Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I Know I'm Paranoid

When I don't get a lot of sleep, I get very cross, a lot more cross than usual.  And I get real paranoid, a lot more paranoid than usual.  Just today it's ... things are on the knife's edge, you know?

See that gas is still around $3.90 a gallon.  I spilled about $19 into my tank Sunday on my way to St. Paul, but after my trip to the two places I work, I needed it again.  With the cost of a barrel of oil apparently going up, I didn't know whether I should put a sip in or more.  I split the difference and threw in another $30 in -- only half of my gas tank.  In my day, a twenty could fill 'er up!

Meanwhile, the fatigue is getting to me.  Tonight was agony; the answers keep getting dumber, and yet I continue to have to fight through my weariness.  Also, I think a co-worker of mine, one whom I worked with a long time ago, snapped at me.  Don't need that shit.

Worst of all, in the break room, I didn't see some people.  I had one project I started doing, then last week I was shunted off to another project.  There were a few people there I remember from the old one, including one who sat to the right of me.  I kind of missed them, but I figure that since their project was going on for at least another three weeks, there'd be plenty of time for me to say a passing hello in the hallway or something.

Well, today there was a noticeable quiet from the usual hubbub.  And the people I remember from my old project are gone.  They can't be done this early, can they?  Were they let go so soon?  Was I luckier than I thought that I was forced to jump ship before the reaper reaped?  Shit.

Well, I'm glad I still get a chance to make some money.  But how long will it truly last?  Will it be enough?  If not, is it worth it?

Finally, after getting home from work, I see that Grandmother forgot again to take her insulin shot.  If I'm not around to remind her at the end of the day, how in the hell is she going to remember when I'll be out of the country next month?  She's gonna die while I'm gone, I tell ya.

Looking at a little porn, then I have to hit the hay.  Getting very sleepy now. ...

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