Expenses Without Receipts

Hey, can I blame all the shit going on at home for being so late with these Expenses Without Receipt(s)?

• My trip to St. Louis began on the 11th, and I think I did a good job keeping track of my expenses on my Franklin Quest. That means I don't have to do them here, but I'll do it anyway. It started with taking the money I got from my folks for Chinese New Year's -- a booty/Infusion of: $300.
• Touched down in STL. Tipped the nice shuttle driver who took me to my rental car company: $1. (Do people usually tip the shuttle drivers?)
• Went to the world-famous (?) Amighetti's for their Special sandwich. I don't think I got a receipt for this, but yet I have already written down a specific amount: $9.62.
• After watching the Southern Illinois-Edwardsville men's basketball game (where I was given a ticket for free and couldn't buy food because the line was too long and I wanted to be back in my seat for the start of the second half) I went to the casino. I lost $5 on slots. But then, Buddha forgive me, I came across a $100 bill at one of those ticket/bill breaker machines. I took it because a) I need the money and b) if I didn't take it, someone else would. I took a quick look around me just in case the person the Ben Franklin belongs to jogged back to grab it. No one did, so I did. And since I was scared the person it belongs to was going to either look for it or me, I immediately left the casino. So I "won": $95.
• And then I went and spent it at a strip club. Cover and beer and tips and dances from this sweet dancer named Alexis and water for Alexis: $126.
• I then spent from late night to dawn to full-blown morning, at Coffee Cartel, this 24/7 place right next to Barnes Jewish hospital. One of the things I wanted to do on this vacation is finally catch up with reconciling my checkbook with more than a year's worth of statements. That's why I was there for 3 1/2 hours. Got a mocha and two donuts. With a 25-cent tip: $6.66.
• I slept in Sunday. I then went to the Soulard district for what was supposed to be an early Mardi Gras street party. I first went to this raved-about BBQ place called Bogart's. I didn't get the recommended brisket or prime rib, unfortunately. I screwed that up. Instead I got the pulled pork sandwich, which was good but a tad dry. Anyway, it was a meal that, with tip, came out to: $10.
• I then went to this place I think I heard about called Llewyllyn's (spelling?). I thought I read that they have good beer. Anyway, I had one and planned on only that. But the guy next to me, who was working the dog parade that day, had a pass, so I had to get another one. I see a lot of good people like that in the Loo. Paid only a dollar tip for that one, so in total: $7.50.
• St. Louis Blues game; they beat San Jose, 3-0. Scalped ticket, program, hot dog and souvenir-sized Coke: $31.75.
• I then treated myself to the world-famous (no quotes) Ted Drewes for ice cream: $4.99.
• A trip to another casino. Weird: Played a little slots and craps, and I came out ahead. That never happens. I don't remember winning this amount, but that's the advantage of writing this shit down the night of. An Infusion of: $38.
• The Pub Room, very close to this casino, is a place that is notorious for the bartenders flashing their tits. The one this night did not, but she was cool, talking about taking road trips to Vegas. Nursed a beer. With tip: $4.
• I then went to the same stripclub I went to the night before. Same spiel, up to and including Alexis, although we split a pizza because she was hungry: $133.
• Quick trip to the same casino where I found the $100 the night before. Couldn't help myself. The only thing I did was lose money pulling a slot machine once: $3.
• Went back to the Coffee Cartel to finish reconciling. Felt good to do. With tip, again: $6.66.
• Monday I started going to another stripclub, where I saw an All-Time Favorite, A***** (stage name disguised to protect the guilty). Cover, beer, tips, drink for A***** and "dance" from A***** (OK, she gave me a handjob): $69 (I think).
• Went back to my hotel with a snowstorm starting to come through. Wanted to go to the SIUE women's basketball game. Would've stayed on the Illinois side of the STL metro area, but I saw a rip in my porno pants, one that was perfect for this stripclub because it totally showed off my genitals but would have posed a problem in a basketball arena. Anyway, I went to this place called the Lion's Choice. It's a roast beef chain restaurant, like Arby's ... except that their roast beef has some spice to it, therefore I think it could be better than Arby's. Total came out to: $6.46.
• There was no free ticket to the Cougars game, and there was no line at the concessions, either, so I actually spent more money for a ticket, a hot dog and pop for the women's game than the men's. (And I did it while driving through a hellish snowstorm). Total: $9.75.
• A***** wanted me to buy chocolate-dipped strawberries for her when I saw her the next day. So I went to this place called Dierberg's, which appears to be a fancier grocery store, like our local Byerly's. Total for two packages: $31.44.
• I then drove a long way to south county to try out this new casino. Slots and craps again ... except that I made money on craps. A lot of money. Like: $100.
• Every other trip to St. Louis I go take a ride up the Arch. Weird going on a weekday late morning, where the crowds are really light. BTW, a ticket costs: $10.
• Went back to this stripclub with strawberries in tow. Wanted to impress her, maybe even get a blowjob. But the bitch wasn't there. Fuck. Fortunately, another girl named S** was. Got a blowjob from her -- and only for $50!!! What a steal!!! And she was attractive, too!!! With tip and beer and tips: $64.50.
• Spent my last night of happiness in Mound City going to the last two casinos I hadn't hit yet, which, ironically, were also the two closest to my hotel. At the first one I played one slot one time. Lost: $5.
• The other one I only played slots, too, but that was because only one person was playing the only craps table that was open. Craps is no fun without at least a few people there. I played one slot machine and made money! I played another and lost money. And yet I still came out ahead!! In fact, through my sojourns through all the casinos of St. Louis, I think this is either the first or second time I made a net profit!!! Yeah, this time was with the help of the $100 I found, but you take your victories where you can. Anyway, at this place I wound up with: $18.
• Only one expense Wednesday, when I left. I tipped the housekeeper who was about to clean up the towels I ejaculated into: $1.

Whew! That was a lot. I'll stop here.