Can't Eat Like I Used To

I exercised this afternoon.  Winded as fuck, hopefully because I haven't worked out in so long, possibly because of the hot and humid weather, frightened it's because I'm getting old.  But it felt good to work off the McDonald's I had.

Went home and had not the worst dinner in the world: pork, rice and a tomato-based soup.  That usually sustains me.  But I had wanted for the past several days to drink a Pepsi.  It is one of those baby, 100-calorie Pepsi cans, essentially a pop version of portion control.  Always wanted to try it because, hey, I drink to many soft drinks.  I think, however, that the eight-pack of baby Pepsis, even with the coupon I bought it with, is much less per ounce than a six-pack of regular-sized Pepsis.

Moreover, I wanted that Pepsi to chase the rest of the cashews I have left over.  Also bought those with a coupon.  Wanted to snack on them, and I thought Father would want to snack on them, too, since he likes peanuts a lot and I thought hey, what are cashews if not peanuts with a curve to them?  But it looks like I was the only one eating from the small, squat can of cashews.  Binge-eating them, actually; the salt on those damn things were so addicting I couldn't help but snarf down half the can the first time I opened it up.

I've been a good boy since; there was just that final layer of cashews at the bottom of the can, and it had been at least ten days since I ate cashews.  But something compelled me to finally do that cashews-chased-with-Pepsi deal not too long after I finished dinner.  It was probably a combination of the metabolism I revved up from exercise and fooling myself into thinking that I needed to drink pop because of the hot weather outside, even though I had been inside for more than an hour with the air conditioning cooling me off.  No matter; I followed through with my plan as Father was taking a shower and Mother was outside tending to the vegetable garden in the backyard, so no one could ask me what I was doing or see me not being satisfied with what I ate for dinner.

My God, what happened to me?  I had eaten a lot more cashews in the past than I did this evening, and like I said, the can of Pepsi alleges that it's only 100 calories.  But I got so damn fat as soon as I ate that first nut and drank my first sip!  And those cashews are so addicting, and I wanted to finish off the can, that I couldn't stop!  Plus I had just opened a can of pop, so I had to drink it all!  And so I'm right back where I started from, before I exercised this afternoon.  Actually, I feel worse than before this afternoon.  In fact, I feel fatter than right after eating at McDonald's.  And all because of cashews and pop?!

Man, if I was the man I was 20 or even ten years ago I would've eaten all that crap and kept right on eating and not expand my waistline an inch.  Now. ...