Poor Bastard Of The Moment(-ish): Joachim Andersen

Haven't done one of these in a long while.

What happened to the Slovakian men's soccer team today aside, I don't think anyone in the Euros has had a shittier five Minutes than Andersen, the Center Back for Denmark and Crystal Palace.  In the 48th Minutes of their Eighthfinal Match versus Germany, it looked like he drew first blood for his country with a rebound Goal.  Then, two Minutes later, the tally was overturned by the Video Assistant Referee (VAR) because the Danes were offside.  Then, about a Minute after that, a German Cross in the box hit Andersen in the fingers.  After VAR caught it, a Penalty Kick was awarded, which Germany's Kai Havertz converted to give Germany a 1-0 lead in the 53rd Minute.

The Germans would win 2-0, but the Match turned on the momentum swing by Andersen, who went from thinking he gave his team and country the lead to being the reason the other team took the lead.

Poor bastard.

Poor Bastards Of The Moment (Or At Least From Last Monday): The University Of Texas Baseball Team

I need to get my mind off the death of Grandmother's friend, so I'm doing this quick one.  And by the by, I haven't done a Poor Bastard Of The Moment in months, of not years, but I need to do it for the Texas baseball team.

Last Monday was Game 3 of the Super Regional between the Longhorns and host Stanford.  The series was tied at 1, so the winner of this Game goes onto the venerated Men's College World Series, which began on Friday.

Bottom of the Ninth, Game tied.  The Texas Pitcher induces the Stanford batter into a pop fly.  Harmless ball that will be caught, sending this thriller into extra Innings.

Well, that is what should have happened:

And I don't even like Texas!  Or Stanford for that matter.  But The Farm won and the 'Horns lost.  And by the way, Stanford got eliminated by Tennessee in the MCWS this/Monday afternoon.

Look, I couldn't catch a fly ball if there was a blinking strobe light and an ear-splitting beeper on it.  But I don't have to be good at baseball to know that that Right Fielder, whose name I should look up but won't because I don't want to pile on, should have gotten it, twilight be damned.  Nevertheless, that young man probably is still sick that he lost that ball in the lights.

So, clear your throats: Poor bastards.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Dwane Casey

For a second consecutive night, a pro sports championship was decided, and for a second consecutive night, it was won by a virgin franchise on the road.  Luckily, Mike Yeo, shitcanned Head Coach of the Stanley Cup Champion St. Louis Blues, is only Poor Bastard Of The Moment for one day, because he is being replaced by a man who was also fired by a team just before that team won a title: Dwane Casey.

He was a veteran HC of the Toronto Raptors, and while he helped resuscitate the Raps from mediocrity and into repeated playoff appearances, the organization had failed to break through to a 'Chip, suffering several years of heartbreak and mind-boggling upsets.  In the same summer last year, when they swung for the fences and traded for Kawhi Leonard even though he had only one year left on his contract, Raptors management decided to fire Casey, even though he was unable to suit up and help his team avoid embarrassing defeats and chronic underachievement on the court.  In came Nick Nurse (who?), and all he did was, admittedly, help engineer upsets of the Milwaukee Bucks and then of the Golden State Warriors in a year where everybody thought the Warriors were going to just saunter to a title.  And even though the Head Coach has something to do with a team's success, it is really more about the timing of events that makes it look as though the obstacle holding back Toronto from basketball glory was Casey.

This doubly hurts because I remember Casey as HC of the Timberwolves.  He had very little help with his roster, and yet he got his players to buy in and play as a team.  He was even able to get one squad to play close to .500 basketball, which for that year had them contending for a playoff spot ... only for dumbass Kevin McHale to fire Casey mid-season because McHale said he thought the team could do better than their record indicated.  So he installed Randy Wittman -- McHale's friend -- and the team proceeded to take a nosedive down the standings.  Everybody who follows that club for a long time knows that Casey got fucked over.

And now Casey's gotten fucked over twice, this time obviously being much worse.  Dwane Casey is now coaching the Detroit Pistons.  He got them into the playoffs.  Detroit got swept by Milwaukee, but the Timberwolves didn't even make the playoffs this year.  Casey can get a ragtag group of players to overachieve.  You just have to get rid of him if you are close to winning it all, apparently.  And that sucks for him.

Poor Bastard.

Addendum To: Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Cody Parkey

Well, people went over the replay of Parkey's Field Goal miss in yesterday's/Sunday's loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, and through a fine-tooth comb it has been determined that an Eagles player, Defensive Tackle Treyvon Hester, got a finger on the ball before it hit off the left upright and crossbar and not through the goalposts.  Furthermore, even though I don't think it's conclusive, the National Football League determined that Hester's touch was enough to alter the trajectory of Parkey's kick, and therefore it officially will go down in the record books as a blocked kick, not a miss.

So, double good news for the Chicago Bears Kicker, even though they are still eliminated from the playoffs: He should stop getting crap from Bears fans, and I now retract his Poor Bastard Of The Moment.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Cody Parkey

I found myself rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles in tonight's Wild Card game versus the Chicago Bears because I inherently root for the underdog.  But then I remembered: Isn't this the same team that bounced my Vikings in last year's NFC Championship Game, whose fans then stiffed the Twin Cities on tips on their way to winning the Super Bowl in our home stadium back in February?  Well, at least the Vikings didn't lose, so I can't be dejected any more.

Who is dejected?  Chicago Bears Kicker Cody Parkey, who did this:

He not only missed four kicks in a win over the Detroit Lions, he hit the upright all four times. He hit again once last week in beat my Vikes here. And then this. And a double doink at that. Six missed kicks, seven doinks.

I'm glad the Bears lost -- either way I'm glad a team lost -- but I still have to feel for Cody Parkey, who was mercilessly booed off the field and has had Bird Box memes tweeted about him. So everybody, say it with me now:

Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Dwane Casey

Dwane Casey was Head Coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves from 2005 to 2007, right in the middle of the Dark Age of the franchise.  He, however, provided the brightest light during that time.  He finished 33-49 in his first and only full season leading the Woofie Dogs -- not great at all, but this was the season after Latrell Sprewell was out of the league after bitching about not getting a contract extension and Sam Cassell was traded to the Clippers, thus breaking up the MV3 that led the Wolves to the Western Conference Finals in 2004.

Things were getting marginally better in the 2006-7 season.  At roughly the midway point of the season, Casey got this team at 20-20.  Then, out of nowhere and, as far as I know, for no good reason, General Manager Kevin McHale (who preceded Casey as HC after he fired Flip Saunders and resumed coaching duties for himself) fired him.  I think McHale said something like, "I think we can do better."  He thought his friend, Randy Wittman, could get this team into playoff contention or better.  Instead, the team nosedived, going 12-30 the rest of the way and sunk to the bottom, only now getting their heads above water by reaching the playoffs for the first time since '04.

People kind of forget about this era of the Woofie Dogs, but those in the know remember the firing and thinking how much of a raw deal Casey got.  We have no idea how well he would have done had he not been shitcanned mid-season, but the record of the 2006-7 season while and then after Casey was Head Coach should be evidence enough that he made a positive difference.

Apparently, he got fucked over again Friday.  He got another HC job at Toronto for the 2011-2 season, and although the Raptors had some lean years, the front office stuck with him.  Finally, with a nucleus of Kyle Lowry and DeMar DeRozan, they got better, and this year, with a bench that became formidable, the Raps beat out preseason East favorite Cleveland and early surprise Boston to get the best record in the Eastern Conference.

With that home-court advantage, however, they faced LeBron James and the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Semifinals and were promptly dispatched by them in four games.  Now, it took a back-and-forth Game 1 and a game-ender by King James in Game 3, but they were swept nonetheless.

Now remember, Toronto had never been the #1 seed in the East in franchise history.  They've won at least one series each of the past three years.  They reached the Conference Finals in the 2016 playoffs.  They have just been eliminated by the Cavs the past three postseasons, the last two via sweeps.

And Friday, it got Casey fired.  Apparently, Casey, the man who stuck through a couple bad seasons in the beginning of his tenure, is now considered the obstacle to an NBA Finals appearance.  Never mind that Brad Stevens is doing magical work in Boston, or that The Best Basketball Player In Our Era is also playing in the Eastern Conference, or that LeBron is likely playing elsewhere in the Western Conference next year.  I think someone with the Raptors organization believes that the Cavaliers have gotten into Casey's head, and they think just changing the Head Coach unlocks the final step for the franchise.  Well, be careful what you wish for.  The last time Casey was canned, that team fell into a tailspin.

Hey, at least for Casey, he now has a reputation of being a team whisperer.  One that can be disposed of as soon as management believes the team is onto something really good.  But that should mean that he gets another HC job somewhere in the NBA.

Till then ... Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Lucky Whitehead

Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver -- well, ex-WR.

Yesterday reports surfaced that the police department of Prince William County, Va. arrested Whitehead for stealing from a convenience store in late June.  The man arrested said he was Lucky Whitehead, but he was not, in fact, Lucky Whitehead, even though he gave the name, birthdate and Social Security Number of Lucky Whitehead.  Hmmm.

Whitehead said that he heard about this announcement in the afternoon and was told he was cut 105 minutes later.  He said at the time this was a case of mistaken identity.  Turns out he was right.  But the Cowboys, already weathering huge pressure for backing star Running Back Ezekiel Elliott's DV case, thought they had an image problem.  They needed to right the ship, so to speak, and releasing someone who apparently ran afoul of the law was a great way to send the message that they are getting the message.

Unfortunately, it turns out that they cut an innocent man.  Well, OK, not that innocent; Whitehead's the guy who said his dog was taken and held for ransom before he got it back Sunday.  Of course that sounds fishy, so I might be wrong in feeling sorry for him.  But until I get news that he is anything but a Poor Bastard ...

Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastards Of The Moment: The University Of Minnesota Softball Team

A 54-3 record.

Most wins by any team in top-flight college softball this year.

Took the double -- the Big Ten regular season title and the Big Ten Tournament title.

An RPI of #12.

Ranked, depending on which poll you're looking at, third or second in the country.

A 25-game winning streak, the longest active in the College Softball Nation.

Clearly the best University of Minnesota softball team in program history.

And yet, despite all that, my presumption that I would get to see these ballers host (and presumably crush) their opponents in the Regional this weekend, and then (hopefully) crush their foe at Cowles Field in the Super Regional the U. would ever host next weekend, will not happen.  Not only did the NCAA Committee not deem the Golden Gophers worthy enough of a top-eight seed and thus the possibility of playing the first two weekends of the NCAA Tournament at home, they didn't even regard them worthy enough for any of the 16 national seeds and are thus deprived of even hosting a Regional.  They are the 2-seed -- yes, the fucking goddamn 2-seed -- in the Tuscaloosa Regional in Alabama.  The Crimson Tide are the overall 16 seed, so, as you may have surmised, if the Gophers overcome this obstacle and get out of that Region, they will face the overall #1 seed in the tournament, Florida, in Gainesville the following weekend.

I'm not saying that Minnesota has no chance against the Gators.  I'm not saying that they wouldn't lose to Alabama this weekend.  And I'm not saying that they deserve the #1 overall seed.  What I am saying that it's an absolutely goddamn screwjob that this softball team is forced into this indignity even though they have proven that they are worthy of better treatment.  I don't give a good goddamn about their triple-digit Strength Of Schedule or that they're only 2-2 against the RPI Top 25.  No team -- and I mean in any sport -- has never finished the regular season ranked so high and be brought this low in the tourney.  From ranked second to unranked???  Fucking really?!?!?!

Monday the NCAA barfed up some propaganda bullshit justifying this disgrace.  But SB Nation U.-centric site The Daily Gopher deftly noted in this takedown piece that this ass-covering by the NCAA won't work due to one small but huge problem.  The NCAA is now doing this thing where they're teasing which team is where in the weeks leading up to a sport's selection date.  College football started doing it several years ago (even though the NCAA has nothing to do with it; college football is such a racket that the NCAA does not deal with most of the affairs regarding top-flight college football), and college basketball has recently started to announce which teams are on track to be the best teams come the tournament.  It's a really stupid idea to string teams and fans along like this, especially when the committee decides to change its mind.  Any drastic changes, be it rises or drops, will have to be explained given the ranking that team was given before.

And this is where the NCAA is caught with its hand in the cookie jar.  Just last week, on its Twitter feed, it teased its order of seeded teams.  Guess what?  Minnesota was ranked seventh:

Take a look at the second Top 10 ranking by the NCAA DI Softball Committee! #NCAASoftball pic.twitter.com/tuDAf1F8t4

— NCAA Softball (@NCAAsoftball) May 7, 2017

Still too low in my estimation, especially given what the team accomplished. Nevertheless, they were in line as of just last fucking week to receive a national seed.  And so the NCAA thinks Minnesota went from seventh to unranked in a space of a week?  When all they did was win their conference tournament title??  And oh, with a No-Hitter to boot???  Bullshit.  Absolute fucking bullshit.

I'm not being overdramatic.  This may be The Worst Ranking For Any Team In Any Tournament In Any Sport In NCAA History.  Injustice is the first of what you can call this disaster.  Seriously, I'm really fucking pissed off about this.

I thought people were being a little too cruel, ridiculing the NCAA on such matters as paying the players.  Not any more.  Not after fucking the Gopher softball team like this.  (I know those two matters are unrelated.  I'm angry, let me have this.)

Oh, and even though they're women and technically this is not correct to say: Poor Bastards.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment (Which, Actually, Was Almost Two Months Ago): Claudio Ranieri (Scheduled Post)

He is the Manager who guided Leicester City, a small English Premier League club that had and was thought to permanently be fighting to stay in the top-flight EPL, to the 38-game regular season championship last year.  It may be The Greatest Upset In The History Of Recorded Sport, maybe even bigger than the Miracle On Ice, because the Foxes had to prove their worthiness game after game, and not just in some one-off playoff.  It was, simply, brilliant, and a reminder that, truly, Anything Can Happen.

And then Leicester was what people thought they were this year.  They were so bad that they were just one point above relegation, and being relegated as defending champs would have been humiliating, if not unprecedented.  Ranieri tried to preach patience, but the Foxes faithful and ownership, believing that one historic title meant that they could ask, "But what you have you done for me lately?" finally did what I think is unbelievable: They fired Ranieri on February 23, about nine months after guiding them to The Promised Land.

This bullshit happens all the time in the EPL.  For example, Chelsea, the year after winning the EPL in 2015, sacked their Manager, Jose Mourinho, but that was a bit more justified because he went batshit crazy that year.  Plus, it's Chelsea, a powerhouse club which is expected to win championships.  They can grind through Managers like it's a sausage maker because they have enough players and money to compete regardless of who's in the technical area.

But this is Leicester City, where the ultimate glory isn't expected and probably will never be seen again.  I don't care if the Foxes were relegated all the way down The Pyramid to Level 22; if Claudio Ranieri was in charge when the side accomplished the impossible, he gets to stay in charge for as long as he damn well pleases.  He can be demented, in a chair, relegated to eating pureed peas and shitting twice an hour -- he gets to stay as Manager!  And if the players suddenly turned their backs on the man who gave them a title no one saw coming, which is what I think happened here, fire the players, not the Manager.

Unfortunately, what I still think was a rash decision has paid off handsomely.  Interim Manager Craig Shakespeare guided this team to five straight EPL wins and the Quarterfinals of the Champions League before getting eliminated.  As of press time they're in twelfth place -- no chance to repeat as EPL champs (that should go to Chelsea), but ensuring another year in top-flight with each passing Matchday.

After Leicester City cemented the EPL title last year I went to their website to see if I could purchase their jersey.  I so wanted to be a part of that history.  They were sold out.  Now, I don't give a damn about them.  A Manager does something that'll never be seen again, and this is the goddamn thanks he gets?!

Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Ryan Lochte

OK, you may think the American Olympic swimming champion -- if I recall correctly, he has more medals than any other Olympian, American or otherwise, except for Michael Phelps -- is nothing but a frat boy dick for his pissing and vandalizing antics, and then saying he got stuck up in the mean streets of Rio.  As they always say, it's not the crime, but the cover-up, so he looked even worse when he had to take back what he said in light of damning video evidence.  (The guys from The Big Lead are bizarrely continuing a rank defense of Lochte, claiming that there really wasn't any vandalism that happened at the gas station where Lochte eventually had to pay the security guard who drew a gun on him and his three USA Swimming teammates for the damage that he allegedly caused.)

However, losing all four of your endorsements as a result of this?  All four?!  And on the same day?!?!  I'm not saying he shouldn't pay for his actions, especially in the court of public opinion.  But while this was an obnoxious display of virile white male privilege, he did not kill somebody, or rape a woman, or run anybody over while drunk, or beat somebody up.  Lochte and three other guys pissed against a wall, and Lochte broke some stuff in a gas station bathroom, torn down a poster, allegedly.  Even if he did try to cover it up in a way that threw the host of the Summer Olympics under the bus (though it must be said that there were more than several instances of petty crime that happened to Olympians, officials and members of the media), losing all of your endorsements at once is a bit harsh in comparison to the crimes that were committed.

Please recognize that this day is, by far, The Worst Day In Ryan Lochte's Life.  And I submit to you that the consequences he is paying may be a bit out of whack.

Poor bastard.

Poor Bastard: Anderson Varejão

Do you remember when I did a Poor Bastards segment in 2009 for hockey players Marian Hossa and Ty Conklin?  The Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins met in the Stanley Cup Finals in the 2008 and 2009 seasons.  Detroit won in '08, when the two played in Pittsburgh.  Then they signed with the Red Wings for the '09 season ... when the Penguins won the Cup.  Talk about shitty timing.

Well, the same thing could be happening to Anderson Varejão, the Brazilian Center who played 11 seasons for the Cleveland Cavaliers.  He was on the losing end of the last year's NBA Finals to the Golden State Warriors.  The fan favorite was traded to Portland this year, which promptly waived him.  After a mandatory cooling-off/non-tampering period, he signed with ... the Golden State Warriors.  And for the 2016 postseason the Cavs and the Dubs met again.

And, if you watched any part of the historically tense Game 7 last (Sunday) night, you would know that LeBron James helped beleaguered Cleveland feel on top of the world by winning the NBA Finals.  Too bad, though, that Varejão signed with the losing team for the second year in a row.

I say "could be happening" to him because the Cavaliers organization has the right to grant a title ring to any former player who played with the team.  So they could give him a ring anyway, which would mean this blog post is a moot point.  However, if he doesn't get a ring for his tenure with not only the franchise he's been with the longest but the one he faced in the NBA Finals a year after it was the other way around, well, I just have two words to say:

Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastards Of The Moment: Cleveland Browns Fans

I think Minnesota sports fans have suffered enough, but there are moments like last night's ending to the game that jostles me out of my bubble and reminds me that the Cleveland Browns may have it a hell of a lot worse.

I was hearing the end of The Bastard Cleveland Browns-Cleveland Browns v.2.0. game last night driving home in the not-bad/snow showery weather.  Game was tied.  Baltimore QB Matt Schaub throws an interception to a Browns player in Ravens territory.  Cleveland did not gain a whole lot of yardage, but nevertheless they were in good-enough position to line up for a 51-yard Field Goal with three seconds left.  The Browns Kicker had yet to miss a FG this year.

You can guess what happened next, but probably only the first part.  If you've been a lifelong fan of this damned franchise, you know what happened next.  The kick gets blocked and deflects off to the side, where it's picked up by a Bastard Cleveland Browns player who runs the football back all the way for the game-winning Touchdown at the gun.

Man, to go from surprise good fortune to anticipation of getting only their third win of the year to absolute dejection over pulling defeat from the jaws of victory in what can only be described as the most Cleveland Browns-ian way possible.  And it's got to hurt that the team they lost to in such improbable fashion was the team that was taken from the city 20 years ago.  I am speculating that many Browns fans believe that the franchise, the fanbase, and even the city has been cursed, if not damned, ever since that relocation ... even though the Cleveland Browns v.1.0. had more than their share of notorious, inexplicable losing for half a century.  Simply put, the way that game ended ... sucks.

This tweeted video recorded on a smartphone by a Browns fan at the game encapsulates the range of humiliation and sadness at that moment.  There are three people seen, although you can hear two people (or is it the same person?) curse at their biblical misfortune.  Solemn resignation, complete disbelief, utter disgust ... yep, these are the times you question why you're a sports fan.

How it feels to be a Browns fan #MNF pic.twitter.com/30hBugRYLZ

— Nick Sobevski (@Sobe_homie) December 1, 2015

Poor Bastards.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Laura Bassett

Before this gets too late -- although it's already too late -- I have to blog about what probably is the worst moment of the Women's World Cup, and also the latest proof that soccer, while at times thrilling, can also really, really suck.

Of course I'm talking about Laura Bassett of the English team.  England was holding its own, and then some, in their semifinal tilt against Japan.  But in the 92nd minute, Japan Midfielder Nahomi Kawasumi crosses the ball close to the six-yard box and the Defender Bassett sticks her foot out and, well:



After the game everyone said she had to stick her foot out. You're not doing your job if you don't stick your foot out for fear of making an owngoal because you might then allow an opposing player to handle the ball.  Nevertheless that still fucking sucks.  I have been impressed with not only women's soccer but soccer in general watching the World Cup, but it's moments like this that snap me back to the harsh reality that is soccer.  A game like this can sometimes be random, but I can't think of any other sport where one random act can mean so much.

Yes, I know that she is a woman and that "bastard" is gender-specific, but:

Poor bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Adam Federici

Man, I don't think I did Poor Bastard Of The Moment posts in at least two years, and now I've done two in a week.  I don't think I've ever done those blog posts so frequently ever.


In the second time in as many Saturdays, a goalkeeper muffed a save in a very important game.  Last week it was Boston University men's ice hockey goalie Matt O'Connor dropping a clearing lob through his legs and into the net that led to a tie in the Frozen Four final, a game won by Providence.  This week, just now in fact, it is Reading FC Keeper Adam Federici doing just about the same thing.


The competition is the FA Cup semifinals, the March Madness-style British soccer competition that throws teams from all levels, from the Premier League all the way down to amateur clubs (I think I just read that there are over 750 teams that play), into a bracket.  You play one game against an opponent blindly drawn.  Win and advance.  No team from the top-flight has won the cup (at least not in the past two centuries), but I have been told that more people should be more interested in the FA Cup than the English Premier League powerhouse matchup between Chelsea and Manchester United (won by Chelsea 1-0), probably because of a mix of tradition and the David-slaying-Goliath aspect of the tournament.


Reading is a second-flight team.  They were playing Arsenal, which, if you don't know, is currently second in the EPL.  And they scored first in today's semifinal.  Yet Reading was able to tie in the second half to send it to Extra Time.  Unfortunately for Reading, Federici allowed Alexis Sanchez's try on goal to nutmeg him (special record-keeping note: This is the first time in Wailing And Failing history that I am embedding a Vine; ooh, I can't wait!):



And Federici's howler is worse than O'Connor's. At least O'Connor only coughed up a tie; the Terriers still had a chance to win after that.  Even though it's soccer and it's not sudden death, well, it's soccer; Federici allowed what stood as the game-winning goal, allowing Arsenal to advance and defend their FA Cup win from last year.  And Reading's dream of being FA Cup champs went through their Goalie's legs.


Poor bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Matt O'Connor

Frozen Four final, aka the national championship in top-flight men's college hockey, was last night.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: College hockey (women's as well as men's) should be a lot more popular around the country than it is now.  But if only pockets of the Upper Midwest and New England are in on this well-kept secret, OK, this will be our well-kept secret.  Because frequently in the NCAA men's hockey tournament, you'll get games such as last night's title game, where underdog Providence drew first blood, Boston University scored twice an NCAA-record four seconds apart, the Friars tied it up in the second period only for the Terriers to take the lead again, and finally Provy tallied twice in the third period to give the school their first men's national championship in any sport in its history.

But it'll be that first goal in the third, the one that tied the game at 3, that'll go down in the annals of history.  Providence's Tom Parisi, in order to give him and the others on his shift time to get to the bench, chipped the puck over three waiting BU players in their defensive zone and at the Terrier net, where Boston U. Goalie Matt O'Connor caught the high-arcing shot with his glove.

Or so he thought.  Well, actually he did, but that lob confused him.  O'Connor closed his glove, but he didn't believe he actually caught the puck.  He thought it was still loose, so he began looking around the net to find it and he reflexively just opened his glove ... where the puck trickled out, onto the ice, and rolled between his legs and across the goal line.



This was a close game, but since that BU third goal the game settled into a gurgling affair which didn't make you think a score was inevitable.  That howler, of course, changed everything.  I didn't think it was inevitable that Providence had the, uh, divine providence to win at that point -- the Terriers were the more talented team in the game and they often played like it -- but 2:19 later Brandon Tanev got to the loose puck off of a faceoff in the Boston U. defensive left circle and wristed a shot across O'Connor for the game- and championship-winning score.

All because of that fuck-up by O'Connor.  Well, not really.  That goal by Tanev was, according to color analyst Barry Melrose of ESPN (side note: Even though The Worldwide Leader did a good job, I think NBC Sports would have done a better one because they're the guys who mainly broadcast hockey nowadays) not O'Connor's fault but the fault of his five teammates for not getting to the puck or to Tanev.  The game would have been tied regardless of O'Connor did or failed to do, so Boston University may very well have lost it at the end of the third period or overtime.  But right now, I doubt even Matt O'Connor feels that way.  He must feel awful at what he did.  I really hope he's OK, because something like that can crush a guy.

Poor bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Caroline Wozniacki

Wozniacki the tennis player and golfer Rory McIlroy was once destined to be the power couple in sports, or at least the Beyonce and Jay-Z.  So young, so cute together, yet willing to commit to each other for the rest of their lives.  And they weren't bad in their careers.

But then, apparently, McIlroy dumped Wozniacki over the phone earlier this year in a call that lasted only three minutes.  And ever since?  McIlroy has won the last three tournaments he's entered, including the British Open and, last week, the PGA Championship, both of which gives him the third and fourth majors of his career (he's only 25) and, even if only an instant by fans quick to give their hot takes based on a sample size as small as three weeks, makes him the heir apparent to Tiger Woods -- and, in fact, because Woods missed the cut at the PGA, the heir apparent to probably The Best Golfer Ever In The History Of The Universe, Jack Nicklaus.

Meanwhile, even though it's not as if Wozniacki has been winless in 2014 -- she's 15-3 since June's French Open -- she has won a tournament which is not a major.  She is not even close to being the #1 women's tennis player in the world -- that belongs to Serena Williams, who has been on top for the past, oh, 15 years.  And no one is comparing her to Martina Navratilova.

Now, he can't be playing like this because of the breakup, can he?  Well, according to some people in the media (even though I think it's kind of a stretch), McIlroy, in his post-tournament press conference, said, basically, yes:

"What else do I have to do?  I get up in the morning, I go to the golf course, I go to the gym. ...  It obviously works pretty well, so I'm going to keep doing it. ...  Just seems like over the past couple of months, I've really just buried myself in my golf game and it seems to be working."

Well, I don't think he's a bachelor.  It looks like McIlroy has found a new piece in Irish model/actress/singer (these triple threats are a dime a dozen these days; maybe they're just diversifying in an increasingly tough economy) Nadia Forde.  And she's a hot piece of Irish (l)ass, with many people on the Internet thinking McIlroy has traded up.  But the fact is -- and it's a fact -- Wozniacki ain't that bad-looking herself.  In fact, she's quite sexy, and I don't think anybody else thinking objectively can say otherwise.

But she's single, and she's not being called The Next Big Thing, while the asshole man who dumped her just because seems to have done a whole lot better since.  He has been rewarded, while she has had to suffer the consequences.

I know this is a woman, but ... Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastards Of The Moment: The William & Mary Men's Basketball Team (Scheduled Post)

Saw the end of Monday night's Colonial Athletic Association Championship Game while working out.  When the Tribe's Omar Prewitt hit a three-pointer, he gave his team a 74-68 lead with 81 seconds left in the game ... and then Delaware proceeded to end the game on a 7-0 run.  When W&M's Marcus Thornton missed an unplanned, disorganized jumper for deep and the horn sounded, the Blue Hens won the title game and the automatic berth in the NCAA Tournament, their fifth overall but first since 1999.

Meanwhile, the Tribe were in the driver's seat on winning their first-ever trip to the Big Dance.  They are one of only five charter Division I schools never to have made it to the tournament.  And they were 1:21 away from doing it with a six-point lead.  And they couldn't close the deal.

Saw the losers' reaction just after the buzzer.  As Delaware players and fans stormed the court and met in the middle, Tribe players were drifting around their offensive end of the court.  I saw one with his hands on his head, another who pulled his jersey over his head in shame.  And all of them were dazed, unable to comprehend how they had lightning in their hands and couldn't hold on.  So the drought continues.

Poor bastards.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Lovel Palmer

Penalty kicks are the worst way to decide the winner of a game.  College football's "let's just put the ball at the 25 because if make these young men drive the entire field to score, like they did for four quarters already, they might never walk again" overtime is a close second, but PKs have been bullshit for longer, so it's worse.  I also don't like the fact that the deciding factor of a soccer match resembles very little of actual play, instead using only one aspect of the sport (and a relative rare one at that) to bequeath a winner.  Would you be OK if a basketball game was decided with free throws?  Because essentially that is what soccer does.  In my opinion, they need to do away with penalties and just install an overtime that just keeps going, first goal wins.  At the very least bring back the golden goal.  What can be more dramatic than a tally that ends a match?

The stakes are obviously much higher when the game in question is a championship.  Thus, settling that with PKs is even more egregious and unfitting of the tight 120 minutes played up to this contrived tie-breaker.  Don't get me wrong, penalty kicks are dramatic.  I still remember watching the 2011 Women's World Cup Final, where the United States biffed their first two kicks and basically gave the title to Japan.  And Saturday afternoon's ridiculous extended PK session, where they had to double the number of kicks in order to decide the championship of Major League Soccer, was certainly enthralling, even if in the back of my mind I was telling myself that there had to be a better, more appropriate way of picking a winner and a loser.

My opinion is only fortified further because of what happened to Lovel Palmer, Defender for Real Salt Lake:



Yeah, you can say that Palmer should have made the kick.  And you wouldn't be wrong.  But after all he did since coming into the game, after all both teams did to get to that point, there had to be something better than spotting a ball so many yards away from the goal and having him kick it.  What makes this worse is that the Goalkeeper, Jimmy Nielsen of Sporting Kansas City (who, by the way, looks like an English teacher), didn't even have to make a save; Palmer hit it off the crossbar.  Basically, Lovel Palmer stopped his own shot.  And because of his poor aim, Real Salt Lake lost MLS Cup 2013.

The advent of cameras being allowed on the field of play has greatly enhanced the production values of watching a game on television.  The on-pitch cameraman was in perfect position to capture Palmer's look of absolute dejection after he doinked his PK off the crossbar, giving RSL the loss.  And when the view panned to his face and zoomed in as he was walking towards the camera and his teammates ... well, as a broadcast journalism major I love that indelible image, even though I feel for Palmer at that moment so badly I couldn't stand to look at him.

Poor bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Team New Zealand

Haven't done this in a long time.  Feels good to finally find one.

I barely know anything about sailing, so even though I know a lot about the comebacks it's being compared to, I still don't think I can say this with a lot of confidence.  But comparing it to, say, the Boston Red Sox coming back from an 0-3 deficit to the New York Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship Series seems, at least on the surface, a weak comparison.  I mean, the BoSox had to win four straight.  Oracle Team USA had to win eight straight to win the America's Cup or else lose to Team New Zealand.  By my estimation, eight is twice as much as four.

And sailing?  Shit, baseball seems pretty easy compared to sailing.  In baseball you have a bat and a ball and a glove, but you have your feet and your arms, both of which you've been using all your life.  In sailing you have ... a boat.  I took a sailing class once where you could sail a boat for a weekend.  I wound up not being able to go because I didn't have a ride to the port and I forgot my weekend, but if I did get on the boat, I totally would be overwhelmed.

And another thing: In baseball you have nine guys whose success depends on whether they can do their job well.  In sailing you're all pulling on the same boat, so you have to work together as a team.  I have no idea what's harder: A group of individuals succeeding alone, or a team succeeding together.  (It remains overlooked that the sport of baseball isn't really a "team" sport, but rather a sport of aggregates, where players have little influence on each other's play, so the team wins if each person does his part.)  I guess in sailing the group can cover if one guy isn't doing his job.  But in baseball it's more likely that one person, usually the pitcher, can have an outsized influence over the game compared to his teammates.

All in all, having an eight-point lead, twice, only to cough it up at the end may be The Greatest Collapse In The History Of Recorded Sport.  And so, while prices need to be paid for that, I nevertheless have to feel for those on the butt end of The Greatest Comeback In The History Of Recorded Sport.

For the people comprising Team New Zealand: Poor Bastards.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment (Well, At Least As Of Last Thursday): Jeff Bush

He's the man who was swallowed up in a sinkhole in Florida doing nothing but sleeping in his bed.  His family tried to save him, but it was too late: He got sucked into the hole that is estimated to be 30 feet deep.

When rescuers sent a camera down, they heard and saw no signs of life.  And they abandoned trying to rescue or retrieve Mr. Bush, saying it's too dangerous to recover the body.

I do not want to minimize his death; it is tragic, moreso because he did nothing to deserve it.  But dammit, what a way to go: Sucked into a sinkhole.  This is one of those things people talk about years after it happened.  One day we'll hear another story about a sinkhole and a bizarre way someone died and we'll go, "Hey, remember a few years back when a sinkhole opened up and just swallowed a guy to death?"  And do you know what we'll say then?

Poor bastard.