Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  A very herky-jerky, momentumless win over Detroit, but they managed to pull away at the end, and being 8-1 is all that really matters.  Brett Favre is still playing like he's the lead dog, but it was nice to see Adrian Peterson get two touchdowns.  The A.D. that had his for-sure breakaway TD broken up in a very smart punchaway by Philip Buchanon is the one I don't like.  I'll leave the Vikes in negative territory for now because of an epiphany I have: All teams can change from good to bad or vice versa in the middle of a season, but right now the last five games of the year (at Arizona, vs. Cinicnnati, at Carolina, at Chicago, vs. the Giants) is shaping up to be the toughest stretch of the schedule.  The could run the table; they could also go 0-5 and lose a bye.  But all that is after their long three-game homestand, the middle of which is this Sunday against woeful and lost Seattle.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  Two sweeps last weekend; they tore through an easy part of the schedule and are winners of their last four.  That has mostly helped erase the losses to the prime competition this year.  With two weekends left in regular season play (the Big 10 does not have a conference tournament, thank God), we can start looking at where they're going to be ranked.  If the AVCA poll is any indication, a ranking of 12 equals a 3-seed.  But for some reason I believe they will lose one of their final four games and slip a line to become a 4-seed.  The game they're most likely to lose is their next one: at Michigan Friday night.  (They go to Michigan St. on Saturday.)

#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  I am so sorry to have misread the Gophs' schedule; I thought they were playing MSU-Mankato the weekend of Nov. 7-8 when they actually had that weekend off and were playing the Mavericks this past weekend.  Mio malo.  Anyway, they escaped southeastern Minnesota with two wins, although the Saturday game went to a shootout to break a 1-all tie.  Defenseman Anne Schleper basically carried the team to its two wins: She scored the game-winner in Friday's 4-1 win and was the only Gopher to score Saturday afternoon, both in regulation and in the shootout.  (When did games in women's college hockey break ties with shootouts?  How long has that been in place?)  For that, Schleper has been named WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week.  Do they have a bye this week?  No -- OK, they host Bemidji St. for a pair.

#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -7).  Hey, a win's a win, even if it's a shitty cheap one over a non-top-flight school like South Dakota St.  But I heard it described on talk radio as The Most Embarrassing Victory In Gopher Football History, and I can't disagree.  The Gophers' Offense didn't get into the end zone, they got their game-winning field goal off a fumble, and the Jackrabbits missed two FG's that otherwise would've given the Gophs a second loss to a second-level football team in three years.  Quarterback Adam Weber still looks confused back there.  And the defense didn't so much keep the team in the game as they were just bystanders between two offenses that really didn't want to play.  They're bowl-eligible now, but what's a fucking bowl?  All of this means that the rumblings that some people want Head Coach Tim Brewster fired after this season will not die down, and it certainly will grow because the last game of the season will be at Iowa Saturday.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  I was at Saturday's 4-1 win against Bemidji St.  If you've never been to a college game, go.  They don't have the best talent like the pros do, but you get to see young men and women who aren't getting paid play their hearts out because that's what they do in exchange for free-ride scholarships.  Best of all, you get to see them for prices much cheaper than those for professional sports.  I got mine through a scalper for $15; turns out I was sitting next to the season-ticket holder who sold it to them -- and I was sitting in the front row right behind the Gophers bench.  I've never been that close to any game, let alone a men's college hockey one.  You can't get that lucky in snagging that great of a seat for so little in a pro game.  You just can't.

Anyway, they looked great and disciplined in giving the Beavers their first loss of the season.  Then they played sloppy and stupidly in Sunday night's 6-2 loss.  That was Bemidji St.'s first-ever win over "powerhouse" Minnesota, a team they will face regularly starting next year, when the Beavers leave the soon-to-be-defunct CHA for the WCHA.  One fun fact I gleaned from riffling through the program; only one Bemidji St. player has been drafted by a team in the NHL; all but five players on the Gophers have rights held by an NHL team.  And yet they still get tripled by Bemidji fucking St.?  This week: at home versus UMD.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Wow, what a surpisingly shitty week!  A total 0-4 failure for the week, even if two of those losses came in the shootout.  Just when it seemed like they were stabilizing, they have to churn out this turd of a week.  They say you can't really judge a team until a quarter of the way through the season.  Well, they've played 21 games, and their 7-12-2 record portends yet another postseason staying at home for the Wild.  I don't know what the problem is, but maybe some home cooking will knock some sense into them.  Wednesday's loss to the Bastard Winnipeg Jets was the first of four straight home games; they continue that homestand playing the Islanders and Boston this week.

#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8).  They're down at the bottom this week -- again -- because I at least believe the Wild care and think they think they can win every single game they play.  (Although I might think that because it's hockey.)  The Timberwolves have punted this season; Kurt Rambis's installation of the Triangle Offense saw to that.  Nevertheless, a disgraceful 0-3 week meant they have lost 11 in a row after winning the opener against New Jersey.  But the worst kick in the balls?  The Power Rankings of ESPN's John Hollinger rank the Woofie Dogs dead last -- even worse than winless New Jersey, which comes in at 29th.  At Portland, at the Clippers and home to Denver this week.  We could be staring at 1-14 this time next week.

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