She Took Her Love Away From Me

You know the ex-stripper/waitress that used to give me handjobs but told me to fuck off the last time I asked her to flash me her tits?  Well, I was brave enough to go back to the bar.  After consulting a website, I decided not to stay away and instead go in.  I was going to act as if nothing was going on, but I was going to make a subtle point in ignoring her.

Well, it worked.  I was still going through My Fucking Father troubles, and I wasn't really in the moment anyway.  But then, she didn't seem to mind that I blew by her and got my coffee from the bar.  She was drunk off her fat ass.  OK, maybe this is the way it's gonna be. ...

I came in two days later, around the time of the NFC Championship Game.  She's a huge Vikings fan, so her eyes were glued to the TV -- and she was drunk.  Things were still tense at home, but I too was concentrating on seeing how the Vikes were going to fuck this up whether the Vikes could beat the Saints.  Even though I was working, and even though I was at a table and therefore should have been waited on by her, she barely acknowledged me once, on a play in the game.  That's it.

The third time was a couple nights ago.  I popped in partly because I knew she wasn't working.  However, she came by just to hang out.  And she had a male friend with him.  Probably didn't even know I was even there.

You know, for all the bullshit My Fucking Father gives me, what she's doing to me hurts just as bad.  He might be pissed at me.  But sometimes I feel that the only thing worse than "I hate you" is "I don't care about you anymore."  She seems to be going along just fine without even recognizing I exist.

I thought she was cool, man, I thought she was awesome.  Her tip dances were legendary.  She allowed me to places few others would let me go to.  I showed her my manhood, for God's sake, my manhood.  And she accepted my manhood -- roughly, repeatedly, only after so much cajoling, but she accepted it, and (for now at least; she might rat on me now that she hates me) she kept it just between us -- well, us and anybody who comes across this post.  I don't know how she felt about it, but to me it was special, and something I wanted to continue for a long, long time.  But now she took her love away from me.  And it hurts, really bad.