#-1: Wild (Last Week: -7). The bar remains very low here in Loserville, USA. The Wild go 2-2 and they are still the second-best team in town. It helps to play in the NHL where, in an effort to maintain interest through a long season in a cult sport, you never truly are out of a playoff spot, no matter how hard you try to bow out. Convincing wins against Edmonton and the Islanders are counteracted by an ass-kicking by New Jersey and a bruising loss to the Rangers. They giveth and they taketh away on the roster front, too; just as Marian Gaborik has finally come back to the team (and scored in his traditionally speedy way in the Rangers loss), Mikko Koivu gets injured the same game and is likely out for the rest of the regular season, maybe more. This week they have one game each against the three Candian members of their division: Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver. All three teams have more points than the Wild, and the Oilers are the ones in the last playoff position, currently one point ahead of the Wild.
#-2: Swarm (Last Week: -2). Whatever dude -- a 13-11 loss at Colorado was the only game of the week. The Mammoth had a huge third quarter and the Swarm never could catch up. And that's all the analysis I can provide regarding the local lacrosse team this week. On Saturday they have a huge task: Hosting Calgary, the team leading their division -- and the Swarm by 3.5 games.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). Shit, when will this fuckin' pathetic, damned season end for the Woofie Dogs? Kevin McFail sat all his usual starters last night at Philadelphia, and the Wolves actually played well and had a six-point lead at halftime. They were led by Rodney fucking Carney of all people! He's showing people that he deserves to stick around somewhere in the Association. Anyway, the Timberwolves remembered that they were the Timberwolves and they collapsed like they usually do, and they wind up losing the game by 8. The team finished 0-4 for the week and have now lost 6 in a row.
Now, one quick opinion on the new "Early Bird" promotion, where you can now get season tickets for next year dirt cheap and you can even get them refunded if you get shitcanned from your job this year: I am now convinced that Glen Taylor is a sincere man, though very flawed and loyal to a fault, and realize that I'd rather have a loser owner who remains faithful to the community rather than a carpetbagger who will spend money on a winner but steals the team away to another town. (I'd rather have a loyal and smart winner, but you seem my point.) This isn't a cynical ploy to make money, although he is a businessman. He needs to convince the public to buy tickets to his team, and this plan is not just economical but fair for both sides. My only problem is that he pins the lack of attendance on the recession, when a lot of it has to do with his shitty team. I doubt that there would be sellouts if the Wolves won rather than lost 50 games at this point, but the reality is is that this team stinks and no one is stupid enough to pay good money to watch them stink. I wish he'd be a little more honest about his failures as an owner and delegator to employees that also have failed, i.e. McFail.
Oh yeah, they play three this week: at Cleveland, home versus New Jersey, home versus Dallas.
#-Infinity (tie): Gopher: women's hockey, men's hockey, men's basketball, women's basketball, and wrestling (Last Week, Respectively: -1, -3, -5, -6, -9). Not much I can add beyond what I bitched about last night, except the following:
- Women's hockey Goalie Alyssa Grogan had food poisoning. Get it? It wasn't that she's an overrated netminder; her excuse was she ate bad food.
- Three of the guys on the men's hockey team had the flu. Get it? It's not an excuse, it's an explanation. Ironic, since I've felt sick ever since their season started.
- The women's basketball team's 31-point ass-kicking was their worst loss in NCAA Tournament history. You probably could've assumed that, but it really is a fact.
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