-1: Twins (Last Week: -1). In a very underwhelming week for Minnesota sports, this is a case where the local baseball team is on top by default. A 6-4 victory pulled out by Francisco Liriano (against Cliff Lee, the number-one get by the Twinks before the trade deadline but scuffling right now) averted a four-game road sweep by the Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0. These Bastards (which the Minnesota Twins are really the Bastard Washington Senators v.1.0) have really beefed up their pitching. They kept the ball down in their three wins over the Twinkies. This isn't your had-no-other-choice-in-the-A.L. West team; these guys are good.
So are the Twins, but how good? They go berserk over teams they're much better than, and that's good; in fact, that's absolutely necessary if they want to be considered a good team. However, they lost four of six games versus the Yankees, lost five of eight versus the Tampa, and split with the Texas Rangers. It could be worse; the Twinks lost every single motherfucking game to the Yanks last season. But I was not pleased that this squad couldn't go into enemy territory and at least split a series with a team that's headed to the postseason, let alone win three or even all four games.
Well, at least they took two out of three at home last weekend against the Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels. ... Right now they are 3 1/2 games ahead of Chicago in the A.L. Central, so this race is far from over. This week, they are in Seattle over the weekend, then three at home against Detroit.
-2: Vikings (Last Week: -3). I think it was Todd McShay in ESPN The Magazine that said that in today's NFL, a Super Bowl-winning team needs only four players: a quarterback; a blindside offensive lineman; a pass rusher; and a shutdown cornerback. Every other position can be filled adequately by people that can wait after you scout for elite men in the prime spots.
That sounds like a good plan, so I'm not too bent out of shape that the Vikes' receiving corps is going down in flames. Sidney Rice stupidly thought his hip could heal in the offseason without surgery, but he was wrong, and he'll be out for the first half of the season and maybe the whole season. And Percy Harvin is still suffering migraines. They've gotten desperate, signing Javon Walker and trading Benny Sapp to Miami for Greg Camarillo. Again, these guys could just be interchangeable parts as long as Brett Favre is under center. But it ain't great, either.
-Infinity (tie): Lynx and state Little League World Series baseball team (Last Week: -2, New!, respectively). Well, it was typical of the Jynx to essentially piss away their playoff chances by choking away yet another lead. In what may have been the most pivotal regular season game this franchise has played in recent memory, the team led the Los Angeles Farmers Insurance by 10 points midway through the third quarter, only to get blasted 34-22 in the fourth and lose Friday night. Even though they won their final game of the season at Indiana, depriving the Fever of a chance to win the Eastern Conference (they actually tumbled all the way down to third, thus stripping them of home-court advantage even for their first-round series against the New York Foxwoods), they were still the odd team out because, oddly enough, L.A.'s loss Saturday night to the Seattle Bing forced them into a two-way tie for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference, and L.A. gets in on the tie-breaker, which was head-to-head series. The Jinx were swept by the Farmers 4-0.
So, now what? Even though they lost a playoff spot due to a tie-breaker, they finished with the second-worst record in the WNBA, which means they should get yet another stud from the college ranks. But they already have five on the roster, and yet they've missed out on the playoffs for the sixth year in a row. The pressure is on Majority Owner Glen Taylor by his minority owners to just fold this team. And to be honest with you, six non-playoff seasons in a row is a good enough reason to extinguish the Lynx.
But I have to spread equal shame to the Plymouth-New Hope Little League team, only the sixth representive from the state of Minnesota to reach Williamsport ever. There are, like, a bajillion teams in Little League, so making it to the Little League World Series is a stunning achievement, it really is. And I don't want to impugn on the play of these young boys, I really don't.
However, dude, they crapped out at 0-3. They didn't win a single effin' game there. They even lost their consolation match against the metal group Rammstein ... no, wait, excuse me -- to kids from Ramstein Air Base. You couldn't even win one friggin' game? Way to represent 'Sota, boys.
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