip: $18.
• Friday the 29th ... went to the library to print out some letters Father wanted me to write for him.  The fucking printer still doesn't work.  At least somebody left a nickel in the coin change slot: 15 cents.
• More PCA money to use for the night, an infusion of: $20.
• Went to work out at the place where I had to pay for a locker.  I won't go back there because 1) their locker room was so fucking nasty with all the standing water everywhere; 2) the benches for the lockers were too far away from the lockers, and I had to get off my ass to reach for my shoes and clothes; and 3) there are no TV's there.  How can I work out without the distraction of TV?  Whatever: $4.75.
• Late-night coffee ... and this time it really was coffee, because I was spending too much damn money. With tip: $2.
• Saturday the 30th begins with me taking out more money for spending.  It was only a little bit, though, an infusion of: $8.
• Remember when Father came after me while we were eating pizza downstairs?  (Well, no one did because according to Blogger stats, no one has read it yet.)  Well, this might be an asshole thing to say and do, but I felt he had to pay for humiliating me.  He gave me money to get the pizza, and there was change, and so I kept the change.  What?  He was going to tell me to keep it anyway.  An infusion of: $9.30.
• Worked out at the new place that does not charge for a locker.  It extends till 10 while the other one I'm trying out closes at 9.  They have TV's, but they're on silent (though you have a radio I guess you can tune in and hear it through your headphones).  But it's expensive, though.  In the end, I think I'll just stick to my old place; it's drab and further away from me, but it's the cheapest and I get to listen to a TV full blast.  Admission: $6.
• Deposited that $50 I couldn't bare to part with at the Turf: $50.
• Treated myself to ice cream because this might have been the first day of our fucking heat wave.  With tip: $3.75.
• Caffetto: Coffee with tip: $2.

I should stop because this is already too long.  Caught up, I hope, through the end of June.

Home Improvement?

So the renovation of the house continues in earnest.  It doesn't just stop with redoing Grandmother's bedroom and spackling a new coat of paint over everything; My Father finally got around to doing something he had planned on for over a year and finally removed the kitchen cabinets, the kitchen counter, the sink and the stove last weekend.  What I didn't know was that he would also replace the cabinets, the counter and the sink in the upstairs bathroom, aka my bathroom, as well.

I knew this not because he told me.  No, we don't do the communication thing in this family.  Instead, I was woken up to the sound of unfamiliar voices speaking in unfamiliar tongues outside of my bedroom door, followed by loud banging and, soon, electric saws.  And that's when I came out -- after about, oh, an hour -- to see the kitchen practically laid bare.  If I'm correct, they then went into my bathroom last Sunday and ripped the shit out of that, too.

They started installing some of the new counters last weekend.  The new stove was also put in last Sunday (I think), and the new bathroom counter and sink was put in yesterday.  Unfortunately, they are not done yet.  There is stone to be tiled up around the kitchen still, I guess, and the faucet in the bathroom is not hooked up yet.  Moreover, Father decided to take out the bathroom mirror either Saturday or Friday.

This transition has been a little rough.  Without the kitchen faucet, we cannot clean the dishes the way we used to.  Mother has resorted to using the basin in the laundry room to clean up after dinner, and we all use the fucking bathtub to wash our hands when we're ready to eat.  Without the sink in the bedroom, I have been forced to also use the tub to brush my teeth -- but only sometimes; I find it to be so, uh, primitive that I will go downstairs and use the master bathroom sink to brush my teeth (but again, only sometimes; don't tell my folks, but I don't brush every day!).

The day they took out the bathroom sink (last Saturday?) they turned off the water as well, so I had to go downstairs that night to shower.  Man, what an experience.  A shower stall in and of itself is small.  Moreover, the linoleum tile was either warped or installed (by Father) incorrectly; it bows out, cutting the scarce square footage for me to shower even further.  The lip of the shower was very, very small, and I'm sure water hitting the floor bounced out of the shower stall.  Finally, for some fucking reason the curtain did not stretch from wall to wall.  There was enough of a gap that I had to decide which end I would leave open.  (I finally decided on the end opposite the shower head, to minimize any water coming out through the side.)  Thankfully I only had to do that for one night; Father reconnected the lines the next day.

And that's my main issue with this.  Could the kitchen and bathroom use a new look?  I guess.  I'll be honest: Two of the stove coils weren't working, the kitchen cabinets were well-worn and beat up after a botched polishing job, and the bathroom cabinet was pretty fucking old.  But I could still use them.  Were they rotting and getting eaten up by termites?  No.  See, that's when I would replace those cabinets.  (And by the way, I wouldn't've replaced the stove because I don't cook.)  Don't get me wrong -- what have been installed, some dark apple-wood color ... stuff looks great.  Was it necessary?  It may be the laziness talking, but no.

So why are my parents (actually My Father; I don't know the role Mother has in all of this mess) renovating the kitchen and upstairs bathroom when they really should work on their bathroom, the downstairs bathroom?  The shower could use a major overhaul, if not a complete teardown.  And did I mention that their sink, the one I prefer to use when I brush my teeth, has a handle that spins a complete 360?  I did it once while brushing and I was afraid I made the sink spit out scalding hot water permanently.  (They could take out the toilet too; it has a knack for leaking water.)  It sucks, man.  Plus, why not give themselves a better bathroom?  Forget about me!  But I don't know if gutting the master bath is part of their plans.

I can't wait for this to be over.  Father took out my mirror as well, so I have no idea how I look naked.  One thing has changed: The counter is taller now, which means I can't lift up and rest my foot on the edge of it when I need to trim my toenails.  I was overdue for a trim (toes and fingers), but I had to do it, yes, in the tub.  The light (and that hasn't been taken out yet, though it is as old as the mirror [and I forgot to mention the medicine cabinet that goes with that mirror] and looks very out of place with the modern cabinetry) is behind my back, so I was casting a shadow on the toes that I needed to clip.  I'm pretty sure I did a shitty job.

Oh, I pine for the day I can brush my teeth and clean my cups upstairs!  No living like my parents probably did when they were young kids in China and Vietnam.

Oh, Almost There, Almost Done -- Oh, Goddammit!

They've been renovating the kitchen and upstairs bathroom for the past two weekends now.  With so much commotion with the workers there, last weekend we were ushered downstairs to eat fast food both Saturday and Sunday.  For Sunday night dinner Mother went to some social gathering, leaving My Father, these workers, and me.

For the first time in a long time we got -- well, I ordered and carried out -- pizza.  Damn, I miss pizza.  Anyway, this set up an awkward tableau where My Father and I were hunkered in his computer room to just eat.  Far from ideal as a dining room -- there's a footstool I sat on, My Father sat on his desk chair, and we laid the pizza box on a laundry hamper.

I was afraid with us two just sitting by ourselves, My Fucking Father would try to raise the issue of my future.  As usual, I have no answer.  So all this time, eating slice after slice, I'm just waiting for My Fucking Father to launch into, "So, what's your future like?"  I didn't have a good answer for it, I was just emotionally steeling myself.

So we're just sitting there in silence for most of the conversation.  The only thing we say to each other is who wanted the last piece of pizza.  And so I thought, Maybe I can get through this awkward situation without him fucking coming down on me.  Good times!

He was done while I was scarfing down the last of the pizzas, and so he left.  I let my guard.  But then, just as I was about to get up, he comes back in the room:

"Are you working tomorrow?"

Me, lying: "Yeah, in the afternoon, from noon till 5."

Oh-oh -- this is the opening My Fucking Father usually seeks before launching into me: "Why don't you get a full-time job?"

And this is where I had to choose between bad choices.  I could have just not said anything and looked at him stupid, prompting him to harrumph and leave.  Looking back, that would have been than me, for some fucking reason, trying to add levity to the suddenly heavy atmosphere of the room added by My Fucking Father's comment by piggybacking on his comment with something he usually says: "Or maybe I should go back to school!"

"Tcha!  You talk, you never do," My Fucking Father said, in disgust, as he stomped out of the room.

Well, fuck me.  And fuck him, too. That was humiliating to hear.  Partly because he was right.

I don't care, I just wanted no talking during that dinner.  Not too much to ask.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Ho.  Lee.  Shit.  Holy fucking shit.

I really didn't think the Mild would get both Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  Fuck, I thought there was a less-than-5% chance they'd land Suter and maybe, maybe, a 10% chance on Parise.  And honestly, I'd be OK if neither of them came here.  This organization has been bad for so long they've got a bumper crop of prospects: Mikael Granlund, Charlie Coyle, Jonas Brodin, etc.  The future is bright.

And I guess both Parise and Suter saw that as well and decided to get in front of the rocket before it hits paydirt, if that image makes any sense.  They now get to lead and mold what could be, in an ideal world, a Stanley Cup contender for the next decade.

I think getting to play on a team with such potential was a deciding factor.  What appears to be the main factor for taking their talents to Hidden Beach is that they really, really wanted to play together.  I didn't know they were so close.  That would filter out most of the known contenders: Parise's previous team, New Jersey; Suter's previous team, Nashville; Pittsburgh and Chicago.  The only other team that allegedly had enough cap space to go after both is Detroit, and apparently Parise and Suter thought they were on the downslope.  Well, they are now that they decided to come here!

Let's be honest: They have to reach the playoffs next year.  Injuries could happen like they did last year, but do you know what?  Even I will no longer accept that, even if that's beyond the Wild's control.  Furthermore, for as long as those two free agent acquisitions are in Minnesota, they have to, have to win at least on Stanley Cup.

But in some ways the franchise has already won.  Not since Brett Favre, or maybe even George Mikan, that someone of such stature, let alone two, willingly came here.  What also is different is that the Minnesota Wild, and Minnesota, are now Public Enemy No. 1.  The team is now the Miami Heat of the NHL, even if the comparisons aren't totally parallel.  So what the hell, why not embrace the role of villain?  Because being the center of attention, and a sudden contender for a championship, are two things that this state is not used to.  Let's just see how that feels for, oh, the next 13 years?

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  A second consecutive 4-3 week.  I'm actually surprised that the Twinks won a game against the Texas Rangers on Friday.  Losses to Texas Saturday and Detroit to Thursday hurt.  This team is worst in the American League, and so the outlook on a salary dump is a foregone conclusion.  Francisco Liriano will be the most prominent Twin to be traded, but he shouldn't be the last.

They finish in Texas Sunday night.  They then have the All-Star break (well, not Joe Mauer), and then they have a rare two-day break after the All-Star Game.  They resume play Friday, when they host Oakland for a three-game series.

My Fucking Father's at it again, surprising me with important shit happening mere days from now without giving me more time to plan ahead.  Pisses me off.  Now I'll have to delay an experiment I delayed once before already.  And in the meantime I'll have to spend gas on all the trips I'll have to take over the weekend.  Neither thing I planned on doing, and now I'll have to waste money and spend a lot of palm-greasing capital in order to pull all of this off.

And all of this because My Fucking Father didn't have the decency to tell me this important news sooner.  Goddamn him. ...

Addendum To: Found Out About Me On The Dole?

I just went downstairs, just to get a Sierra Mist.  About to head back up, Mother pops out of the master bedroom, eyes narrowly slit from the light I turned on.

"You're still up?" she asked.  This was 12:30.  I mumbled something about not needing to work in the afternoon.

But I have to wonder: Does she now think I don't work?  Did she suspect as soon as she saw my unemployment mail today?  Goddamn, was just trying to get some pop downstairs mean that I've been caught -- and that, gulp, they're going to throw me out?

I just wanted to get some Sierra Mist. ...

Found Out About Me On The Dole?

I was afraid this was going to happen.  Last Friday I tried to get back on the dole online, but I knew that regulations meant the state would send me something through the mail.  Ideally, I would be able to intercept that mail before my parents got to it.

Well, it came today.  And I saw it because they laid it out for me right where they usually leave the mail for me.  Shit.

Maybe they didn't notice.  Oh, come on, me, of course they noticed.  It says "Unemployment Insurance" right in front of both pieces of mail I got!  Goddamn, how can I be so stupid?

You know, it's possible that they didn't pick up the mail when they got home.  Sometimes -- OK, only a few times ever -- they go inside the house without picking up the mail.  What I could have, should have done was checked the mail before I got home.  Maybe then I could have intercepted it, and they would be none the wiser.

No, they got the mail before I even got home.  So why didn't just fucking stay home?  Because I was too scared to just stay home and wait for the mail because I wouldn't know when the 'Rents would come home.  Then I would have to answer questions of, "Why are you home?  Why don't you just go back to school?"  And then My Fucking Father would tell me to help him with some chores that I don't want to do.  I mean, he's virtually redecorating the fucking house.  Why?  It was fine just as it was.

But now, knowing that they've seen the unemployment mail, I regret that I didn't just come home early.  Now I'll have other questions I have to answer -- "What is this?  Unemployment?  Are you back on unemployment?  I thought you were working!"  And the worst question of all: "Are you lying to us?"

And that's the worst: It's the questions I'm not able to answer.  I know that they noticed the letters, and they will ask -- if not tomorrow, then a few months from now, when I've let my guard down, when I thought I was scot-free.  They'll ask and I'll just blabber on, and then there will be one hell of a fight.

Finally Using The Tablet Given To Me For Christmas

I am writing this right now on an HP Touchpad, given to me by my cool brother and my sweet sister-in-law for Christmas.  Feel kind of bad for not even taking it out of the box until a month ago, but I'm stuck in my ways; I didn't feel the need to use it until the battery on my laptop started making a lot of noise.  I finally used it on the 1st to check my e-mail, and now I'm trying to use it to surf the Internet.

Still adjusting to it.  Will file initial thoughts some other time.

I Said It Before And I'll Say It Again -- Only The Best Goddamn Song Ever

And appropriate for today, Independence Day:



No, it's not a patriotic song by any means.  But it's just the motherfucking awesomest song ever.  I said so two years ago, but then I neglected to embed the song (with an accompanying shot of the cover photo of the album it comes from, Soundgarden's Superunknown).  I will correct that mistake now, just in time.

This is so much better than my previous all-time favorite, "Jingle Bells."

Too Fucking Hot

Whoever likes weather this hot can kiss my ass.  This is not funny, this is not fun, this is goddamn dangerous.

This heat wave started ... when, Friday, or Thursday?  (I can never recall what the weather was like the day before, funny. ...)  Temperatures in the 90's, with humidity reaching the 70's starting on Sunday (although it was pretty much hot as hell on Friday when I went to a fitness center in town).  And it's not going to end any time soon; they're predicting it's going to feel like 100+ from yesterday (Monday) through pretty much Friday.  There's a Heat Advisory that will last till 10 p.m. Thursday.  And for Hennepin and Ramsey counties, make that a Heat Advisory Warning because with so much concrete, it's going to be hot as fuck even at night.  Technically I live in Anoka County, but it's extreme south Anoka county, situated between Hennepin and Ramsey, so I'll just believe this shit applies to us as well.

I know it's been this hot for this long before -- even hotter for longer.  But since we're in this now, this is the hottest it's ever been in the Twin Cities.  And goddamn, I hate this shit.  I will take a -20 degree day with a fucking blizzard over this.  Fuck, it's too hot to even watch bikini babes on the beach.