This has been a long time coming. I know the Super Bowl happened six weeks ago, but I had a lot of commercials I wanted to write about, and by the time I finished finding the links and figuring out what I wanted to say, I had to do something else. Then I had other things I wanted to blog about, and now it's after the Ides of March.
This post is so big that I'm splitting up the ad review into two parts. At some point I will tell you the five best spots of Super Bowl XLVII. But for now, I will talk about the also-rans, the ones that had the most hype and the ones that deserved a lot more hype than they got.
All in all, a much better crop of spots than last year. In fact, even though there are a lack of guffaws (there haven't been many the past several Super Bowls), this was the strongest roster in a long time.
Most Surprising Failure: Anheuser-Busch's commercials
Did you notice that there were no outrageous Bud Light spots this year? The only one were the two featuring Stevie Wonder (whom I didn't recognize at first with the hat on) and Zoe Saldana:
I barely remember these "voodoo" commercials; do you? Inoffensive is the best thing you can say about these two, but I'm more struck at how uncharacteristic these are of Bud Light. This is the beer company that were in your face with their racy, disgusting ads. Remember, this is the company that gave us a farting horse. Where's the frat boy humor? It's not as if I actually wanted to see shit like that, but are they trying to go a different route? And if so, is this the different route they're going? You're not going to gain any fans turned off by their old commercials, and they'll just lose the ones that liked them.
Weirdest Commercial -- In A Good Way: MiO, Anthem (extended version below)
I'm saddened that this spot, featuring the insane yet funny Tracy Morgan, did not get more likes in the zeitgeist. But looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised. It's a spot that had the distinction of blending high-minded with low-minded humor. It was for people who are saddened that 30 Rock has ended -- people like me. And by the way, Morgan starred in (and was an integral part of the genius that was) 30 Rock.
From the get-go the ad was kind of screwy. First of all, I haven't seen a good Patton ripoff in some time, so that's good. And then the off-camera voice says something grammatically incorrect, something 30 Rock used sparingly but very effectively: "You know what always kept American moving forward, America?" Some of you might have thought to yourselves, "What?" But when I heard that line in the extended version (I do not think that voice and line was on the spot that aired during the game), I was grinning from ear to ear.
And then Morgan steps out of the shadows and shows all the ways this country has changed, and therefore how it's not such a strange step to pour this sports drink-type color liquid additive to water, MiO Fit. They're all funny, dashed with that ol' 30 Rock quality from seeing things in an off-kilter way: "We didn't like the shape of chickens, so we changed them to nuggets," was his first evidence of change. I've never thought of that before, but not only is that funny, he's right. And he continues to hit these one-liners out of the park, up to the moment where he rockets up to the sky. That last part is something Old Spice would try to do to prove they're weird and so cray-cray, but in this case it fit the whole "something's funny yet off" vibe. I think this gets funnier the more you watch it.
Commercial That Got Too Much Hype: Mercedes Benz, "Soul"
Car commercials for the Super Bowl have never been memorable. But really, is this it? Mercedez-Benz would have been better off just airing this without whetting our appetite, or so they think. Instead, I was nonplussed with the teaser spot of a dingy-by-commercial-standards bar and The Rolling Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil" mysteriously (but not really) starting up without anyone putting money in the jukebox. And my lack of interest was repaid with a weak story that wound up with guys pasting down the corner of a billboard showing that the car will retail for under $30,000. That's all well and good, but there had to be a more clever way of getting around to that low price point. Plus, Willem Dafoe is wasted, although it's never a complete waste to see him. He's good people.
Riskiest Ad, One That I Thought Would Get Much More Heat From The ACLU, Yet One I Don't Mind: Coke, "Security Cameras"
I don't consider myself a leftist. I consider myself to be a moderate that leans left -- like my penis. (Hey-yo! Sorry, I felt the need to be coarse there.) But the organized conservative movement in America is so fucking insane, I have chosen to listen to left-wing radio and TV because, apparently, the righties want a war and I have to choose sides.
That doesn't mean I believe in everything the lefties say. For example, they are very wary about the creeping, if not the now-pervasive, surveillance society we now live under. A dirty little secret, and maybe one that exposes my naivete if not my complicit surrender of my civil rights: I'm not too worried about it. I think that if there's a camera in a public area, and if I do something technically illegal, such as littering or urinating in an alley, I don't think the police will spend the time to track me down to my house (I assume they can glean my personal information just by identifying my face) and give me a ticket. They have bigger fish to fry, like looking for terrorists. Besides, I don't think there are policemen anymore.
Coke seems to think people are bent out of shape about cameras being everywhere, too. So instead of the usual stock footage foreboding evil like Person of Interest (and in the extended cut above the spot lays the groundwork for its irony by showing close-ups of the creepily moving cams) they show a man kissing his girl. "People Stealing ... Kisses," the intertitles show, then "Music Addicts," "Attacks of Friendship," etc.
What Coke is trying to say is that Big Brother can be your friend, too! Haters of that viewpoint might consider that to be Pollyannish. But this is the first time I've seen someone, somewhere, not get pissy over the concept of surveillance. And daring critics to describe the commercial as pro-Big Brother is downright subversive. Not only do I agree with that viewpoint, I kind of like this ad for tweaking popular opinion.
Commercial That Might Have Been Funnier If I Hadn't Spoiled Myself By Watching It Before The Super Bowl: Taco Bell, "Viva Young"
On first watch, leaked in an online story, this was cute. That's due to my sentiment for Grandmother, whom I still haven't been able to speak to because she's half a world away. Buddha, I hope she's well. I picture her being young at heart, though not necessarily getting tattoos and rubbing their nipples along windows. That's where the ad lost me; you're still obnoxious if you're incontinent. And that irritation was the thing that shone through when I saw it on the big screen at the Super Bowl. Still like the touch of using as a bed a Spanish version of fun.'s "We Are Young" -- both indicative of the spirit the elderly show as well as touching on the "Latino roots" of the fast food chain. But its charms are overwhelmed by the time I saw this spot a second time.
I Kind Of Like This One, And I Wanted To Give It Some Praise Here: Hyundai, "Stuck" (extended version below)
Whenever may car has been acting normally, I hate getting stuck behind a slow car. Hyundai agrees with me, and likely a lot of other people, in showing the acceleration feature on its Sonata Turbo. This couple sees the rear of a series of vehicles, with increasingly outlandish cargo: A pile of junk, horses' asses, newlyweds who couldn't wait to start their honeymoon, spitting dogs, hazardous chemicals, fireworks, then finally nuclear warheads just cruising down the highway. The ad married something we all can relate to, namely being slowed down unnecessarily, with moments when we get stuck behind something and ask ourselves or the people riding with us, "What the hell is that???"
Widely Regarded As The Worst Commercial Of The Super Bowl -- And It Is, With A Caveat: GoDaddy, "Perfect Match" (extended "unrated" cut below)
Gross and unrelenting, reminds you of the dotcom Super Bowl where all these start-up tech companies, making it rain with venture capitalist money, all decided telepathically to try and make the most disgusting and juvenile ads the world has ever seen. And let me whip this out there: Bar Refaeli is not that hot. I don't think she's heinous, but ever since I saw her on Letterman doing the customary Tuesday Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Girl Interview where she just shut down David Letterman when he wanted to ask about her then- (and still-?) boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio, I thought she was a bitch. Really, Brooklyn Decker, Irina Shayk and Kate Upton are all hotter and nicer.
Saying that, there are some points I can defend. First of all, at least GoDaddy isn't teasing us with showing nudity if you just go on their website or YouTube channel, which is all just blueballs bullshit. And empathize for the nerd, Jesse Heiman. He's considered the World's Best Extra, and now he gets his shot to kiss a world-famous model. And they had to re-shoot that kiss 45 fucking times!!! I can tell he asked to re-do that kiss, oh, about 40 times: "Oh, I'm sorry, can we do that again? I think a booger was hanging out of my nose. I hope you understand, Bar." Stop making fun of a guy for being ugly. This will probably be one of the five best memories of his life. Why can't you just be happy for him?
Best Teaser Ad/Super Bowl Commercial That Wasn't Aired During The Super Bowl: Volkswagen, "Sunny Side" (extended cut below)
I just saw the unaired, extended version and it not only made me smile but chuckle, all over again. So the spot starts off with a bunch of people breaking down into tears or losing their minds, and you (OK, at least I) think that it's going to be an ad making fun of them. Deserved, probably, but it's not anything new.
But this is a Volkwagen commercial, creator of the sunny Beetle. Cut to a sunny pastoral field and reggae legend Jimmy Cliff. And now the inspired part of the commercial: The company hired all these crazy Internet guys to come together in that field, smile, join hands and sing The Partridge Family's "Come On, Get Happy." It is really sweet -- yet, in retrospect, typically Volkswagen -- to, in effect, help these celebrities redeem their online and public image. I recognize most of them -- the baseball coach that threw a base, the Packers fan crying after a loss, the candidate shouting for no good reason. I didn't think any of them were bad people. But it's really good to see them have a sense of humor about themselves. And in turn, I think of them in a better light. They aren't crazy people after all!
Funny and in the end, happy, thus reinforcing the hippie reputation of Volkswagen, meaning this is a good commercial that effectively sells the brand, even if there isn't a product to shill for. If this advertisement ran during the game, this would at least have been the second-best of the night.
To be continued.
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