Maybe My Enemies Aren't My Enemies After All!

Hmmm ... maybe all it takes is a day to turn things around.

Yesterday was sunny, yet I felt like shit.  Today was cloudy and raining all day, yet it was good!

I got less than four hours of sleep, but this morning ... I don't know, but I was on kind of a high.  And the lessons we went through went well, and the morning, and then afternoon, flew by.  And I felt good.

Oh, and the guy I thought was an asshole for making fun of me when I forgot to turn off my phone?  Somehow I worked witht he guy in the afternoon.  And, as far as I can tell, he wasn't a dick.  He even shook my hand when we were done.  Maybe I have Asperger's and can't pick up on social cues, but maybe I was wrong about him.  Maybe he's not a dick.

The hottest girl in my project sits in the row in front of me.  For some reason I thought she was kind of standoffish, a kind of bitch.  But while there was a question on the other side of the big room we're in, she finally locked into my glance (after a few days of looking at her ... dude, she's hot) and she commented in my general direction, "I just wanna go!"  Hey, we have a connection.  Maybe I'll actually make eye contact with her when I smile tomorrow.

Finally, at my either job, you remember I told you about my ex-co-worker from my ushering job?  The one who I think snapped at me?  We didn't talk at all all night.  Figures, I thought, he's just being his true self, someone insular, someone who forgets the people he knows from way back when.  But then, right when we were released from work and I was getting my coat on, he commented, in a joking way, about me being dressed for winter.  It's cold here!  Anyway, he's talking to me again.  Yippee!!

And this is where I have to confess: I am in a much happier mood if the people who don't seem to like me, or the ones who I think are shunning are me, turn out to be totally OK with me.  That means that I was just imagining things.  I wish I were more of an even-keep type of person, unaffected by the people around me and the way they're acting, especially towards me.  I'm not that kind of guy.  I can't be.  Their feelings about and toward me are all-important, I'm afraid.  Even when I lash out in anger over what I perceive to be their slight, justified or not, that shows that I give a damn about how they feel about me, even when I act like it doesn't.  Of course, since everything seems to be cool at work, things are great!

Now watch them turn on me and make fun of me tomorrow.