Guess It's My Fucking Fault, Again

You know, it would be pretty funny if I wasn't so goddamn pissed off and depressed over it.

I'm driving to McDonald's, looking forward to a day of exercising and working on the Internet.  And by fucking God, all of a sudden, the fucking hood comes up and onto my windshield.  I still can't fucking believe that fucking shit happened to me.  That shit happens in a movie, not in Real Life.

I was able to drive it, slowly, to the nearest gas station.  I didn't have the ability to freak out because, what the FUCK!!!!!!!!!, the fucking hood of my fucking car just popped up on me while I was driving!!!  I called AAA and I called my mechanic -- you know, the one I was going to see on Friday, telling him I couldn't wait to see him so I was just gonna come in today.

Surveyed the damage.  The hood is all bent.  One of the hood shocks, which the mechanic put in in December, is gone.  There are braces where the hood connects to the body of the car, around the side mirrors, that are bent and/or broken off.  Pieces of the body itself are twisted.  It's an absolute fucking disaster.

I finally got someone from the mechanic's a bit after 10, then called AAA to arrange a tow.  They said 45 minutes, and I couldn't just sit there, so I went back to the accident to see if I can find missing pieces, like the missing hood shock, or the piece of the latch that had to have broken off.  Don't know what I could do, but I had to do something to make this better, to keep costs of the repair down.

About 15 minutes later I got a call saying that the tower is coming.  Half-hour early?  Cool; they're usually not that early.  I couldn't find anything, so I just walked back, only to see a AAA truck already there.

Thought he would call as soon as he arrived, but I apologized to him anyway.  Saw that there were twist ties at the corners of the hood.  It apparently is now secured to the car.  Then the AAA man said, "I latched it."

He latched it?  I looked at the latch and thought a part of it must've broken off.  But the latch, the whole latch is there.  Then he asked me if I opened up the hood recently.  In fact, I did -- yesterday, because I was afraid that the transmission wasn't working.

So it's my fault, right?  It's my fault that I didn't shut the hood properly, like everybody else in this goddamn world can do without a second thought.  I thought I was one of those people, but apparently I'm not.  Apparently, pushing down the hood is beyond me.  What do you mean I didn't latch it???  I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I CLOSED THE LID, BUT THEY SAY I DIDN'T, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!  And the worst thing is is that I am paranoid when it comes to my car.  I checked my transmission level twice this week, and nothing has been different.  I make sure my doors are locked every single time I think I lock it -- and sometimes I check again.  But I guess I missed the hood.  I opened it, and I thought I closed it, but no, I didn't make sure.  Why?  Because I didn't think I had to.  Well, that was a fucking goddamn mistake, because it just about broke off this morning.  All because "they say" I didn't close it tightly enough.  GODDAMMIT, IT WAS JUST ONE FUCKING MISTAKE AND IT'S GOING TO WIPE OUT MY ENTIRE CHECKING ACCOUNT!!!  THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!

So now I wait for the estimate, with jangled nerves that are exacerbated with this large cup of coffee I'm nursing.  I don't know if I can pay this.  I don't know how long this will take.  I don't even know if I even should fix this.  But I probably will.  The difference between something like this and, say, whatever might be happening to the engine or the transmission is that, assuming they they are right and I am wrong, this damage was of my own making, and not the car.  If it's the car acting up, and if it's going to take a lot of money to fix, maybe then I could see it as time for me to just let it go.  But in this case, assuming that I didn't secure it EVEN THOUGH I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DID, SHIT, HOW WOULD I MISS SUCH A THING?!?!?! it's my responsibility to fix it.  I can't trash something because of something I did; it works just fine, it's just my fault.

It's always my fault.  I'm just trying to move ahead in life, and then this shit happens.  It always fucking happens.  I'm so fucking tired.  Of all of this.