Threatened By Collection Agency

Maybe they come for all of us at some point.

Got woken up at a bit after 11 by the phone.  Grandmother answered it and, coincidentally, it was for me.  I answered yes when he asked for me.  He seemed nice, but when he said that this call was being monitored, all my fatigue evacuated through my pores.  This is something serious.

The guy was calling for a collection agency, and he said I owed a thousand bucks on a loan for an '04 Ford.  I told him he's got the wrong guy.  He gives me a birthdate of this guy he's looking for -- "No," I said, "my birthday is ..." -- d'oh!  I just remembered that guys are trying to scam people by making them give out their personal information!!  Shit!!!

I played coy the rest of the way.  Somehow he thought that I sounded "too old" for the guy he was looking for, who apparently was born in '79.  And then he said the last name which didn't sound like my last name.  It wasn't me, I told him.  He started to verbally retreat, and he was actually starting to be nice to me.  I asked him for his name and number.  He gave it to me.  In the back of my mind I thought he was bullshitting me, but whatever, I thought I had won.  I made him say I wasn't the guy he was looking for; when he did, he said that that was it, and he hung up.

No.  It can't be it.  I know it can't be it because I know these asshole collection agencies.  They keep calling, start to harass, then go on to threats, all in an attempt to break you and make you pay up.  I know they're going to fuck up and call me again.  Those pricks think I'm the guy who owes them money and they will not stop calling me.

So I had to take the offensive.  I call the number the guy gave me; if it didn't work, these guys aren't collection agents but some scammers that are about to charge the fuck out of my credit cards.  Instead, I get this lady.  I tell her I wanted to make sure this number checked out.  I caught her in the middle of something because she wasn't responding to my questions quickly enough and it sounded like she was harassing other people on other calls.  All I wanted to do was make sure these people never called me again about some bogus loan in a name that sounds close to mine but wasn't.

Then this woman said my last name.  That's when I became alarmed.  "How did you know my last name?" I demanded to know.

She may have gotten really busy at that point, but then she started jabbering some gibberish about social security numbers and "Why did you say this was you?" when it wasn't (if I had the right presence of mine I would've shot back, "I heard you wrong.  What, you never heard someone wrong ever?  Bitch."), then said, get this, "Why are you wasting our time?"  Wasting your time?!  You call the wrong guy and scare the shit out of me that the big bad collection agency is going to come after me for money I don't owe, and I call to make sure you're not going to be using my credit card to pay for cars and trips to Jamaica, AND I'M WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME?!?!?!  Fuck off and die, bitch!

Blah-blah-blah no-litigation state, and then she said goodbye.  Oh, I am so pissed at this collector cunt.  This might be her telling me to buzz off so she can continue working, but I do not deserve this shit from somebody whose company holds so much power that they can fuck with my credit even when they get the wrong guy.  I'm filing a complaint with my state Attorney General.  I need somebody to know what is happening, especially if they call again.

Oh yeah, and I need to publicize these people.  I was called by a company called Tiburon Financial, based in Omaha, Neb.  The nasty bitch was ... man, I want to say her name was "Keshia," but I could totally be wrong.  She sounded black, though.  The number I was given was (888) 339-6750, and although these guys are rude, the company is legitimate.  Won't stop me from filing a complaint, or at least calling the appropriate parties to ask what could be done about this.

Fuck, they'd better not call me again.  Fuck!  I called them on my cellphone!!  They have my cell number now!!!  GODDAMMIT!!!!  Oh my fucking God, I have to get ready for war against these motherfuckers!!!!!