Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I Hate The Dallas Stars And I Hope The Franchise And All Their Fans Rot In Hell, And Any Wild Fans Who Don't Agree Can Go Fuck Themselves

One thing people who are sports fans who want to get to know me is that I hate the Dallas Stars because they were here. I still remember the move like it was yesterday. Still can't quite articulate the pain and anger that damn franchise still strikes in me, but after the theft -- and it was theft -- I concluded two things: 1) for all the talk that it's a business, sports teams create a civic bond with its community because they appeal to the "family experience" in order to make money; and 2) college sports are better because they never move. For now and ever more, I consider that team the Bastard North Stars, or the Team That Was Stolen From Us, or The Team That Should Still Be Here. All of those things are true.

And yet the thing that may upset me the most is that I think I'm the only one this angry about it. I don't feel that Minnesota sports fans, let alone Minnesota Wild fans, care all that much that the history, statistics, championships and retired numbers of the North Stars aren't technically ours. They should be because we're the ones the rooted for them, for fuck's sake. And yet I don't see too many people angry about the North Stars being taken away from us the way Seattle SuperSonics fans do, or even Brooklyn Dodgers fans do (and that was a half-century ago!), or even Cleveland Browns fans do (and they actually kept all the history, statistics, championships and retired numbers, even though the 2nd version of the franchise kind of blows). Is it because hockey fans here are placated with another team that's just like the first? Is it because we Minnesotans are docile pushovers by nature? Either case is terrible and pathetic. Where's our anger? The move doesn't get less wrong as it recedes further into the past.

I say this because the Wild beat the Bastard North Stars tonight. (It was a rare good night for local teams; the Timberwolves and Twins all won, too!) And yet when I read the recaps of the game, none of them, not one article, didn't even slip in the fact that the Wild beat The Team That Was Stolen From Us. I read this and this and this, and none of them made even a mention. It was as if this was another team. WHICH IT ISN'T.

I'm glad we beat those motherfuckers. I'm glad they're doing worse than we are. I hope that entire fucking franchise goes under so we can buy back all the North Stars intellectual property at garage sale prices. But people here want to "move on" and cheer on the Wild because they're our team now. You people don't give a shit about the past? The North Stars are our history, those Dallas sons-of-bitches have it, and you're OK with that because you have shiny new team, a team that's never been good, had one fluky playoff run, won't make the playoff this year (they won't and you know it) and is about to lose the first player they ever drafted? You're gonna ditch the North Stars for all eternity for that?

Why am I the only one who cares about this?

I was going to talk about passing out this evening, but goddammit, the Team That Should Still Be Here always pisses me off like this.

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