A Woman Checked Out My Balls Yesterday

This is the third time (first in two or three years) that I had to go in for an ultrasound for my testicles.  During my check-up in 2005 the physician wanted to make sure that this thing called a vericocele behind my left ball wasn't a symptom of something worse, so because I had a job then I didn't fight my PCP when I went in for an ultrasound.

It's weird to undergo a test you associate only with pregnant women.  What I did was take off my pants, get on the recliner thingy and put a towel around my privates.  The girl would then take the ultrasound gun, put some gel on it, make damn sure my penis was pointed away from my balls, and pressed it up against my sack.  Sometimes I'd hear a deep thudding, like a heartbeat travelling through the water (if that makes any sense), but on the screen images of my testicles would pop up and be saved and categorized.  (When I was stripping down I always took my glasses off and didn't put them on until I was done.  I should have because I should see what in the heck it looks like and what they're looking for.

This time around at least the gel was warm.  And in the interest of helping this woman out, I asked her if I needed to move my leg; she needed to get around my right leg to get at my junk, and maybe if I slipped it to the side of the bed or, you know, lifted it up, she could get at it better.  I mean, if I'm going to have to do this ultrasound, I want to make sure it's done right one time.  Besides, she was nice but not good-looking.  I mean, if she got me hard ... OK, I'm kidding.

What they're looking for is calicification in my balls; that's an early warning sign for testicular cancer.  The second ultrasound two or three years ago showed a signifcant increase in the amount of calcium deposited in my man parts, justifying my second ultrasound and should've prompted a third the following year.  I'll actually say I dodged a bullet this time around; like my PCP told me in my check-up, "If there has been something, and it's been two years, you'd be in a world of hurt right now."

Let's hope there's nothing this time either.  I'll know in about a week.  Worst-case scenario: They have to remove my testicles.  That sucks, but it's not like I'm using them now anyway.