Friday, January 22, 2010

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -8).  Saw them beat the defending champion Calgary Roughnecks with my own eyes!  And it was a fairly convincing win too!  Zach Greer, the Chosen One, scored his first professional goal and chipped in four assists.  And the Swarm scored three goals, no more and no less, in all four periods, a remarkable sign of consistency -- either that or it's just a coincidence.  They host Colorado Friday/tonight.  However, I won't be attending that game because I think I'm going to tune into the Haiti fundraiser.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -9).  OK, I was wrong.  I did not believe the Vikes were going to manhandle the Cowboys like they did, let alone win.  But I too saw this with my own eyes.  Favre, Peterson and especially Rice were firing on all cylinders, the offensive line kept Favre clean, and most importantly, they were able to generate a pass rush.  Now I get to be afraid of the New Orleans Saints.  The greatest factor should be that it's on the road, where the Vikes are only 4-4 this year.  But there are some paths to victory.  Since the NFC Championship Game is in a dome, the team's speed remains.  The defensive line and linebacker corps aren't the toughest, so there's an assumption that the Vikings will be able to run the ball.  And the Saints have a Left Tackle that ain't the best, so maybe Jared Allen can singlehandedly fuck up Drew Brees's rhythm?  Vikes fans have absorbed all these weaknesses and run with them; assuming they will win and get to their first Super Bowl since '77 is everywhere in the state.  It would serve us right if they lost, like, 41-doughnut again.

By the way, Prince has come out with a fight song for the Vikings.  Haven't heard it and won't.  He's a great guy, a fantastic musician, even a genius.  But he has no business penning a fight song for the Purple.  Combine that with Harvin, Edwards and Kevin Williams being injured and Favre being on the cover of Sports Illustrated, and I'm now more than certain that they're going to lose.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Going up to North Dakota and extracting a win and a tie from the fourth-ranked team in the country may be the first impressive thing this team has done all year.  In the 5-1 victory Saturday, Tony Lucia and Jacob Cepis tallied the fastest back-to-back goals in Gopher history: seven seconds apart.  Goalie Alex Kangas was named WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week and Zach Budish Rookie Of The Week.  This weekend: a home-and-home with 12th-ranked St. Cloud St.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  OK, I don't get this.  The still-second-ranked team in the nation went up to Bemidji St. and tied twice.  I think that if this were men's hockey, they have an overtime period and if it's still tied, the game ends in a tie.  But in women's hockey there's a shootout, and the Gophers won both.  And yet, both games are recorded as ties.  But then, the team gets an extra point as if they won both games.  Which they did.  I don't get it.  I didn't put the women's hockey team behind the men's because they didn't win a game; I put them behind them because I'm just worn out over why women's hockey has this ridiculous rule.  They host North Dakota for two this weekend.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7).  A 1-2 weekend -- a five-point win at home against Philadelphia, a two-point loss at Target against the Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, and a 25-point loss at Memphis.  How did the Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies become a .500 team?  Didn't we trade O.J. Mayo to them for Kevin Love?  How did that work out?  Whatever.  This week they host the Bastard Charlotte Hornets (lots of bastards ...) then on the road for three, winding up in Cleveland.  Good luck!

#-6: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  Trading for Lindsay Whalen actually happened last week, but it's so important that even though I forgot, I think I should put this in now and state the obvious: This is purely pandering to the fans.  This franchise is in trouble, and they think they need Whalen to bring people to games.  And they're right ... except that I think the Lynx have been so bad for so long that I doubt it'll matter.  Besides, this is a past-her-prime, broke-down Whalen, not the ascending Whalen that brought the Connecticut Sun to two WNBA Finals losses.  This might work for, oh, one game.  Then they need to win.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  Both b-ball teams had just one game this week, both this past Sunday, both on the road, both against beatable teams ... and both came up agonizingly short.  The men were down by as much as 15 points in the second half against Indiana but managed to tie the game and send it to overtime.  There, they had a five point lead late in the game.  But the Hoosiers ended the game on an 8-0 run to defeat the Gophs, 81-78.  They get to go back to their coccoon for their two games this week; unfortunately, they are against Big Ten leaders Michigan St. and NCAA bubble team Northwestern.  And speaking of Northwestern. ...

#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  ... the distaff Wildcats somehow erased a three-point deficit in the last two minutes of the game by getting to the line and hitting four free throws; they beat the lady Gophs 61-60.  They still have yet to win on the road in Big Ten play.  They get another shot Thursday at Ohio St., but not before hosting Michigan St. Sunday afternoon.

#-9: Wild (Last Week: -3).  And this team has skidded back towards the bottom of the barrel again.  A comeback shootout loss to Detroit caps an 0-3 week and leaves them on a four-game losing skid.  They scored at least three goals all three losses, so what could it be?  They have another three games this week: home to Columbus, home to the Red Wings again (they'll be playing the Winged Wheel at the X six days apart ... nice scheduling there, NHL), then at Colorado to face the Bastard Quebec Nordiques.

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