I couldn't take it anymore. I had acceded to My Father's wishes and stayed away from her, but I couldn't for long. At the very least I had to know if she was doing OK.
So yesterday, after work, I called the group home. I got the on-call nurse. I asked her how she was doing. Health-wise she was OK, though the only thing Grandmother keeps saying is that she wants to go home. And then a surprise: The old people there were having dinner, and the nurse just happened to be standing next to her. So she gave the phone to her.
The only thing in our 30-second conversation she said, besides the "I'm OK" boilerplate, is whether she could go home. Once again, I told her she couldn't because Father has barred her from coming back.
But that wasn't the thing the bothers me the most. The thing that bothers me the most is that when Grandmother got the phone and said "Hello," and when I said "Grandmother?" she didn't say my name, as she always has. She just said hello and asked if she could come home.
I'm worried that she has started to forget who I am. If she doesn't remember my name, why would she remember my identity? This is what I was afraid of when My Father started to tell me to stay away from her. I don't know if he is legitimately concerned for my safety around her of he's scared I'll get swept up in any potential legal dealings her and her boyfriend are embroiled in. However, I am paranoid that this is his way of severing my ties with her, which, frankly, are much stronger than the ones with him. She was my caretaker when I was growing up when my parents were out working. They provided the home, but they weren't the ones I came home to. I'm not saying he's jealous, but I'm saying he's trying to wipe any imprint Grandmother had on this family. It doesn't help that Grandmother has memory problems; me staying away long enough for her not to remember who I am if and when I ever come back will do that.
I can't do this. I'll try and protect myself, so far as I can, but I have to see her. Soon.
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