Last week, finally, this assignment my temp agency had told me about for a week had some movement: The person hiring me wanted to interview me over the phone. Have never done it before, but I'll be totally honest: Even though I heard other people were being considered, I thought I had this in the bag.
The girl spoke to me at work over speakerphone. I was nervous, so I kept my banter short and stayed to-the-point. As it turned out, I was more nervous than I should have been. I was able to ask the questions about this job that I wanted, and it seemed like she liked me. Moreover, I think I was able to BS my way through the typical questions, like "How have you solved a problem in one of your previous jobs?"
When the interview was done, I felt less relief and more ... confidence. Yeah, I think it's confidence. No guarantees, but I felt good when I e-mailed my contact at the agency and asked her for my interviewer's address so I could send a thank you note, which is what I'm supposed to do as a proper contributor to society.
Well, I was at the library when I e-mailed her, and not 15 minutes after I hit "Send" did she call me: She's going with someone else. Well, fuckin' A!!!
You know, it was probably when I honestly said no, I don't know how to do this ... program software thing she asked me about. Fuck, like I said, I am a fast learner. That wasn't impressive enough for her?
Wait ... was it that I said I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I was thinking about going back to school? She did tell me that it was a great thing and wished me luck. Was she just trying to make me feel better about myself even though she decided right then and there that she wasn't going to hire me?
And another thing: Maybe this wasn't such a great job after all. Sure, it was a three-month project with a possibility of being hired full-time. But if you have to ask how I'm going to deal with problems, then maybe these aren't problems I want to fucking deal with. Shit, I know what she's thinking, asking me I can deal with bossy faculty: Can I withstand yelling from professors? She made it sound better than it actually is. I'll have to deal with constant badgering and insults, won't I?
I knew it couldn't have been as good as I thought. And you know something, she wasn't all that great, either. First of all, nailing down a time for an interview slipped her mind a day because she telecommuted. And then, in the middle of the interview, I heard a ringtone. "It's my son's -- I took it away from him this morning!" she apologized. I didn't mind having the interview interrupted when someone forgets to turn off a phone; that shit happens all the time, people forget, it's an accident. But I'll say this now that I lost the job: If you tell me you took your son's phone away, even though I said it speaks highly of how important you think disciplining your kids are, it just shows that your domestic life is a mess. And I don't know if I want to have a supervisor's supervisor with such an unstable home life.
This job was for one of those for-profit universities -- you know, the one with the shady educational goals in conflict with making money, featuring adults who regularly default on their loans. I never can trust those for-profit schools because I don't think the education they provide is reputable, or even real. And from what I can make of my interviewer, this place I'd be working at would be a chaotic zoo. Why the fuck would I want to put up with shit like that?
Good fucking riddance. I don't give a shit if this testing job lasts only a week-and-a-half, is half an hour away and pays me two-thirds as much. At least the people I'd be working with have college degrees, and I respect them, and they treat me with respect, and it's easy, and there's no pressure (well, beyond getting the job done as quickly as possible while proving you're fast enough to continue to be hired by them). Life's too short to be stressed out at work. Fuck all this shit.
And oh, that means she ain't going to get a thank you note from me, either. What the fuck do I need to thank her for?
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Well, of course I know why I needed that job: Money. I don't have the courage to face up to it, but for this month I've charged more to my credit card than what I'm receiving in unemployment. That wasn't the plan, but that is the reality.
I think I've been good. It's just that with the desperate times I'm in now I have to be as miserly as a miser, and I can't be that. To wit: I still have free time to mosey on over to St. Paul and see if I can scoop up some blue jeans at clearance prices. I bought -- well, charged -- a pair of Polo Ralph Laurens because I've never bought Polos before.
Afterwards I e-mailed my sister, who's a fashion plate, and asked for advance on which of the availalbe brands of jeans to buy. Remember, this is after I bought the Polos, and since this is a liquidation, all sales are final. She said that she didn't know RL, so she could not recommend them. Whoops.
What she did recommend first are Levi's, and there were many of them when I went last Wednesday, over Lucky, of which I saw one which might be too small for me but I thought I'd buy some at some point because they have a store at the Mall of America and they're expensive. So, I have to make up for this "mistake" and buy more jeans.
No, I really shouldn't. But if things aren't going my way, and goddamn, if I only have till Friday (the date Macy's is closing) to buy jeans I would not be able to afford otherwise, why the fuck not? I'm feeling self-destructive. Bankruptcy isn't the worst thing in the world, is it?
ETA: That I forgot that my car's fucking acting up again and taxes are due next month. I'm screwed anyway. What's buying a new pair of jeans gonna fucking do?
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