The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: No Rank due to protest of every team losing). Just between you and me, I kind of wanted every team in this week's WMNSS to lose every single game for a second week in a row because that would mean another short post. But goddammit, somebody had to win. And the first was the Gopher Nine, which ended the metro area's win drought by Sunday's 9-4 win over Cal Poly. The Gophers were the last local team to win, on the 17th. And if you don't count them, by the way, the last Minnesota team to have won before this screening was the Timberwolves on the 11th. The Gophs followed that up with a 9-5 win over Purdue yesterday (Friday) afternoon to open up Big Ten play at their temporary home, Target Field. My God, what a hell of a temporary home -- a major league ballpark? John Anderson, if the Metrodome doesn't get fixed in time, or if they decide to tear it down for a new football stadium, saying you'll be playing in a two-year-old, state-of-the-art baseball field would be a hell of a recruiting tool! This week they'll play a doubleheader to finish off their three-game series against the Boilermakers today (Saturday), then play a midweek game against Augsburg at Siebert Field, then start a three-game set Friday at Michigan St. One other thing to note: The y were supposed to play last Saturday at Cal Poly, but it was rained out. They played Friday and Sunday, but not the middle game. That cancellation was the fifth one in the past two weeks for the team. The ... magic of baseball? #-2: Wild (Last Week: No Rank due to protest of every team losing). A loss to St. Louis at home last Saturday made it eight goddamn losses in a row. They've won two since, but obviously it's too fucking late. They're now ... oh, it doesn't matter where they are in the Western Conference standings, they're not making the playoffs. Read a story by the great Michael Russo of the Star Tribune that Todd Richards probably will not survive as Head Coach of the Mild. The team was poised for a solid run into the postseason, Russo says, but that eight-game skid will mean someone's head will roll. Now, I totally am pissed off as hell over this collapse. I want someone to pay. But if I step back, I can't believe that Richards should be the fall guy. Russo notes that General Manager Chuck Fletcher is safe, for now. I like that. He's only in his second year, and he needs time to implement his scouting philosophy. He inherited a lot of bad contracts, Russo says. Well, Richards has been left to coach those bad contracts. If the players suck, there's isn't a whole hell of a lot he can do to turn them into a competent team. And a month ago they still were a playoff squad. Isn't it the players who are at fault? But the main reason I don't think Richards should be shitcanned is because he's only in his second year. I think three years coaching (or general managing, for that matter) has to be the minimum length of time to figure out if he should stay. Ex-ESPN baseball analyst Joe Morgan once said there are only two good reasons to fire a coach: He either lost control of the lockerroom or he cannot get the best out of his players. I don't think you can determine the latter after less than two years, and even though a losing streak has to be indicative of some coach-player disconnect, I don't see the former. Think about the message you're sending if you send Richards away after only two years. This is hockey, where Head Coaches step in the middle of playoff chases all the time and are frequently successful, maybe lead their team to the Stanley Cup Final. Shit, Lou Lamoriello puts Coaches through a turnstyle, sending them packing even when the New Jersey Devils are a playoff team. So maybe stability is overrated in the NHL. But I don't think that's the case here, especially because there needs to be at least two more years to clear out the dead weight. Fire Richards now, the team still isn't better, and now you've taken on the reputation that the franchise is permanently in a state of flux. The Wild shouldn't want that. Mercifully there are only five games left in the season. This week: Vs. Tampa Bay, then at Detroit and Vancouver. #-3: Swarm (Last Week: No Rank due to protest of every team losing). Lost to Buffalo and at Calgary, and now they have a three-game losing streak. This team always seems to fade down the stretch. They once were atop the Western Conference standings; now they sit in third, the two teams in front of them recently clinching playoff spots. The only saving grace for the Smarm, and the only reason I'm putting these guys ahead of the Twinks, is that only the last-place team in each conference is eliminated from the playoffs, and right now this club is 2 1/2 games clear of Colorado. But you never know! They finish a home-and-home with the Roughnecks at the X tonight (Saturday night). If you can't make it to the game, you can watch it at home over free TV! That's one more game everybody can watch than the Twins -- see below. #-4: Twins (Re-Entry!). Fucking Christ. If last (Friday) night's 13-3 opening-season shit-kicking at Toronto is a sign of things to come, the comprehensive suckitude that has devoured the local sports scene since last year's MLB playoffs began is going to go for a full year. What the fuck? I predicted the Blue Jays would finish in last place in the A.L. East. Meanwhile, I thought the Twinks would win the Central again. The concussion to Justin Morneau, lingering fears over Joe Mauer getting hurt, and a brand-new bullpen are the major questions heading into this year. Otherwise, nothing has changed in the lineup, the rotation, or the bench staff for me to think they're in trouble, even if Chicago picked up Adam Dunn and Detroit got Victor Martinez. But now that we've seen them win the division with some regularity, we're now awaiting the next step: Winning a playoff series. The fans should take a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately attitude; nothing short of postseason success should be tolerated. If, on Friday's home opener, there's a loud to-do by the team for raising an "A.L. Central Division Champs" banner, they should be ashamed of themselves. And if there are fans giving that banner-raising a standing ovation, they should be ashamed of themselves, too. The team has responded to this slow discomfort of the team's failures by pumping up their revenue streams. One way to do that is to take all television broadcasts to cable. For the past few years I could see every single Sunday game on Channel 29, an over-the-air station. No more. Greedy pricks. The finish their opening-season series at Toronto, then make their annual too-early-in-the-season visit to the Yankees (which they will play for only two series once again -- when will MLB fucking understand these are two teams that deserve to play another series against each other?!), then finally have their home opener Friday afternoon against Oakland. #-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: No Rank due to protest of every team losing). Three more losses this week, all at home, all to the three best teams in the Eastern Conference. That's now a nine-game current losing streak. Got tickets to Wednesday's game versus the Bulls. Didn't expect to want to go, but then I realized: The Woofie Dogs could be playing this year's NBA champ! They didn't fail to disappoint. Everybody, in particular Derrick Rose and Luol Deng, made every shot from the floor. I think Chicago finished at, like, 55% from the field. That could just be them having one hell of a night. Or, it could be more evidence the Wolves suck on D. Mercifiully, this team only has six games remaining. This week: at Memphis, at New Jersey, home to Phoenix.