(This Is The Blog Post I Meant To Publish Yesterday/Thursday)

This has been the toughest bracket I've wrestled with for a long time, if not ever.  On the one hand, people in the know say that this field is replete with upsets.  On the other hand, people are pointing out the advanced metrics that say Auburn, Duke, Houston and Florida are historically good, so upsets taking them out are highly improbable.

With those contrasting possibilities dancing in my head at the same time, it took me a lot of hours thinking while I went to not one but two bars to think on Wednesday.  Finally, well, I split the difference between the teams I really wanted to pick and teams I think could win, but I'm lukewarm about.  I don't know how much of my thinking will matter because some weird upset will blow one part of the bracket to hell, like it annually does to mine.  But we climb aboard this rollercoaster and see where it takes us ... even though I always crash in the end.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I need to give some love to the Loons -- mostly because I decided to go to St. Paul and watch their Game instead of seeing my alumni lose at a bar.  MNUFC spared me a night of frustration and heartache.  Instead, I got to watch my hometown side sweep and upset Real Salt Lake in their First Round Series, something I didn't think would happen this season.

Now, to be fair, both Games reached Penalty Kicks after the squads finished regular time tied (scoreless in Tuesday's Game 1 in Salt Lake City, at 1 after Game 2).  PKs are the worst tie-breakers in world sport (with the possible exception of college football, but hey, when you see Dayne St. Clair stop two shots right in your line of sight, you gotta be happy.  It's rare for a local team to win in a clutch situation.  It's also rare to see them win as an underdog.  And, now that I think about it, this is the first time MNUFC has won a playoff Game at home in front of fans (they beat The Colorado Rapids at Allianz Field in the First Round of the 2020 MLS Cup Playoffs, but that was the pandemic, so no one was there to watch them win).  So, for all those reasons (but mostly for justifying my decision to see them instead of my alma mater), I am not only putting them at the top perch of the survey, but also above negative numbers.

Now for the sucky news: Due to the International Break as well as Major League Soccer spreading out this round's Game 3's till next weekend (of which there will be four), United FC's Conference Semifinal matchup, a one-Match-only setup at The Los Angeles Galaxy, won't be played until Saturday the 23rd.  It seems as though MLS's postseason always drags on like this.  Wonder if this is one of the reasons the league is thinking about flipping its calendar to August-May, matching pretty much every other country on Earth.  I think that's a huge mistake because I don't want to be freezing my dick off in early February.  In fact, I might be forced to sell my season ticket if MLS decides to do that.

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  After some early struggles, P. J. Fleck has gotten this team to buy in and turn things around.  They beat Illinois in Champaign, 25-17, on Saturday, notching their fourth consecutive victory and reaching their E- (Eligibility) Day in early November.  Also of note: This is the first time Bret Bielema has ever lost to the U.  Ha!

And let's look over the horizon real quick: They visit flaccid Rutgers Saturday.  After a Week off, they host Penn St., who, after losing at home to Ohio St., ain't all that.  They finish up the season at Madison Black Friday, and they're not great shakes, either.  The vibes are good around the gridiron Gophers right now; why can't this team run the table and finish 9-3?  They probably won't make the College Football Playoff, but a New Year's Day Bowl probably is in the offing.  And that's why these guys are above negative numbers as well.

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -5).  This hamstrung outfit somehow has the third-most Points in the National Hockey League after sweeping all three contests they had this screening Week: At Pittsburgh (in what is Marc-Andre Fleury's final appearance at his old stomping ground), then at home over Tampa and, in Overtime, Toronto.  Kirill Kaprisov, who usually starts seasons off slow, is as hot as a two-buck pistol, and is getting very early Hart Trophy consideration.  But I like their trajectory because they just passed The Bastard North Stars to reach third place overall.

They've got a very busy week coming up. The Wild finish up their three-Game homestand Tuesday vs. Los Angeles, then go out for a quick three-Game road trip: Back-to-back at San Jose and Anaheim Thursday and Friday, then at Chicago Sunday.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  A two-Game sweep of ranked Penn St. at home over the weekend to start conference play is surely good.  And ... that's all I got to say about that.  At Wisconsin for two this weekend.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Back-to-back sweeps of the Michigan, and both on the road?  That's surely good, too.  And ... that's all I got to say about that as well.  They host the Pacific Northwest schools this weekend (that would be Washington on Thursday and tenth-ranked Oregon on Saturday afternoon).

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3).  Swept Bemidji St. in Bemidji over the weekend.  That's surely good ... but it's Bemidji St., so who cares?  At Minnesota-Duluth over the weekend.

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  Well, at least they got off the schneid and ended their two-Game losing streak by beating The Bastard Baltimore Colts in Sunday Night Football.  Still, I'm not really impressed with this club right now.  I think the Defense really wasn't tested because Indianapolis really isn't a good squad.  Moreover, I think we have seen the ceiling of what Sam Darnold can do.  He was responsible for all three Turnovers the Vikes committed (even though the Fumble was a result of the Colts defender clubbing Darnold across the facemask, which is illegal).  He has trouble making reads and opts for the home run ball when the checkdown is the much better option.

Sunday night started a three-Game stretch where they finish up the AFC South portion of their schedule.  Sunday they visit reeling and lifeless Jacksonville.  After that they visit The Bastard Houston Oilers.  Very weak competition, but they can be 8-2 by the time they play at Chicago.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Want to note that overall, it was good Week for local sports.  The seven teams above this line went undefeated, going a perfect 13-0 over the past seven Days.  And that ends here, with the Timberwolves.

Anyway, with the Wolves being firmly his team now, the evolution of Anthony Edwards continues.  He has largely abandoned the mid-range jumper he was known for, and instead has basically taken Karl-Anthony Towns's place in letting it loose from the arc.  It's a healthier shot diet, and so far, he's hitting 43.2% of them.  That's quite good.

Unfortunately it was tough sledding for these guys.  In a Western Conference Finals rematch from last Year, Dallas came into Target Center Tuesday and again beat the Woofs, 120-114.  On Friday they made a hellacious comeback to beat Denver at home.  But playing less than 24 hours later in San Antonio, older and wiser San Antonio took advantage of the club's fatigue and beat them, 113-103.

The T-Wolves have a busy Week as well.  They host Charlotte tonight/Monday night, make a quick stop in Chicago Thursday, come back to host Portland the next night, then play Miami at home Sunday.

#-7: Gopher soccer (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  I was at chilly Robbie Stadium Friday night to watch Minnesota drop their Opening Round tilt versus Penn St., on a Free Kick by Mieke Schiemann with 97 Seconds left to go in the Match.  A gut punch, no doubt; even though I was cold, I wanted to see Extra Time (and in women's college soccer, it appears as though at least the Big Ten relies on an old format of two 10-Minute Extra Time periods before heading to Penalty Kicks and, glory be praised, The Golden Goal).

While that sucked, it looks as though this has not damaged the Gophers' chances of making the NCAA Tournament, which seem to be a lock.  In fact, this bracketologist believes the U. will be part of the top half of the field that will be seeded, specifically a 6-Seed.  We'll see where, and if, Minnesota is going dancing when the 64 teams are selected and placed next Monday.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2023

A pretty good ending to last year's Hooters calendar.  I only point out four of the dozen that appear for the month, but the four are so good, I think on the whole this is better than average.  Here are the four, in ascending order:

In fourth place is Marissa, of Gainesville, Fla.  The pose is what I want to see from a Hooters waitress: Standing straight at the camera, no arms or props blocking our view of her body.  She has long, dark blonde hair and is wearing a tiger-printed two-piece bikini.  Her boobs seem to be big.  Not, like, large, but you can see her bikini top pressing her breasts like pancakes, so "big" in that sense.  The only, and I mean only, drawback against her is that she looks a bit young.  I know she has to be an adult, but she is young-looking.  That might be a good thing to some other people.

In third place is Las Vegas' Shania.  Long blond hair with dark roots; her hair cascades over her right breast, covered by a blue two-piece.  I dismissed her at first, but then the subtly great parts of this photograph came to the fore.  She did her shoot in a forest, which is different in a good way.  Moreover, she's got some wild and crazy tattoos (can't see what they are) on her right side and her bikini area.  That is fucking hot, especially for a Hooters waitress.  Rarely do you see tattoos in this calendar.

In second place is Brittany, from Mesa, Ariz.  Sporting a yellow two-piece bikini, the best thing about her is her cascading red hair.  I'm a sucker for a redhead.  Oh, and her big (and probably fake) tits are nice, too.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Lindsey, hailing from Merrillville, Ind.  Long blonde hair, she is wearing an orange-and-blue-halved two-piece.  She's also wearing that ... thing that's like a shirt, except that only the sleeves and the very top portion around her neck is there.  Wearing it, it looks like she is lifting up a shirt to reveal her bikini top.  That's an illusion that I love.  Oh, and she's got piercing blue eyes as well.  Plus, there's an underdog status to her -- both as a Hooters girl from Merrillville, Ind. (which is part of the sprawling Chicagoland metroplex) and as a Main Girl; to me, the best picture for a month usually isn't from the woman with the biggest picture that month, so in a sense, this is an upset.

So congratulations to Lindsey and all the aforementioned Hooters waitresses for finishing out 2023 in style.  No worries -- I already touched myself to all of ya!!!!

2022 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4

Record, Round 3: 5-7

Overall Record: 18-23-1

Total Outlay, Round 3: $1,500.00

Total Intake, Round 3: $1,898.55

Total Gain, Round 3: $398.55

Overall Winnings: $1,055.13

For the past several years now, if I am making money, I am doing so despite making more bad bets than good.  Such is the case for 2022.  Duke getting inspired in taking out tough Texas Tech Thursday, then Iowa St. disappearing in the Second Half and thus getting wiped out by Miami (Fla.) Friday, was the one bet that destroyed each of my three three-leg parlays.  And yet both of my Moneyline wagers came through.  Houston got me back some money.  St. Peter's, God bless them, got me back a shit-ton of money.  And that is a major reason why I am up more than a grand despite being under .500 in bets.

---

Not too many bets left I can make, of course.  Slingshot does not think the two Giant Killer situations will yield a good chance for the underdog(s) to win.  And I don't see Austin Mock's, uh, betting mock-ups anywhere.  So I'm betting on guile and instinct:

1) Houston -2 1/2 (and remember that the Cougars are the 5-Seed and the foe, Villanova, is the 2-Seed.  Houston has looked like the most impressive, and scariest, team in the bracket, and while the Wildcats have been poised throughout their run, this feels as though Houston's gonna maul them) $100

2) St. Peter's +8 1/2 (I'm not going to concur with others and say that the Peacocks' run is The Greatest Underdog Run In Recorded Sport.  At least not yet.  Five 11-Seeds have reached the Final Four; they do that and they'll get serious consideration.  The lowest seed to win it all was Villanova '85, defeating Georgetown in that historic title Game as an 8-Seed.  The 'Cocks do that, then ... well, there's Leicester City winning the English Premier League that Year, but it'll be one of the five greatest underdog stories ever.  But I am rooting like hell for them.  Can they hang, or even beat, North Carolina?  Sure.  I have thoughts of Davidson and Steph Curry hanging with Kansas in that Regional Final, you know?) $100

3) Both parlayed together, for $50.

Good luck!

OK, Sunday evening, instead of checking ESPN Streak, I was watching TV, scrolling through my phone and trying to fall asleep.  There were a couple horse races that night that I could have played on.  I did my research that afternoon, and I decided that if I had remembered and had the energy to open up my laptop, I would pick on one or even both races.  But, like with all things ultimately not important, it slipped my mind.

Either late that night or the next day I checked.  Damn, I would have been right on both.  I didn't really lose anything; I was sitting on a one-Game winning streak that would have stretched to three.  But that was a bummer because I would have been right on both races.  And by the way, I would have been right on both races despite being in the minority in both races.  That would have been extra strokes to my ego.

But, alas, I was too lazy to care.

Just wanted to say this, just for the record.

Conflict Day #2

This should be a fun day, and I think it will be, and I think I eventually will enjoy myself.  But it's going to be a busy one, and it's filled with conflicts that I would have preferred not to face.

This morning, in about six hours or so (shit, I should go to sleep), I am going to Cedar-Riverside (hopefully; depends on parking and the crowd) for the Women's World Cup Final.  The U.S. is an extraordinary favorite, which scares me, because I think the Netherlands can park the bus and squeeze out either a counterattack Goal or send the game to Penalty Kicks.  We are brimming with too much confidence.  Either way, I'm going to see the game and hopefully see a win with allies.

After that I go to the inaugural 3M Open, barely 15 minutes away from home.  I'm not a fan of the sun, so I am prepared (for the first time this season) to wear both sunscreen and bug spray.  But the novelty of seeing a PGA Tour for the first time in my life, and at a golf course so close to home, forces me to go and risk heat stroke (even though the humidity has come down from earlier in the week) and potentially huge crowds to see this event.  I will be missing the Copa America Final between Brazil and Peru, but you only get to see a first once, you know?

And besides, there is another final, the Gold Cup Final between the United States men and Mexico, that evening.  In retrospect, seeing the 3M Open (and being out of the house) is a good thing for me.  I might be able to survive waiting around three hours before the Copa America championship, and really, once the U.S. men won its Semifinal versus Jamaica, the Gold Cup title game was going to be more important.  This way, I can go from the golf course to ... well, I shouldn't go home ... I'll either exercise or take a nap in my car, then go to a place (maybe the American Outlaws hangout in downtown Minneapolis?) to watch that Match at 8.

Regardless, this is an echo of what happened two weeks ago.  Then, an obligation precluded me from seeing golf.  Now, golf is precluding me from seeing soccer.  Wait -- now that I typed that it doesn't look as profound as it sounded in my head.  Maybe I should go to bed now.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Cody Parkey

I found myself rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles in tonight's Wild Card game versus the Chicago Bears because I inherently root for the underdog.  But then I remembered: Isn't this the same team that bounced my Vikings in last year's NFC Championship Game, whose fans then stiffed the Twin Cities on tips on their way to winning the Super Bowl in our home stadium back in February?  Well, at least the Vikings didn't lose, so I can't be dejected any more.

Who is dejected?  Chicago Bears Kicker Cody Parkey, who did this:

He not only missed four kicks in a win over the Detroit Lions, he hit the upright all four times. He hit again once last week in beat my Vikes here. And then this. And a double doink at that. Six missed kicks, seven doinks.

I'm glad the Bears lost -- either way I'm glad a team lost -- but I still have to feel for Cody Parkey, who was mercilessly booed off the field and has had Bird Box memes tweeted about him. So everybody, say it with me now:

Poor Bastard.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Holy shit, I never would believe this would happen.

This week has capped off a series of glorious firsts for the Loons, so I don't know where to start.  Well, I'll start with this first milestone: They went 2-0 in a screening week for the first time on the survey.  After getting upbraided by Head Coach Adrian Heath for almost giving away the game against Real Salt Lake on the 14th, the squad gutted out a 2-1 victory Wednesday over New England.

But the big result, the near miracle, happened last/Sunday night.  LAFC (I prefer to refer to them as Laugh-See -- see what I did there?) came into town second in the Western Conference.  In a league where there are enough loopholes to put a lie into the salary cap which is supposed to be a bedrock of the single-entity system, LAFC is not an expansion team.  In fact, they are one of the best teams money can buy.  I hate moral victories, but given the Loons' recent spate of good play -- discounting that humiliating 2-1 friendly loss to Deportivo Saprissa, they have yet to lose at home in July -- I was OK if they had lost only by a score of 1-0.  A draw was unheard-of to me.  A win against those guys?  Huh, you're smokin' some good shit, aren't ya?

But goddamn, what the hell was that?  Not only did MNUFC take it to 'em, they won.  And not only did United win, but they beat the hell out of Laugh-See.  5-1?!?!?!  No, I did not see that coming.  It was very nice to see players who usually do not figure into the scoresheet contribute to the five Goals.  Rasmus Schuller scored the first Goal for United, and Erin Miller assisted on one.  The turning point of the match occurred just before Halftime, when Christian Ramirez and Darwin Quintero broke a 1-1 deadlock with Goals a minute apart, Quintero's coming just before the whistle.  I was afraid that LAFC was going to mount a comeback in the Second Half, but the defense buckled down.  And when Miguel Ibarra and Ramirez scored (for the second time) two minutes apart, the opposing team just shut 'er down and checked out of the match.  Lucky for the home team!

There were many superlatives achieved during the match.  The five Goals are the most this side has racked up in their short tenure in Major League Soccer.  They have won three matches in a row for the first time in their time in MLS.  They have extended their overall home winning streak to four.  And, anecdotally, even though Matthew Doyle of MLS.com gives the nod to their 3-2 road win versus Atlanta, I believe that this is the biggest win MNUFC has had in their brief stint in MLS.

It could not have come at a better time.  There have been bigger crowds, but -- and this is just a feeling -- there were a lot of newcomers in the 22,739 who came out to TCF Bank Stadium to watch this match.  I can tell you that a group of over a dozen family members (some of them total babes, by the way) were sitting near me.  One of them confessed that this was her first-ever Loons game she watched in person.  They were able to watch a win, which is a good thing.  But moreover, these guys beat a team that on paper has a decisive advantage in talent.  On top of that they routed them, totally kicked their asses.  And it is in that environment where, for the first time maybe since they crushed D.C. United at home 4-0 last year, the crowd could relax and really belt out the chants that soccer matches are known for.  People all over the stadium (at least in my section of TCF Bank) were belting out "M!  N!  U-F-C!" and the "Black And Blue" chant at points during the game.  And I don't remember seeing so many people raise their scarves and sing the chorus to "Wonderwall" so loudly before.  This is a landmark victory on the pitch, a high that proves how much this franchise, even as an underdog, can achieve if they deploy the right pieces and tactics.  Therefore, this is a milestone for the organization off it.  Every one who was at last night's game, I can assure you, will want to come to another one, either this season or in one of the seasons at Allianz Field.  I think last night's win was that pivotal for Minnesota United FC -- the business as well as the team.

Oh, and by the way, as of press time the Loons now sit seventh in the West, only two Points behind Salt Lake City for the final playoff spot.  But now they turn to a road-heavy portion of their schedule.  It was imperative for this team to defend home turf if they want any chance of sniffing the postseason.  But they've got to claim some points on the road, too, and they have a chance to do just that Saturday when they visit the Vancouver Whitecaps, a side that sits just two Points behind them.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  They return from the All-Star Break (Jose Berrios pitched a scoreless Fifth Inning in the All-Star Game -- good) by promptly getting swept at the second-worst team in all of Major League Baseball, the Kansas City Royals.

This is how shitty it got.  It was 2-all in yesterday's (Sunday's) game in the bottom of the seventh.  Two gone but two on for Catcher, and former Twin, Drew Butera.  He's batting well below the Mendoza Line -- .168 as it stands after the game.  No wonder he's batting ninth.  Trevor Hildenberger gave Butera a 2-2 pitch down and in, and Butera was able to lift it to Right-Center Field.  CF Jake Cave, a guy I'd praised for his jolt of energy in the past, tried to dive for it and end the inning, but he missed and the goddamn ball rolled all the way to the wall.  Butera -- remember, he's hitting less than .200 ... oh, and he's slow as fuck, too -- was able to chug all the way around for an Inside-The-Park Home Run, and K.C. took the sweep, 5-3.  And that's why I skipped 0 and put these guys in negative numbers.  Yep, these Twinks have to be sellers now.

Eeesh ... three at Toronto and then four in Boston.  The Blue Jays are below .500 but God, this club could be in tatters this time next week.

#-2: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  My God.  I was passing by Hooters MOA yesterday afternoon when I looked at the TV and saw the breaking news on the crawl: Vikings Offensive Line Coach Tony Sparano died yesterday morning at the age of just 56.  He went to the hospital complaining about chest pains on Thursday, but after taking test, he was released Friday.  He and his wife were preparing to go to church Sunday morning, but she found him unconscious and he wasn't able to be revived.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Sparano family.  Also, my thoughts go out to the Vikings.  The offensive line turned into a major weakness towards the end of last season, and yet I cannot fathom how that unit is going to come together in the wake of the untimely and undeserved death of their position coach.  Maybe this becomes a rallying point for them.

Expenses Without Receipt

OK, starting from Friday, May 4:

• The first of two big parties for the week.  This was at ******s's place, the one who sexted me her big ass.  I fucked her as much as I could, but two days after blowing my wad, I couldn't cum the conventional way, so I had to just jerk myself off onto her tits and vaginal area.  It still was good.  There were several other girls there, but I only got a quick lapper from ****a, who understood it wasn't her time to go into the bed with her, because the last time I was at ******s's party, I took ****a to the back.  There was another girl who I met, clothed, at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  I remember promising on Facebook to get an LD from her, but I didn't know she was there.  Well, either that or I didn't know her stripper name, so I was surprised she was there, although on Messenger she did say she thought she was going to be working ******s's party.  I totally forgot that until I decided to leave.  I would have given more money, but the fucking cover was $20 and I had to tip the doorwoman, *a***, who is eight months pregnant and, I believe, drank a glass of wine while I was there.  Total: $165.
• Back to Wednesday the 2nd, which is about a week after my niece's birthday.  I feel really bad that I can't see her as often as I should, and I think that giving her fits is a way to remind her that, you know, she has an uncle who cares for her.  I asked my sister-in-law for advice and she said either a board game or a book.  I quickly decided on Corduroy, the classic book about the bear.  The evening after I gave my sister-in-law her daughter's gift, she texted me back video of my niece opening up the gift ... well, trying to.  I had it wrapped at the only mall I know that can wrap gifts.  And apparently the worker was so good at it that of the 3 1/2 minutes of the video, all but a minute of it was my niece and her mom trying to unwrap the gift.  But in the end, that smile and her saying my name melts my heart.  It's funny: She knows who I am, yet back on Christmas Eve, when I visited her, she wouldn't get near me.  Is she so spoiled that the only way to get into her good graces is to bribe her with gifts?  If so ... yeah, maybe I'll do it.  I got Corduroy at Barnes & Noble, so I have a receipt.  But I don't have a receipt for the gift-wrapping, so I'll record it here: $4.50.
• I bought this on this date, even though I am kind of late for my niece's birthday gift, because it was in the same city as my first party of the week.  I noted all my exploits here.  With cover: $195.
• Let's take it back to Sunday, April 29, where I started my day at Caffetto, where I thought I would be there for a while, then realized I shouldn't.  Hot chocolate plus tip equals: $3.75.
• I remembered that the Big Ten Women's Tennis Tournament Final was being held at the Baseline Tennis Center at the U.  It was a way to burn a couple hours, but that meant that the other things I wanted to do, namely get a haircut and go to the library to make some copies, I had to find the time for.  So I made a reservation at Great Clips for a haircut, which was being sold for nine bucks from Thursday till Monday, and jetted to the Quarry.  And just in time, too; the woman who buzzed my hair said that there would be a rush of people coming in from church.  I was there a half-hour, max, thank goodness.  Cost with tip: $1211.99.
• So this was the first tennis event I ever went to.  Going in was free; the U. just opened up the gates and there I was, at eight tennis courts on a plot of land that, a quarter-century ago, was a parking lot.  I really had no idea what to expect.  All I knew was this was the title match between Northwestern and Michigan.  In the end, the 2-seed Wolverines upset the top-seeded Wildcats by winning the final two singles matches to finish.  I was right in front of the Wolverines player after she put away Championship Point; if I were a photographer, I would have had the perfect vantage point of her teammates rushing from background to foreground to mob #2 player.  I'm glad I went.  I just wish I put on some sunscreen and/or realized that I would be there for 3 1/2 hours, because I got a sunburn on the left side of my face, head and neck.  This EWR is for the program I bought: $5.
• Jetted to the library after the tennis matches.  I don't think I printed anything out, but I was pressing as shit just before the library closed because there was a line of people using the only two copy machines in the library, and one of them wasn't working, or so I thought.  At a quarter or ten to 5, I got the two copies of forms related to filling out this claim form for (potentially) applying for compensation money as part of a stock settlement regarding Facebook.  Total of: 20 cents.
• Saturday the 28th ... I went to the Twins game.  I got to start either thinking about snappy comebacks against asshole scalpers or avoid them altogether.  No goddamn way he was able to sell that ticket for what he wanted for it, bojanglin' slapdick.  But his loss was the organization's gain.  Sitting in the Center Field bleachers made me realize how hot the sun is even in late April.  On my way in I was given two free samples of yogurt.  I was told I could take them into the ballpark.  And then I decided I wanted a hot dog and a souvenir-sized Coke, because I thought I was too skinny.  So the total cost for the ticket, the hot dog and the big Pepsi came out to ... a very reasonable: $30.
• After the game I went up the street to my alma mater's spot for watching football games.  Wanted to pop in there to keep up relations, and to have a place to go before going to the United match.  Just a bottle of Bud Light, since it was Happy Hour.  Plus tip: $3.75.
• At the MNUFC game I had my usual: A hot dog and a Redd's.  Total: $15.25.
• After the win (and again I was surprised I went to two games on this day and saw the home team win both; that, seriously, never fucking happens) I went to Glam Doll to celebrate.  Got a free donut this time around.  With tip: $9.25.
• Reeling back to Wednesday, April 25, where I went to the library to print some stuff out for Mother.  Total: 20 cents.
• On Sunday the 22nd I ate at McDonald's for the first time in many a moon.  Don't remember which Mickey D's or why, but I took advantage of their value menu.  I like trying new, more expensive items, but eating a cheeseburger, small fries and a small Coke is more then enough of a lunch for me these days.  Lunch set me back: $3.97.
• I then went to the library to type out some letters for Mother, I think.  But three?  How come?  Probably because when I printed out my first letter I forgot to put something in, and then I remembered I had to put something in a second time.  Dammit.  Total of: 30 cents.

It's been only a dozen days, but I thought I would have a hell of a lot more EWRs to note.  I don't.  Phew!  Good through May 4.

Why The Fuck Do I Do This To Myself?

My Final Four picks for this men's basketball tournament were Tennessee, Gonzaga, Purdue, and Duke.

Tennessee got pipped by a last-second jump shot by Loyola-Chicago, which is still alive and headed to San Antonio as a true Cinderella, and Godspeed, truly, to them.

Gonzaga got bulldozed by a Florida St. squad that was defensively deficient.  And yet, some time on Wednesday, I had the Seminoles going to the Sweet Sixteen after knocking of Xavier.  But I changed my mind and named Missouri as the one who would do the honors of upsetting the defensively even more deficient Musketeers and advance to the Regional Semifinals instead.  It's one of those 8/9 games which usually don't count in the long run but, because I am in a field with hundreds of people, if I ever were to get in the money, 8/9 matchups, which usually get blitzed in the Round of 32 by the region's #1 seed, will be the difference in, oh, hundreds of dollars.

Purdue was going well until Isaac Haas fractured his elbow.  It's rare that a team's fortune in The Big Dance is dashed due to injury, but once I heard that it was highly unlikely that Haas, the Boilermakers' Center, would be out for the rest of the tourney, I metaphorically pissed my pants.  They survived Butler, their Second Round opponent, but got ganked by Texas Tech in the Regional Semifinal.  (By the way, a tournament where Florida St., Texas Tech and Kansas St. all reached the Elite Eight is a strange tournament indeed.)

And Duke, fuck!  I really wanted to see the 60 Minutes interview with porn star Stormy Daniels, but I didn't want to see the Kansas-Duke Regional Final at all.  But since my parents were ready to eat and I didn't want to miss the beginning of the interview and, well, since the game was getting close, I had to watch.  Well, fuck, I was bad luck because I started watching with the Blue Devils holding a lead and, with a series of turnovers and missed shots, the Jayhawks tied it at the end of regulation and then won the fucking game in Overtime.

With that loss, I am done for the NCAA Tournament.  I failed to pick any team in the Final Four.  And when it was clear that Dook was going to lose, I got up from the dinner table to go to my room and thumb through my clipboard, where I have a couple of my brackets from years past.  I don't remember getting one Final Four team right last year, and I didn't.  I couldn't find 2016, but I'm sure I didn't that year, either.  I had to go back to 2015 where I correctly picked one, and thankfully, that year I actually picked two.

But assuming I didn't get one right in 2016, that means that for the past three years I didn't get any Final Four team.  At all.  That meant I finished way out of the money for the big bracket, where I chip in $20, or the small pool, where I just have to select the Final Four teams, where I chip in $5.  That's $25 for picks that were completely off.  And I've basically thrown $25 down the drain three years in a row.

And once I looked through my clipboard, it hit me: Why the fuck do I do this to myself?  I'm terrible at this!  Sure, I won the small bracket once, but that was, like, 15 years ago.  The feeling I get about this, which I think is contrary to all the other people who play these pools with me, is similar to my contrarian point-of-view when it comes to other forms of gambling.  People just plop in some money for these brackets and go, "What the hell," and if they win money, great, and if they lose money, hey, so what.  I'm not that type of guy.  There is no joy in losing money, period.  And that I haven't even been close to the money the past three years, well ... it makes me reconsider why in the hell am I even playing.  I've been doing this for about two decades now, so maybe I'm feeling this way because I just turned 42, but pissing away money like this has gotten pretty fucking old.

I've been thinking like this for three days now, and I feel just as turned off now as I did once Duke lost.  So I'm seriously wondering if I should even play at all next season.  I mean, why should I torture myself like this again?  It seems like every goddamn year my anticipation for March Madness quickly curdles into "I hate this fucking tournament" once I lose, like, six of my last eight teams over the course of an evening.  That's not fun at all.  And yet it feels as though I've been going through this cycle of masochism a lot, especially the last few years.  If the intent is to actually win one of these fucking pools, maybe I shouldn't toss my money into the sewer like this.

So I wonder if I could, or should, take a one-year sabbatical from The Big Dance.  A year's remove from losing in the NCAA Tournament, and all its intended anxiety and anger, might do me good.  And who knows, maybe that will convince me to make the sabbatical permanent.  At the very least it would save me $25 a year.

2018 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4

Record, Round 3: 6-2
Overall Record: 24-20
Outlay, Round 3: $700.00
Returns, Round 3: $1,327.55
Gain, Round 3: $627.55
Overall Gain: $812.64

You know, maybe I should extend this dream vacation in Las Vegas out to Round 3.  I don't remember having such success in the Sweet Sixteen, but I bet on four underdogs, and all four of them came through.  I can't recall a time where the underdogs have bit so hard in a tournament, which probably means that contrary to at least one advanced metric study before The Big Dance began, the topsy-turvy parity that riddled the college basketball regular season does indeed carry over to the tourney as well.

I got semi-lucky in that Clemson was able to close enough against Kansas to cover its +5.  That fulfilled the two-leg parlay with Texas Tech +1 1/2.  Moreover, I took the Red Raiders over Purdue Moneyline, and unfortunately for my real brackets and picks, they took it to the Boilermakers.  (This shows that I should fade my own picks on every turn; in other words, the only Anti-Picks I should Anti-Pick are my own Anti-Picks.)  My only miss was the Tigers beating the Jayhawks outright, which ruined my other two-legger.  But that only sunk $100.  I hit on everything else, which gave me a huge profit that increased my bankroll, thank Buddha.

---

I saw once that the Elite Eight is where the favorites finally assert themselves.  Does that still hold true in The Most Level Season In College Basketball History?

Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:

1) Loyola-Chicago +1 (I can't fucking believe that one regional final pits the 9-seed against the 11-.  That's bullshit.  But hey, congratulations to the Ramblers, whose efficiency numbers proved that they indeed are a dog live enough to make it this far, and possibly even farther!  At +1 against Kansas St. [and can you goddamn believe that Kansas St. could be a Final Four team?], why not take them Against The Spread ...) $100

2) Loyola-Chicago M/L ... uh, -1 (???) (... and Straight-Up?) $50

3) Michigan -3 1/2 (Also, can you goddamn believe that Florida St. could be a Final Four team, too?  But this is a game where I'm going for the favorite.  I should have taken the Wolverines in this region.  They are destroying teams right now, and I think the Seminoles will be nothing more than a speedbump as well) $100

4) Kansas +3 (The only good thing about my busted bracket now is that I still have Duke going all the way.  Which totally means that they will lose in the regional final to a Kansas club that took a hell of a long time to get their shit together) $100

5) Kansas M/L +135 (And by the way, I don't remember the last time one of my picks has reached the Final Four.  I swear it's been at least three seasons since I was smart enough to choose a team that won its region.  I am terrible at this IRL) $50

6) Parlay 1) with 4), for $100.

7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $50.

Good luck!

2018 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 3

Record, Round 2: 9-2
Overall Record: 18-18
Outlay, Round 2: $1,000.00
Returns, Round 2: $1,796.28
Gain, Round 2: $796.28
Overall Gain: $185.09

First of all, I must apologize for the typos regarding the double Butler picks, namely that I typed "$200" twice when typing the Against The Spread pick and then not even putting in a line nor an amount for the odds wager.  I could say I was drunk, but I blogged that Saturday morning, before I was headed out to the MNUFC Pre-Match at Surly, so I had my attention focused elsewhere.  My conventional practice has always been that the amount I bet on the Straight-Up bet is always half of the ATS bet.  So, for 4), Butler Moneyline, the wager was supposed to be $100.

That Butler M/L bet is one of only two bets that I lose in Round 2.  As I said last week, I use the surviving teams' performance in Round 1 to inform me for my fake wagers in Round 2.  But I noticed a contradiction: I had said that I have wised up from my underdog fetish in previous years, and yet all my wagers were on the dog.  I would like to not think I'm falling back into old habits.  But in my defense, you have to admit that this college basketball regular season has been the wildest ever.  Also, convention holds that upsets really start occurring in the Round of 32, after The Big Dance has shaken off most of its low- and mid-major Automatic Qualifiers.

So, thinking back on my thought process when looking at the lines last week, I really liked the underdogs.  Didn't notice it until writing this, but of the 16 games in Round 2, I bet the dog on eight of them and the favorite on none of them.  I won all but one of them, all but Marshall over West Virginia.  (I did get lucky in that Seton Hall and Butler were wins because of the half-point hook.)  And I parlayed four of those dogs into a pair of two-leg parlays and I won both, which might be the first time I won more than one parlay in an Anti-Pick blog post ever.

Without looking back on it in previous years, I swear that Round 2 has been my most successful round.  I also think that my tendency to pick underdogs has been consistent in Round 2.  Therefore, unless I'm recalling incorrectly, you can almost count on underdogs winning you money in the Round of 32.  In fact, it feels like shooting fish in a barrel.  I have half a mind to, next year, ask my parents if I could use their condo in Las Vegas, take off for Vegas as soon as I'm done with work Friday afternoon, bet, clean house, go to a Wells Fargo branch Monday morning to deposit all my winnings, and fly back just before rush hour Monday afternoon.  I'd miss one day of work and more than make up for it.

(What I should avoid, however, is playing underdogs SU.  I know I loved doing that in the past, and I got burned so much that I've learned to stop picking them.  I still tried my hand on one this time around -- the Butler pick which I did not fully write out.  I was worried that the advanced metrics would come through for the Bulldogs and upset Purdue, one of my Final Four picks, but alas, even without Isaac Haas, the Boilermakers came through, albeit without covering.  Of the eight underdog wagers I made, that team outright won four of them -- tantalizing enough for me to think about making a real odds bet, but hopefully not enough to convince me I should.)

This huge weekend got me roaring into positive territory, something I hope to ride in Round 3.

---

The difference between odd rounds and even rounds it that, in the tournament's current format, you play the even games only two days after the odd ones.  Players aren't as fresh and coaches don't have as much time breaking down film, spotting tendencies and devising plans to beat the other team.  All of that is mitigated when you're coming off the weekend.  That makes me believe that favors the, uh, favored team.  So why am I being pulled toward the underdogs again?  Uh-oh.

Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:

1) Florida St. +6 (Gonzaga is another Final Four team I have.  Scared as heck that I'll lose the Bulldogs to a Seminoles squad that is deficient defensively) $100

2) Texas Tech +1 1/2 (The Red Raiders are playing Purdue, so once again I foretell doom.  In fact, I'm going to Best Bet this ...) $100

3) Texas Tech M/L +108 (... and then wager on them SU) $50

4) Syracuse +11 1/2 (That is one hell of a line, and you could understand it, seeing as the Orange is playing Duke.  But the 2-3 Zone has perplexed both TCU and Michigan St., and even though Mike Kryzyweski has had five days to plan and practice for it, I'm scared as hell that Jim Boeheim's defense has struck fear throughout the tournament.  I won't bet on them to win, but I'll bet some money that they'll make this a game) $150

5) Clemson +5 (Didn't think the Tigers would get this far.  But I also thought Kansas would be upset by Seton Hall.  This Jayhawks team isn't that good, so I think there's decent value to Best Betting the Tigers here ...) $100

6) Clemson M/L +185 (... and then picking them SU, just a little) $50

7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $100.

8) Parlay 3) with 6), for $50.

Good luck!

2019 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2

Record, Round 1: 9-16

Outlay, Round 1: $2,250.00

Returns, Round 1: $1,638.81

Loss, Round 1: $611.19

I didn't realize how much fake money I laid out for Round 1.  I was struck by how close I was to either winning or losing several picks this Round.  While I just got under spreads for Davidson and San Diego St, I missed by the hook on South Dakota St., Providence and Georgia St.  Meanwhile, I would have nailed my first-ever five-leg parlay if not for Murray St. completely pooping out against West Virginia.

---

I've noticed something.  I went 23-9 for Round 1 in my bracket.  I lost one of my Eight (that one being Virginia, and everyone with common sense lost the Cavaliers -- and by the way, how about that, huh?  Go UMBC!) and four of my Sixteen, but that is very good compared to years past.  I think I've learned to control my fetish for underdogs.  But Round 2 is nut-cutting time, where it basically is 50/50 whether your pick is the right one.  That gaudy record above is going to fritter away.  And my bracket could still be busted, like it has at this stage last year and the year before that and the year before that.

But for my Anti-Picks it's the other way around.  I throw so much crap wagers in Round 1 that I usually am in a massive hole.  But I learn from the performances from the surviving teams and use that to make better bets in Round 2 and beyond.  Hopefully that holds to form this year.

I am forced to switch to Doc's Sports for these odds because, per usual, they at least have some odds in this short turnaround when Covers doesn't:

1) Loyola-Chicago +5 1/5 $50

2) Seton Hall +4 1/2 $100

3) Butler + 3 1/2 $200 (I hope I'm wrong on this; I have Purdue going to the Final Four.  But the Bulldogs statistically is seen as underseeded and the Boilermakers are playing without their Center, Isaac Haas, who's out for the tourney with a fractured elbow.  So I will Best Bet this ...) $200

4) Butler M/L + (... and then play them to beat Purdue Straight-Up)

5) Syracuse +8 $100

6) Nevada +7 $100

7) UMBC +11 $100

8) Florida St. +5 /12 $100

9) Marshall +12 $50

10) Parlay 2) with 6) for $50.

11) Parlay 5) with 8), for $50.

Good luck!

Poor Bastard Of The Moment (Which, Actually, Was Almost Two Months Ago): Claudio Ranieri (Scheduled Post)

He is the Manager who guided Leicester City, a small English Premier League club that had and was thought to permanently be fighting to stay in the top-flight EPL, to the 38-game regular season championship last year.  It may be The Greatest Upset In The History Of Recorded Sport, maybe even bigger than the Miracle On Ice, because the Foxes had to prove their worthiness game after game, and not just in some one-off playoff.  It was, simply, brilliant, and a reminder that, truly, Anything Can Happen.

And then Leicester was what people thought they were this year.  They were so bad that they were just one point above relegation, and being relegated as defending champs would have been humiliating, if not unprecedented.  Ranieri tried to preach patience, but the Foxes faithful and ownership, believing that one historic title meant that they could ask, "But what you have you done for me lately?" finally did what I think is unbelievable: They fired Ranieri on February 23, about nine months after guiding them to The Promised Land.

This bullshit happens all the time in the EPL.  For example, Chelsea, the year after winning the EPL in 2015, sacked their Manager, Jose Mourinho, but that was a bit more justified because he went batshit crazy that year.  Plus, it's Chelsea, a powerhouse club which is expected to win championships.  They can grind through Managers like it's a sausage maker because they have enough players and money to compete regardless of who's in the technical area.

But this is Leicester City, where the ultimate glory isn't expected and probably will never be seen again.  I don't care if the Foxes were relegated all the way down The Pyramid to Level 22; if Claudio Ranieri was in charge when the side accomplished the impossible, he gets to stay in charge for as long as he damn well pleases.  He can be demented, in a chair, relegated to eating pureed peas and shitting twice an hour -- he gets to stay as Manager!  And if the players suddenly turned their backs on the man who gave them a title no one saw coming, which is what I think happened here, fire the players, not the Manager.

Unfortunately, what I still think was a rash decision has paid off handsomely.  Interim Manager Craig Shakespeare guided this team to five straight EPL wins and the Quarterfinals of the Champions League before getting eliminated.  As of press time they're in twelfth place -- no chance to repeat as EPL champs (that should go to Chelsea), but ensuring another year in top-flight with each passing Matchday.

After Leicester City cemented the EPL title last year I went to their website to see if I could purchase their jersey.  I so wanted to be a part of that history.  They were sold out.  Now, I don't give a damn about them.  A Manager does something that'll never be seen again, and this is the goddamn thanks he gets?!

Poor Bastard.

March Madness Anti-Picks -- Round 5

Record, Round 4: 1-1
Overall Record: 19-25-1
Total Outlay, Round 4: $100.00
Total Winnings, Round 4: $95.45
Loss, Round 4: $4.55
Overall Gain: $489.58

First of all, this will be my last time bitching about my bracket.  Going from 13-of-16 to 0-for-4, losing all two key picks late (Wisconsin and Kentucky) will do that to you.  I still am asking myself why in the hell do I continue to think I can actually win money thinking I've got this tournament solved, when I never do?  Hell, I still can't pick the Final Four teams!

Why?  Because when I make fake picks, I do alright.  My second and third rounds were fantastic, which is the reason why I have so much bankroll.  The Regional Finals were a hiccup.  I never should have thought that South Carolina was going to beat Florida by preventing them from scoring; although it is not characteristic of them, the Gamecocks have scored so much that 70 is the fewest number of points they have scored in their four games of The Big Dance.  And while that damn dagger by North Carolina ended any real money I could make, I was still assured that I would win money on the Wildcats +2 1/2.  I lost money in Round 4 only because of the vigorish -- $4.55.

---

I don't have to make bets.  If I were in Vegas I had this profit, I would just leave and enjoy the money I made.  But one of the National Semifinals is too good for me to pass up:

1) South Carolina +6 1/2 (One final underdog to play, maybe, because the advanced metrics demand it.  In fact, this particular matchup appears in a recent edition of ESPN The Magazine.  In their annual (and increasingly shrinking) Giant Killers piece, Gonzaga is targeted as the type of team that can be exploited due to its generic nature, specifically their lack of excellence on the glass and when it comes to keeping possession of the ball.  The story names a team that can take advantage of those relative weaknesses: South Carolina.  The Bulldogs are still favored to win, so the Gamecocks will have to get rebounds and turn the ball over in order to win.  But the ability for them to do those two things is there, at least based on the personalities and statistics of the two teams before the tournament.  And I feel as though the Gamecocks are going to pull that off.  So I will bet on this game both Against The Spread ...) $100

2) South Carolina M/L +228 (... and Straight-Up) $50

Good luck!

Why The Fuck Do I Do This To Myself? (Scheduled Post)

The only way -- the only way -- I was going to be able to make any money off of the big bracket pool I'm a part of was for Kentucky to keep winning.  If they lost, either on Sunday or even in Saturday's Final Four, I'm fucked.  But if kept winning, I would be in the money, and potentially a lot of money.

But I still couldn't chance it.  I was at a Buffalo Wild Wings trying to concentrate on the Notre Dame-Massachusetts-Lowell regional final instead of the Wildcats' Elite 8 matchup vs. North Carolina on the big screen next to it.  I really, really wanted to see the hockey game, but goddammit, I couldn't help but be riveted to the opening tipoff of what came to be my make-or-break basketball game.  So around the time I had to go home for dinner, and after the River Hawks scored the go-ahead goal in the Third Period, I left B-Dubs, went home, was lucky to just watch the news alongside my parents for dinner, then went to my bedroom and fell asleep.

(By the way, I didn't catch the conclusion of the hockey game.  But Notre Dame tied the game up a few minutes after Mass-Lowell scored and won in Overtime to advance to the Frozen Four.)

I actually managed to not come across the result of the South Regional Final through Monday morning.  Stayed off of sports websites and Twitter, and I managed to dodge what looked to be status updates from my college basketball friends on my Facebook Feed.  I usually read the sports pages whenever I need to take a brain break from my test scoring place, but Monday I avoided them.  (Ironically, there were, like, two separate copies of both Twin Cities papers on Monday.  Usually when I go there wanting to read the sports section, I can't find one.)

However, I knew at some point I would be spoiled as to the result.  I figured it would be after work at Victory 44, a place that serves a great hamburger but has a TV at the bar I thought would be tuned to ESPN.  And if it's not that, I think that I would have to know about it by Saturday, either through friends telling me I'm still in this thing or, at the very least, doing my Anti-Picks for the Final Four.

I braced myself that I would eventually know, but I decided that, if for no other reason than the administrator for either pool I'm in needs to talk to me about something, I might as well be a man and, if not actively seek out the score, not avoid it when I went through my Twitter and/or Facebook when the news popped up.  Actually I did avoid the first couple of tweets, but I figured it out when, of all things, LG had a sponsored tweet congratulating, sigh, North Carolina on winning by showing a captured GIF of its mascot, Ramses, opening up one of LG's new fridge with see-through doors.

I don't even get one of my Final Four picks right.  I had Duke, West Virginia, Kansas and Kentucky.  The Blue Devils got upset by South Carolina in the second round, the Mountaineers failed to hold off Gonzaga in the Sweet 16, the Jayhawks get their doors blown off by Oregon in the Regional Final, and now the Tar Heels.  Not even one???

I looked at my place in the huge pool.  After Friday, after Wisconsin snatched defeat from the jaws of victory against Florida, I actually rose in the standings.  But that went to shit after the KU upset, and once UK lost, my bracket was completely fucking broken.  I checked the standings after all was revealed; I'm currently in the 90's, and I'm probably going to fall even further.  This year may not turn out to be my best finish ever in that pool after all.

Combine that with my embarrassing 0-fer in my frenemy's pool, where I just have to pick the Final Four teams, and I'm out $25.  Again.  And this is the time of year where I ask myself, again: Why the fuck do I do this to myself?  I always hope that my sports fandom will lead me to some insight that'll bring me riches and satisfaction to my ego, and nearly every single time (I have to admit that I won this Final Four pool about 14 or 15 years ago) I've been proven wrong.  Only this time me nailing Wisconsin's upset of Villanova and Xavier over Florida St. was a tease, a cruel tease to make me believe I was onto something.  I'm not.  I'm just a pathetic loser as I've been every single goddamn time I played this fucking game.

When will I ever goddamn learn to stop fucking playing?

March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2 -- Sunday

The odds for all eight tournament games for today (Sunday) are up on Doc's Sports.  Good.

I don't remember how I did it last year, but this time around I'm going to not evaluate how I did in picks and money until I finish up each round.  Therefore, how I did in Round 2 I won't touch until Thursday.  It's easier for me that way.  But what I can tell you is that, because my bracket is real good this year (I went 7-for-7 in picks on Saturday, the first time I've done that well), I should actually have trusted myself more this time around.

---

Not being as confident reading anything to this day's slate of games, I fake-wager the following:

1) Wichita St. +5 (The two pods that include the Shockers, Kentucky [Wichita St.'s opponent] and UCLA was possibly the most agonizing series of games I've ever had to pick in my March Madness gambling career.  I still don't have a good reason to pick the Shockers to cover, but I know that these two teams are too good to be facing each other in Round 2.  Naturally, I will go for the underdog) $50

2) USC +6 1/2 (I still can't believe they made it this far.  Along with Baylor Head Coach Scott Drew's track record of playing underseed, and I can see the Trojans not only making a game of it ...) $200

3) USC M/L +242 (... but to also take the game and reach the Sweet 16.  Sweet!) $100

4) Rhode Island +5 1/2 (Rams seem a hot Giant Killer; Oregon lost a frontcourt shot-blocker just before tournament time.  Stars are aligned, let's just say) $100

5) Parlay 1), 2) and 4), for $75.

Good luck!

March Madness 2017 Anti-Picks, Round 1

The big downside for doing this is that not all of the first-round odds are in because of these stupid play-in games (and by the way, nice comeback by my alma mater -- congratulations to them for making the real tournament!!!).  There are only 14 games listed for Friday's, and I have no idea when I'll get them, so I'll just have to make do without them.  Same is true for Rounds 2 and 4, both of which come on the weekend and whose matchups are only determined 48 hours in advance.  That means that the rounds, played over the course of two days, won't have all the games' odds before the first game of that round tips off.  I hate that.  But, again, I must make do.

Since I am so busy, I am now concentrating only the underdogs I would go crazy and bet on if I were at an actual casino in, for example, Las Vegas.  I know it is unwise to do so, but I cannot shake my fantasy of roping in some huge-legged parlay for, oh, $75 and make thousands upon thousands because they hit.  I surely would lose my shirt, but hey, this is what the Anti-Picks are for.

---

Odds courtesy of Doc's Sports:

1) Princeton +6 1/2 $200

2) Princeton M/L +252 $100

3) North Carolina-Wilmington +7 1/2 $200

4) UNCW M/L +282 $100

5) East Tennessee St. +10 1/2 $100

6) ETSU M/L +442 $50

7) Xavier +2 $200

8) Xavier M/L +114 $100

9) Oklahoma St. +2 1/2 $100

10) Oklahoma St. M/L +121 $50

11) Kansas St. +3 1/2 $200

12) Kansas St. M/L +145 $100

13) Marquette +1 1/2 $150

14) Marquette M/L +53 $50

15) Giant Killers Blog (ESPN.com) parlay, which is taking the underdogs this blog says have the best chances of happening.  I then removed the underdogs current at Pick 'Em (Rhode Island) or, in fact, favored (Middle Tennessee St.), and then because I got spooked by the matchup, I have removed UNCW: 1), 7) and 11), for $200

16) Same thing, but only for odds: 2), 8), 12), for $100

17) Might as well group the others: 3), 5), 9) and 13), for $75

18) And 4), 6), 10) and 14), for $50

19) For completion's sake -- all the odds bets (by which I mean the, uh, odd-numbered bets), for $75.

20) And all the M/L's/even-numbered wagers, for $25.

Good luck!

Why I'm Not Watching This World Series Either

I don't want to be one of those people who hates baseball, because I don't.  I really do love baseball, I do!  There is no other sport going on in the summer, yet it seems appropriate that baseball is the only sport for the summer.  Not to wax too nostalgic, but it's the heartbeat of the American summer, and I will love it just for that.

But I've not only not tuned into much of the World Series but I've done a whole lot to actively avoid it.  I did that last year, and that was because the small-market Kansas City Royals won it all.  I still hate it to this day.  Don't really know why; looking back at it now my refusal to watch seems to stem from some irrational hatred.

However, after much thinking, I have come to this hypothesis about myself, and it's one I'm not all that proud of having.  I hate with a passion the New York Yankees, and that was solidified when they had that massive run in the mid-nineties, when Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera were in their prime.  That was the time when there was unfettered, deregulated player spending in Major League Baseball, which led to a huge stratification between the haves and the have-nots ... which really turned into the Yankees and everybody else.  That's why they were dominant for so long, and therefore I grew to resent their built-in advantage -- one I'm not quite convinced they've lost, even though they've missed the playoffs for, like, the third year in a row.

So I should be overjoyed that the Royals slayed Goliath and won it all last year, right?  No.  It may be because I'm jealous that it's the Royals which were the small-market turn to finally fight the power and win the World Series in this new arms race in baseball.  But I think it's something much weirder about me, and much more sinister: Once I see a team as "small-market" or "lucrative," I want them to remain that way.  It defines them; it's something I can point to as a characteristic that I always know is inimical (is that the right word?) to their very identity.  That's what the Twinks are.  And that's what the Royals are -- well, were.  And them winning it all last year offended something really deep in me.  They were no longer consistent.  They violated the immutable trait I knew them as, and when they, well, showed signs that they actually were winners, they betrayed the identity I ascribed to them.  In turn, then, they screwed me over.  And that means they're dead to me.

A lot of people are dead to me as soon as I feel they screwed me over.  Maybe I should look into that.

Anyway, I look at the Chicago Cubs the same way.  All my life -- and in the lives of most people on planet Earth -- the Cubbies were just the "Lovable Losers" on Waveland Avenue.  But no, the Ricketts family decided they didn't want to be loser anymore, and then they hired baseball God Theo Epstein, who made move after miraculous move to turn the Cubs from David to Goliath.  And really, God bless 'em.  I have a lot of friends who are Cubs fans and are living and dying with every pitch of the Fall Classic.  But I have to pay attention to the petty side of me: This is a change from the Cubs that I know, and that I think that they need to continue to be.  That they are on the cusp of winning the World Series for the first time in 108 years is an affront to everything I knew them to be.  They have no right to change their identity.  And that's why I have this visceral hate for them.  And that's why I'm not watching.

There's another facet to my thinking about this that may be a more direct understand of how I feel.  The Cubs have traditionally been seen as the underdog.  That may be true when you consider the franchise's entire history.  But for this series, they certainly are not.  They may be down three-games-to-two to Cleveland as of press time, but they still have the decisive advantage on paper, and I still give them a good shot of coming back to winning this whole thing.  They are the favorites in this series.  They are Goliath.  And the fact that they got rid of their David identity to become what I and what I think Cubs fans have despised for so long is, in my view, hypocrisy.  So that's another reason why I can't stand to watch the Cubs possibly win this.

So, I'm rooting for Cleveland, right?  No.  For the record I have a Facebook friend and a Mother I'd Like To Fuck who lives in Cleveland and is a fan.  (Actually I remember her on Facebook holding her grandchild, so she's now a Grandmother I'd Like To Fuck.)  And they're trying to steal this World Series with every trick Terry Francona can pull out of his bag of tricks.  But ... their nickname is the Indians, man!  And the organization and their fans won't give it up.  So I can't root for a racist mascot either.

So you see that I have reasons to hate both teams.  I'm not an objective observer with no dog in this fight; I hate both teams.  So I'll try not to watch the World Series.  However, if it goes to Game 7, maybe I'll have to reconsider.  I reserve that right.

The Election Should Be A Marathon

Last (Tuesday) night's results in Wisconsin, where underdogs Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz won, keeping Hillary Clinton on a losing streak and possibly popping the aura of invincibility surrounding Donald Trump, happened more than two months after the Iowa Caucus, the first state to hold primary elections.  I have heard that many people believe that this primary election season goes on too long.  Many states have pushed up their primaries and caucuses as close to the front of the season as possible to "make their voices heard," thereby leaving an increasingly huge gap of political nothingness from the spring until the political conventions in the late summer.

I never understood that thought, and I think I can finally articulate why there should be a dragged-out process for each party instead of a quick deluge of voting now that Wisconsin has muddied the waters with their results.  I don't think having a months-long campaign is going to cripple the presidential election process.  In fact, I think it enhances it.

Moreso now than in any year I can remember, there are a lot of fracturing amongst Americans on who they like for president.  That's a good thing, and the best way for each of us to figure out which candidate is best is to put them through their paces.  You can't do that if all 50 states vote in February.  There needs to be a slow vetting process, where they get asked questions about every single thing a president will face, because he or she will face all of it once he or she gets elected.  Also, I like to believe that presidents are more likely to be seen as fit for office if the people get to know and analyze him or her over the course of months and not weeks or even days.  Finally, you never know what current event or scandal could pop up and damage a candidate's campaign.  Maybe there's a terrorist attack that makes people think we need someone with more experience in Islamic extremism.  Or maybe TMZ reports that Trump hired an undocumented worker as a nanny, or held billions in a Panamanian bank.  It would suck for either party if that happened to a presumptive nominee after they got through a sprint of a primary season, but that would give other candidates a chance to become viable again if it were held in a slower-moving process.  In such a case, what do you know, the states supposedly lagging behind in the election cycle and even having their caucuses and primaries last are going to be important after all!

What I'm saying is is that we are electing our president.  We all know Election Day is the first Tuesday in November.  That won't change.  So why the rush to complete the first part of the process before I get allergies?  The American people need time to think.  And maybe, just like what could be inferred from Wisconsin, the American people have started to think that maybe the favorite shouldn't be the nominee, and they voted as such.  And there's not a darn thing wrong with that.