Positive Numbers: Minnesota State-Mankato women's basketball (New!). Congratulations to the Mavericks, who beat Franklin Pierce to win the Division II National Championship. It was a very impressive season for the Lady Mavs, which one the first b-ball title in program history. They finished with a record of 32-2, and both losses were in overtime. What may be more impressive is that their coach, Pam Gohl, is technically an interim head coach. The woman she replaced, Lori Fish, got the same job at St. Cloud State. She feels pretty stupid now, huh? Meanwhile, Gohl should get fuckin' paid for what she did, and for getting the Division II Coach Of The Year Award too. Tournament MVP and high scorer of the game was Heather Johnson, with 29 points. Check out her bio: Not a bad looker! Again, congrats for showing the big school in the state how to actually fucking win!
#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0). When a small regional school wins a championsip, you're pretty far down any list regardless. But even record-wise there are the Lady Mavs ... and then there's every other Twin Cities sports team. The Gopher ballers split with Indiana over the weekend; like most series in college baseball, one game (in this case the finale on Sunday) was rained out and cancelled. Much more awful was Wednesday's loss to Northern Iowa at the Metrodome because they pissed away a 6-1 lead in the sixth inning and lost 9-7. And yet somehow they remained ranked at #25 for the third week in a row -- even though they got jumped in the polls by Ohio State -- so that's the reason they rank above all the others in this pile of suckitude. They commence with the home portion of their Big 10 schedule with three against Ohio State -- and since these will also be at the Dome, there will be no rainouts.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1). The only salvation for the Wild apologists: In the NHL, no one's really ever out of the playoff chase. Breathe in, breathe out. Hold onto to that, ass-kissers, because every other Wild fan who actually thinks thinks these guys are done. A 1-2 record is nothing but bad news for a team that needs to climb over three others to just make the playoffs. One of those losses was a not-a-loss overtime loss to Vancouver Tuesday, the main question coming out of that being the benching of Marian Gaborik on the 4-on-3 Wild power play that began overtime. He definitely should've been on the ice -- he's been on fire ever since he's been able to, you know, contribute to the team -- but I blame Niklas Backstrom for allowing the easy game-winning slapshot by Henrik Sedin more than anyone. It's over for the Wild, and there should be some serious scrutiny over what I've heard called on sports-talk radio here "The Ultimate Build Job." But just in case, this week they play thrice: Friday they host Calgary, Sunday afternoon they visit Detroit in a game broadcast nationally on NBC; and on Tuesday they host the Bastard North Stars. If you're not going to make the playoffs, Jacques Lemaire, then do me a favor: Get Derek Boogaard to beat the shit out of those Dallas thieves, please?
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). It's not like there's been a great time out there to take the home page of all the sports website on the Internet (although I guess Tubby's Gophers men's basketball team was kind of close), but has there been any news about the Woofie Dogs since Big Al was shut down for the season? Not that I think there should, but it's really as if this was 1988 and there was no NBA franchise here, and it's eerie. So, for those of you who don't know, these guys also went 1-2. Embarrassing blowout losses at Cleveland and home to Dallas were sandwiched around a win against New Jersey. In an effort to get this season done as quickly as possible, the Wolves have four games on tap this week, even though only one (Denver Sunday evening) is at home.
Let me add this, in case I haven't said this in a previous survey: This is possibly the worst draft in decades. There is Blake Griffin, and then there's everybody else. (MSU-Mankato:Blake Griffin::everybody else available in this year's NBA Draft:everybody else on this week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.) Unless you get the first pick, Fred Hoiberg -- and knowing this franchise's damned luck when it comes to the lottery -- trade the goddamn thing. It ain't worth it.
#-4: Swarm (Last Week: -2). Unlike the three losers ranked ahead of them, the local lacrosse team did not go 1-2 for the week. No, they lost their only game this week, 13-10 at home versus Calgary Saturday, so they bring up the rear this week. Thankfully, they are still clinging onto the fourth playoff spot in the West Division (assuming the top four teams in each divison do make the playoffs, and I could be wrong). It's a pivotal week for them; they are playing the two teams hunting them down for that spot. They visit San Jose, which is only a half-game behind, Friday night, and then host Edmonton, which is a full game behind, at the X Saturday night.
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