Sorry to be so vague, but I am now very, very worried about one of the girls at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version). I might be trouble. Or, she might be done with me, in which case I'm done with her, which means this will have to become vindictive.
I don't remember if I blogged about this at all, but this girl (again, I will not mention her by name), is a dancer, literally. The second time I saw her, about a couple years ago, she told me about this other job she did performing. And I have to say, it was a hell of a show. It's part vaudeville, part burlesque. Irony is, she isn't one of the girls who dances. She's an acrobat, and a clothed one at that. And I tell ya, she's awesome in it. She has since broken away from that company to co-lead another one, and it's gotten better -- more, hotter burlesque girls and weirder interstitial skits. But I'll be honest with you, every month, she's just about the best act in the show.
During or after each performance I'd say hi and tell her great show. We used to talk for a minute or so, where she would offer information about how it came together, and sometimes we wound up with a hug. So I felt we had a connection, a certain acquaintance chemistry. Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to assume.
Or maybe I was just too frisky when I did this to her.
She seemed OK. Or was she? The next month I saw her I took it slow -- just a quick wave before leaving. Next month, another quick wave. She didn't chase me down, didn't give me a smile, nothing. That's when I started to become afraid that in fact she didn't like me taking out my dick in front her two times. Maybe she's angry with me, and regretted ever telling me about her other job. Maybe she didn't want anything to do with me. Maybe she would be OK with never seeing me again, or worse, having me come to her shows (the vaudeville/burlesque ones) and tipping her money and not showing me any warmth or affection, ever again.
I'm starting to feel not regret for my "mistake" but frustration and anger that she turned on me. So last month I gave her one more chance. I would not leave the club until I gauged how she really felt about me.
So after the show I see her talking wtih people she apparently knew. I just boldly went up to her, tapped her on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, great show, I loved that you're putting new stuff in." That's all I said. While I was saying that, all she did was nod and say, "Yep, yep," as if she either wanted me to go away or was trying to talk over me so no one else could hear me. Well.
I've been thinking about her treatment towards me that night. I sometimes feel guilty; maybe I betrayed her sense of trust or just grossed her out when I exposed myself to her. But then I think that if she was so mad, why doesn't she tell me? Is ignoring me supposed to send a message that she wants me to fuck off? You're going to have to expend a little more energy if you want me to do that -- you know, sit me down, have a heart-to-heart talk. Or just kick me out of the club.
Partly because of my torn feelings, partly because I might run into her at the stripclub, and partly because I still think she's fucking hot as hell, I gave her yet one more chance this past Friday. I didn't know how to approach her, but I got my chance when she was hanging back near the bar. I was there the whole show, and after an act was finished and before she was able to squirm away from me, I just sidled up to her, tapped her on the arm and said, "Great show, love it a lot!" She nodded and smiled, broadly, too broadly, like she was overcompensating for the contempt she truly has for me. I didn't want to make a good situation bad, or a bad one worse, so I was walking away as I said my six-or-so words.
I don't know what to make of it, to be honest with you. But for the past two or so years, I have been to her monthly show. The one time I didn't make I wasn't there because she told me she was not going to be there. These are great shows, and I would miss going to them. But I'm not going to the shows anymore if all she is gonna do is passive-aggressively let me know she didn't like what I did. At the very least -- the very least -- I want her to appreicate my patronage and the fact I always tip the show when I'm there. If she doesn't care anymore, or if taking out my pee-pee outweighs that, well, she should have the decency -- and the balls -- to say so. Hopefully in private and not with anybody on the show (least of all her boyfriend, whom she probably told already), but say so, goddammit.
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