No, Actually, No "Funemployment"

I may have blogged about this: One of the things I hate about myself is the feeling I get when I think something's the way I want it to be, and then as I go through it, whether it be a process or a night or a plan, I slowly realize that not only is it not what I thought it would be, but it will turn out a lot worse than I want it to.

I was bummed late last week when I said I lost out on my chance for a job and therefore have to schlep it back on the dole. Well, I qualify, and the computer gave me my benefit amount. Today was the first day I could get on and apply for my money this week, so I did this afternoon.

I've done this before, therefore I know all the questions they were going to throw at me. When I reached the point where I had to type how much money I made for the week, and when I started typing that amount, this "oh shit" feeling dawned on me.

You see, the amount I made virtually matches the amount I'm supposed to receive. Although the math doesn't line up precisely, any dollar I make is one less dollar I get from the state. This past week I made so much that the benefit amount is $0. In other words, I applied for money this week and it was determined I was to receive not a red cent.

What's worse is that I did have an extra job this weekend, but the pay was so low that, if I'm crunching the numbers right this time, the amount I usually get paid will match the expected amount. I'll need to check the next week and/or see any mail that comes from the state. But it is quite possible that I will not receive any money at all, even though I have applied for unemployment.

And that means, my friends, that I am broke. I have very little money coming in, and unless I radically curtail my lifestyle, I will be bleeding money until I completely run out. This sucks dude, it really does. I though society was going to help me, but even these guys won't get me out of my troubles now.

The choices between getting a job or going back to work always remained somewhat abstract if only because I had enough cash to buoy me until I really need to make a decision. I am at the crossroads right now. And frankly, I hate it. I do not want to make this decision. I want to go to strip clubs whenever the fuck I like and get titties waved my face. I can't go back to school or, shit, find some job that I'll grow to hate. Again.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?