Choices

Choice 1: I was at the Mall Of America waited for the evening rush to pass before I went to my meeting in Minnetonka. After passing out in the car for 45 minutes, I had about an hour and a half to kill. Do I go to Hooters and get served by a waitress who wouldn't give me the time of day if she weren't working, or do I eat something else? After getting the blood to rush to my big head, I decided that after going through my finances earlier this week, I could not justify spending so much at Hooters if knew I was going to eat something big later.

Choice 2: Should I use my last free Stone Cold Creamery card? I had, like, two or three of them, and this is going to be the very last because I don't think they issue them anymore (or at least the punch-card type I had). Again, seeing that I can't just spend cash willy-nilly, I decided to use it. Ice cream was huge and great and so good to eat, but I still have my reservations. It didn't even reach 70 degrees outside; should I have waited till a warmer day? And wouldn't this ice cream be good as a dessert -- in other words, shouldn't I use this free card for my last meal of the day, not on a night where I would eat something later?

My final justification: I held onto that card for years. At what point was I going to use it?

Choice 3: Should I go to BJ's or 22nd Avenue Street Station for a bit? The girl who gave me a handjob may or may not be working at BJ's, but I don't have the balls to call her in case she's still as mad at me like she was when she returned my call. Should I go there anyway? What if she told everybody? The shame would surely prevent me from going there ever again, and that's a risk I couldn't take. But if I stay away too long, and if she really didn't tell anybody, maybe she'll then squeal to everybody that works there because she thinks that I'm not gonna be coming around anymore, so what does it matter? I then drop by unannounced, and everybody's laughing at my face when they wouldn't've even known about my "adventure" with her had I just shown up earlier in the summer like nothing happened between us.

I decide to go to the Double-Deuce instead just because I hadn't been there in a while. I spend three bucks on a Sprite I don't have the enthusiasm to drink. Some black guy having a good time chats me up. He invites me to the tip rail. The little ledge in front of the rail isn't level, and I don't want my drink to spill, so I put it on the counter behind me. This guy keeps talking and starts to talk shit to the stripper onstage, who complains that he's not tipping at all. Fun stuff. He leaves, which gives me the perfect opportunity to lean back and take a sip of my Sprite ... which is gone. The stripper and the two guys giving her tips throughout her set say My New Black Friend stole it. He may've been a little drunk and crazy, but why in the hell would he steal my Sprite? I mean, who does that? Maybe the waitress thought no one wanted it and took it away while this guy was grabbing my ear. But ... god, did he really steal my Sprite?

It's just three bucks, but that pilfer convinced me to save my money, get up and leave. I'm still confused over the incident; hurt too, and I'm getting angrier the more I type about this. Maybe I should've rolled the dice and risked ridicule by going to BJ's. (By the way, I drove past it. She was there, probably working.)

Choice 4: OK, now it's time for dinner -- at 10:30. (Maybe I eat like a European.) Should I get the spaghetti dinner? It makes you really full, but if there were ever a time to eat it, it'd be on a day when the only thing you had to eat was a huge cup of ice cream. But it's more expensive than the other thing I now get on a regular basis at the restaurant I hit up when I'm out late at night, salad and soup. And it's healthier and less caloric, too.

I saved enough money, I said to myself, and I knew I was going to throw some money at this late dinner. I got the spaghetti. It's usually really good. But this night the sauce was particularly runny. Also, I thought it was cold in some spots. Should've gotten the soup and salad.

The first two choices I'm OK with. The last two choices I'm not. 2-2. Batting .500. Perfectly mediocre. Just like my life. Actually, maybe a bit better.