I bitch a lot about my parents, but one thing I will never complain about them: Their cooking. They have always made fantastic food. I have always loved their pho the best. Sadly, the older I get the less I'm able to eat the huge bowls they have always given me. Then again, the bowls they've used the past year or so have been even larger than the ones I'm used to.
Anyway, we ate noodles tonight, and it was awesome, but like occurs nowadays, I get heartburn/indigestion/acid reflux after I (barely) eat the soup. This night, however, it was bad; it didn't go away after a few hours of resting.
So I go to the refrigerator to get some antacid relief. I open up the door and ... there's no antacid. It was in the compartment where we usually keep the medicine. But in fact there was no medicine, period.
And that's where I blame My Fucking Mother. I bitch a lot about how My Fucking Father has these cleaning jags. But My Fucking Mother is as well, particularly when it comes to cleaning out compartments; she has been at her most fanatically fastidious when throwing out literally everything in the fridge and the upstairs bathroom closet.
Seeing the entire fucking medicine cabinet cleaned out pissed me off. I know what she'd say: "There was so much there, and no one used it, so I throw away!" Of course we don't use it because we don't fucking need it! And when we do need it, we can go to the fridge and use it!! It doesn't fucking go bad, for fuck's sake!!! Shit, it's the old age of I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. And goddammit, I need it and I don't fucking have it.
I almost went off, man, seriously. The cleaning out was totally unnecessary, I was left without something I relied on when I needed it, and it came as a surprise so I was left scrambling for relief for this burning sensation in my throat. I remembered I might have a sample packet of antacid in my toilet bag, but I didn't remember where I put it, but I didn't care, so I stomped all over the upper floor to get it. And when I couldn't find that I just started ... looking, aimlessly, futilely. Through all this I could sense the GERD continue to well in my stomach. I was losing my mind. Guys, I really wanted to throw and bash things around my bedroom. I was getting that upset.
But I had to calm down because I knew doing that would just make things worse. So I finally turned on the Internet to see if I could naturally take something around the house. There is not a lot of consensus in cyberspace, let's just say. The first thing I saw was milk. I have milk! And so I drank some ... even though I read further and saw that milk is only a short-term solution, and that you're only making things worse later on. Fuck.
Then I read that a banana naturally reduces the acid in your stomach. I have a banana! But as I ate it I finally understood what one site marked as a danger: If the banana isn't ripe enough, it's actually more acidic than the acids roiling in your body, so if you eat it your indigestion gets worse. Uh, I can never tell if a bananas is ripe enough. Fuck me.
Then I saw water, so I drank a little of that. Finally I tried gum, which a couple places said would trigger saliva that naturally is alkaline. Never was taught that in school. So the chewing gum, or that in combination with the water, banana and milk, finally made me burp, which has decreased my heartburn and, more importantly, made me feel better. I can still feel a fire in the pit of my stomach, but I'm chewing gum now and I am OK.
Still kind of angry My Fucking Mother threw away the antacid for no good fucking reason, though. Also, all the food I consumed is on top of the noodles I ate for dinner. I was by no means hungry when I was searching for something to cure my acid reflux. So although my GERD is lessening, I had to get even fatter than I felt after I ate all the soup. Kind of a Catch-22, if I knew exactly what the fuck a Catch-22 is.
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