The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -3).  Only one game, but it was an important one: A win at home against Calgary; by an ass-kicking score of 13-8; in a game televised on free TV; and, most importantly, that clinched a playoff spot.  (They're 6-7, but it helps that they're 2 1/2 games in front of the fourth-place team and that only the last-place team doesn't make the playoffs.)  I had to be reminded that this game was on television because I was too wrapped up in the men's basketball tournament game that just got done.  Thanks to KSTP's Chris Long for tweeting it between regional final games that evening.

The Swarm is four games out of first (which are, ironically enough, the Calgary Roughnecks), so the more realistic fight is for second place.  And they will meet that team, the Washington Stealth, in Washington tonight (Saturday night).  They're only a half-game behind (the Stealth have played one more game), but the Swarm have already won the season series and will go for the sweep.  And since 1st and 4th are so far away from these two teams, they're going to meet in the playoffs; this game should decide who gets to host the game.  Washington leads Major League Lacrosse in goals per game, total goals, and power play.  Also, the top three scorers in NLL will be in this match.  I didn't know that the top goal-scorer in the league is the Swarm's own Ryan Benesch.  The Forward should get some Most Valuable Player consideration.


#-2: Twins (Last Week: -4).  They went .500 this week (3-3), but it seems like they lost all six games.  That's probably because they kept losing to the Yankees again, even though they actually did win one game in the Bronx ... even though they had to come back for that win.  In fact, I spy with my little eye that all three wins (the only three wins they have so far) are all by one run.  The number of runs scored, in order: 1, 4, 3, 5, 3, and 2.  For the longest time they were going to lose to Oakland in yesterday's (Friday's) home opener by constipation, but they managed to "rally" and win.

The big news, of course, is the loss of Second Baseman Tsuyoshi Nishioka.  X-rays today showed that he has a broken bone in his lower left leg.  That's actually good because it looked Thursday that he would be done for the year.  I don't care what other people think, and even if I hear the good stories about him, to me, that slide by Nick Swisher looked fucking dirty.  Yet another reason to hate the Yankees.

That and the offense are the current reasons to worry about this team, which right now is tied with Detroit for last place in the A.L. Central.  Fans are still entranced by the late-season runs this team has pulled off in the last decade.  But one of these years that magic will disappear.  This might be the year the team falls short of expectations.  The law of averages demand a disappointment.  They finish their series against the Athletics this weekend, then go through the annual weirdo, early-season two-game series at home against Kansas City, then begin a four-game set at Tampa Thursday.


#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  1-2 for the week.  Thank God for doubleheaders; it always seems as if the two teams split those, and the back game was the one the Gophers won, giving them the series win against Purdue.  They began their series at Michigan St. with a 4-2 loss last (Friday) night.

They were supposed to play Augsburg Tuesday at Siebert Field, but it became the fifth game in the team's season that was canceled.  Why?  They themselves had a doubleheader scheduled last Saturday against another local team, Macalester.  But it was rained out, and for some reason they decided to play that two-fer on Tuesday.  Since the game against the U.'s a non-conference contest, the games against the Scots took precedence for the Augies.  They couldn't play those games Monday, or Wednesday?

This week they finish up in East Lansing, play St. Thomas at Siebert Wednesday, then begin a three-game series against Northwestern at Target.  God, I should go to one of those games soon.  And God, what a great idea for the Gophers and Twins to share that beautiful expensive stadium.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2).  A 1-3 week.  That first loss, to Tampa Bay on Saturday (at home, by the way), was the one that officially eliminated the Mild from the playoffs.  Of course, that eight-game losing streak late last month unofficially eliminated this fucking team.  God, I miss the North Stars.  They really weren't any better than the Wild, but ... well, I wore my North Stars jersey Thursday night to the Frozen Four national semifinals, and I got sentimental and wistful.  They may suck, but they're my team, and I would be so happy to have them back.  Fucking Dallas.

Where am I?  Oh yeah, one more game.  Sunday -- Fan Appreciation Day!  Let's see how many fans show up to feel appreciated by this lazy, underachieving team! -- against ... The Team That Was Stolen From Us.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  You know, for all the bullshit the Woofie Dogs have taken this state through, there was one indignity we didn't have to face: We aren't the worst team in the National Basketball Association.  Not as long as the Cleveland Cavaliers are around to scrape the bottom.

No more.  With a defeat at the hands of Phoenix, their third this screening week and their twelth in a row, they are now tied with the LeBron-less Cavs as the worst team in the league, with a record of 17-62.  They're lucky they already have won two more games than last year.

Kevin Love should probably be shut down for the rest of the year.  I mean, who gives a fuck?  I'm so glad I now work evenings; I won't be tempted to go watch this abortion at Target Center for free.

They end the season, mercifully, this week: at Denver, at Phoenix, then finally home to Houston Wednesday.