Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Good Riddance To That Douchebag Tim Pawlenty

Instead of talking about this evening at the Twins game where I tried to lowball a scalper into giving me a ticket for $10 by counteroffering $9, then seeing another scalper close by guffaw me into shame, I'll talk about Our Teflon Governor, Tim Pawlenty, announcing today that he won't seek a third term as governor of Our Beautiful State.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Timmy. For a guy who professes to "Minnesota values," he did his damndest to erase what made Minnesota, well, Minnesota. And he succeeded, too -- succeded in destroying public education and the social welfare net, making us less safe by demanding and getting this insipid conceal and carry law, turning us into a red-state-y Land Of Misfit Toys by sticking his neck out for gay discrimination, and turning politics in this state personal.

Two quotes to pull:

"Not ruling anything in or out. I don't have any plans."
You're full of shit. You're gonna run for president -- you know it, I know it, every Minnesotan knows it. That's the only reason you're not running for governor.

"We need leaders and visionaries who are change agents, not whiners and complainers and defenders of the status quo."

And you are nothing but a bully, yesman and lapdog. You wanted to run for senator, but Dick Cheney called you just before your press conference announcing your campaign and told you to not do it. Has he given his permission to run now? And your stupid goddamn no-tax pledge -- along with your vow to cut every single program designed to help local government and the poorest among us, reductions in benefits you won't have to answer for now that you've decided not seek re-election, you bastard -- has proved you are nothing but the bitch of that wingnut Grover Norquist. People you are taking health care, day care, work opportunities and social programs from (while leaving your fatcat cronies free and clear from the monetary pain you willingly inflict on the rest of us) are not whiners and complainers; they're ordinary folks trying to get by. And for eight years you have sought to break their will. And now you want to run for president? God, I hope this state understands what you've done to it and turns its back on you.

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